


Conflicted: A Reylo FanFic

by KCMarsala



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/F, F/M, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 04:56:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 54,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13474143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KCMarsala/pseuds/KCMarsala
Summary: Driven from the Resistance and her friends by her Force bond with the enemy, Rey strives to live a peaceful life far away from the galactic war that rages on without her. Although Kylo Ren does everything in his power to shield her from harm, he soon learns he cannot do so from afar. But when a threat to her life brings him to her side, his deepest desires and fears are both realized and a foe long thought defeated rises again.This is a concise, focused story with a complete arc designed to be read in only a few sittings. You can think of it as my vision for just the Rey/Ben scenes for the Episode IX film. Note: this is entirely independent from my other Reylo, "Betrayal." Questions and comments are always welcome!!! Excerpt:The look Kylo gave her, permeated with intense longing and regret, both moved and exasperated her.“Oh, cut it out,” Rey hissed, annoyed by his tiresome displays of conflicted emotions.“You know what I want.”“Yes,” she declared. “You’ve made it abundantly clear. What matters to you is power, order, control. Well, you will never have power, order, or control over me.”The same flash of heat pooled deep in his gaze, and Rey resisted the urge to strike him again.





	1. Misplaced Chivalry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo prevents Rey from participating in a skirmish with the First Order, and she’s none too happy about it.

Rey grit her teeth and bristled in her seat.She hated this part.The coordinates had been set, the hyperdrive engaged, and there was nothing more she, Chewie, or Finn could do until they arrived.Other than listen to the battle unfolding without them over the comms, that was.

“Taking damage on the south side!” she heard Lieutenant Connix shout.

She closed her eyes, hating this feeling of helplessness.

“We’re four minutes out!” she called into the comms, recognizing that length of time to be an eternity in the course of a fight.“Poe, are you and your squadron any closer?”

“Black Leader,” came the swift response, “engaged.”

Rey nodded grimly, knowing the _Falcon_ and Poe’s team were the only reinforcements available for the manufacturing facility currently under attack by the First Order.She had just opened her mouth to suggest Finn should get into position in the gun turret when the weight of the Force connection fell heavily around her, efficiently usurping her vocal efforts and morphing them into a vicious curse.

“That’s him, isn’t it?” Finn demanded immediately, rising hotly to his feet as Chewie roared his own displeasure.“Tell that—”

“Finn, get down to the turret,” Rey commanded, having no patience for his histrionics.

“You’re heading _toward_ the battle?” Kylo demanded indignantly.

“What do you expect, _Ren_?”

 _Get him off my ship_ , Chewie snarled, to which Rey had to roll her eyes, knowing the Wookie knew she had no control over that.

“Technically, he’s not _on_ your ship, Chewie.”

“They know?” Kylo practically shouted.“You _told_ them?”

“Yes,” Rey threw back at him, turning for the first time to meet his angry glare and match it with her own.“Because they needed to understand why I was acting so insane all the time.Because _I_ needed them to understand.Now, either shut up or go away.I’ve got other things to worry about.”

Rey did her best to ignore him behind her as she focused on the stars streaking toward them outside the viewport, her eye constantly angling down toward the nav.She could feel his rage boring into her back, and she saw Chewie looking toward the back of the cockpit.Obviously not seeing anything out of place, he snuffled at Rey.

_I don’t like him being here._

“I know,” she told him sympathetically.

 _Tell him he’s not welcome_.

“I’m sure he knows.”

“Knows what?”

Rey rolled her eyes.“Chewie wants me to tell you you’re not welcome here.”

“You still can’t control it, can you?”

Rey clenched jaw and fist in frustration at the fact that she still hadn’t come to exert any measure of control over this damnable bond they shared.She hadn’t yet found a way to close the trans-galactic connection, and she presumed she would be equally unsuccessful at initiating one, were she ever so inclined.Kylo, on the other hand, seemed able to come and go as he pleased.What’s more, he seemed to have an uncanny knack for showing up right when she most didn’t want him there.Such as when she was about to leap into the midst of a First Order skirmish.

“Care to give me any pointers?” she snarled through her teeth.“Are you ready, Finn?”

“Good to go!” came the shout from the lower turret.“Is His Scariness still hanging around?”

Rey actually smirked at Finn’s latest tongue-in-cheek nickname for Kylo, but a sudden authoritative command from His Scariness himself quickly had all amusement vanishing from her face.

“Commander Ieul, inform the fighters to commence one final attack run then withdraw immediately.”

“What?!” Rey cried in outrage, twisting in her chair to meet Kylo’s cold stare at the same time her shout was echoed by both Finn and Chewie, though with a more inquisitive bent.“He’s ending the attack!”

Chewie emitted a snarling roar, calling Kylo every rotten name ever invented in the Wookie language.

“Is this your idea of chivalry?” Rey cried, leaping to her feet and advancing on him in fury.

He didn’t respond but continued to stare down at her with ice in his gaze and a firm set to his jaw.She shouted obscenities at him and even drove one fist into his shoulder, taking grim though admittedly slight satisfaction in the fact that she’d actually managed to throw him off balance enough that he had to take a step back.But then, deep in his icy stare, she saw a flash of heat that she didn’t understand but that nevertheless enraged her all the more.

Frustrated and furious yet entirely impotent, she climbed back into the seat just in time to see the star lines recede into distant spots.Quickly taking in the sight before them, she saw the last of the TIE fighters enter the hangar of a single command ship, which leapt into hyperspace without delay, Finn’s single shot from the underside of the _Millennium Falcon_ sailing harmlessly through empty space.And, with that, the battle was over.She listened to the chatter and confusion over the comms as Poe’s fighter pilots registered this abrupt turn of events, staring numbly, frustrated beyond reason that she hadn’t been able to help.

“Is he still here?” Finn asked excitedly as he burst into the cockpit.

Taking a dispirited look over her shoulder, Rey muttered, “You just walked right through him.”

Finn promptly turned and started taking swings and muttering curses at thin air, to the utter obliviousness of Kylo Ren.In any other moment, Rey may have found this comical.As it was, though, she merely gestured to Chewie that she was leaving the ship in his capable hands, then climbed to her feet.

“Allow me,” she told Finn, staring Kylo in his dead, cold eyes with her own and then striking him across the jaw as hard as she could.To the accompaniment of Finn’s exuberant cheering, Rey then shoved the mountain of a man out of her way and left the cockpit as the weight in the air lifted.

“How’d that feel?” Finn jeered, prancing along behind her.

“It hurt,” she told him, rubbing at the pain in her knuckles.

“I was asking him.”

“Oh.He’s gone.But he’ll be back, I’m sure.He can’t follow me when I move around too much.So he has to wink out and come back once I’m stationary again.”

“Really?Who makes up all these rules?”

Rey sighed heavily.“I really wish I knew the answer to that, Finn.”

“So what’s the plan, then?”

“Why don’t you head back up to the cockpit with Chewie, then you two see what you can do to help down on the surface.”

“And you?”

“I’m going to have it out with His Scariness.”

Finn bounced on his heels in silent expression of his boundless energy and planted a quick kiss on Rey’s cheek before leaving her alone in the corridor.Rey then made her way down into the main cargo hold, figuring it offered as good a space as any for a confrontation.She had just settled into a completely ineffective Jedi meditation posture when Kylo appeared, certainly not one to disappoint in her expectation.

“You can hit me all you wish,” he stated flatly without preamble as Rey jumped to her feet.“You know I won’t allow you to come to any harm.”

“That’s a little hard to guarantee when we’re on opposites of a war!Why don’t you just abdicate your throne?Then you won’t be responsible for anything.”

“It’s not a throne,” he muttered petulantly.

“Really?That’s the point you want to argue?”

“I’m the Supreme Leader,” he insisted.“Not the Emperor.”

“Because _that’s_ an important distinction, right?”

He turned aside from her sarcasm, but she didn’t allow him any respite.

“Besides, _Emperor_ is coming, isn’t it?How much longer do you suppose you can possibly contain your ambition before tossing all in and declaring a new empire for yourself?It’s what you want most, isn’t it?”

The look he gave her, permeated with intense longing and regret, both moved and exasperated her.

“Oh, cut it out,” she hissed, spinning away from him and his tiresome displays of conflicted emotions.

“You know what I want.”

“Yes,” she declared, her heat in every measure contrasting his coldness.“You’ve made it abundantly clear.What matters to you is power, order, control.Well, guess what, _Emperor_ , you will never have power, order, or control over _me_.”

The same flash of heat pooled deep in his gaze, and Rey resisted the urge to strike him again.Instead, she turned away to commence her agitated pacing once again.

“This isn’t random anymore, is it?”

Her sudden change in topic seemed to derail him and he stammered for a moment before responding.“What isn’t?”

“This… _thing_ …” she spat out in impatient disgust, waving her hand inarticulately between the two of them.“You can come and go as you see fit now, can’t you?”

“Yes, I’ve learned how to control our bond.”

She rolled her eyes, hating the idea of there being anything that either of them could describe in the first person plural.That it was an intimate psychic connection, rather than a war or a battle or even an injury, only made it exponentially worse.

“And, no, I won’t show you how to block me out.”

She snorted and scoffed at him.

“It’s not something I could teach anyway.”

“Oh, found the limits of your power, have you?”

“No,” he growled, her sarcasm evidently having annoyed him enough that he advanced on her swiftly, his dark intensity rooting her in place as he hovered intimidatingly over her.“It’s not a matter of knowing _how_ , but of knowing _why_.And it’s not something anyone else can discover for you.”

“That makes no sense,” she insisted, staring defiantly up at him despite how uncomfortably close he stood.

“Which is why you have and will continue to fail in controlling _our bond_.”

Despite herself, Rey felt her breath hitch at the deliberate emphasis he placed on his last two words.He matched her defiance as he gazed deep into her soul, clearly and fully aware of how much she despised his use of those precise words to describe what it was that lay between them.But it wasn’t long before Rey felt her stamina buckling, her wherewithal to sustain this level of defiance under his heated gaze swiftly crumbling despite her best intentions.

“Don’t you have a war to go wage?” she spat out, though a strange and sudden weakness left her voice sounding more like a whimper.

“I am waging the most important battle of this war right here.”

Without her permission, Rey felt her stomach lurch and flip-flop inside her in a not-entirely-unpleasant sensation.His voice was so incredibly soft, his body so big and warm and close.A dark fire smoldered behind his eyes as he inched even closer, mesmerizing her in their fathomless depths.Thoroughly entranced, she was only dimly aware of his arm snaking behind her, pulling her even closer, until a frisson of panic deep in her core awoke and pushed its way insistently to the surface.

“Don’t do this, Ben.Please.”

He froze at her pathetically fragile whisper.Only then did Rey realize how very, very close he had come to kissing her, his lips little more than a breath from hers.Her heart pounded frantically in her chest, but at the same time it seemed to have suspended its work altogether, and her breaths came in short, erratic puffs.

“Why?” he purred, his eyes searching her face intently.“You can’t tell me you don’t feel this too, Rey.You’ve felt it from the start, just like I have.Why do you still deny me?”

“Because you deny me.”

Her broken response seemed to startle him, and he jerked back from her a little, a frown creasing his forehead.

“You deny the things that are important to me,” she clarified, his confusion and the modicum of distance she’d achieved lending her confidence.“My beliefs, my ideals, my morals…my friends.”

“They can’t understand you like I can,” he argued, and Rey recognized the profound truth in his words.

“No, they can’t.And yet they still love me.”

His body stiffened, the air halting in his lungs as her words penetrated his mind.And, without warning, Kylo released her a mere instant after the former iciness shuttered down over his gaze once again, obscuring the fire that had burned there so recently.Feeling abruptly frigid and bereft without his warmth against her, Rey blinked in astonishment, recognizing she had hit a very tender spot in his psyche, and not entirely sure how.She stared at his back turned resolutely away from her, remorse springing into her emotions despite her silent admonishments that this was her _enemy_.Why should she feel as though she’d overstepped the bounds of decency in hurting him?

He stood completely motionless for a long time, his shoulders hunched and his head bowed.And she waited, uncertain and full of trepidation.Eventually, she wondered why he didn’t just shut down their bond, seeing as she’d evidently delivered a much more damaging blow than she’d realized.But still he remained steadfast…and inscrutable.

“You called me Ben.”

His words were so low and unexpected after such a long and studied silence that at first Rey wasn’t sure they’d been uttered.Once their meaning registered in her mind, her eyebrows lifted in surprise.

“I did?When?”

“Just now,” he responded, his back still shielding him from her gaze.“When you asked me not to kiss you.”

Rey bowed her head.In all honesty, she couldn’t say if she’d used his given name in that moment, but she quickly recognized it was entirely possible.So she could only shrug noncommittally.

“Is that how you think of me?”

“I…”

Rey gazed down at the floor, not knowing how to respond to his inquiry.There had been a time, back on Ahch-To, when she’d first learned of his experiences at Master Luke’s academy, that she’d been unable to think of him as Kylo anymore.But between the aftermath of Snoke’s death and the events on Crait, she seemed to have lost that sense of empathy for him and he’d become Kylo Ren once again.But now…To choose one name over the other didn’t quite seem to fit, somehow.And she slowly began to realize that he no longer required a name in her mind, that he simply _was_.No longer either Ben or Kylo, he was simply… _hers_.

Rey choked on the breath in her throat, gasping at the thought as it came unbidden into her mind.Having landed there, though, it had swiftly wedged itself in, and she sensed she would never be rid of the notion, no matter how thoroughly she might try.At the same moment, Kylo’s head lifted.His face turned only partially toward her, but his shoulders squared as he brought himself into full composure.

“When you are able to control our bond,” he said tenderly, “you’ll find it allows you other access, too.”

She frowned, not knowing what he could mean by that but also feeling decidedly frightened by it.Access…?To what…?

His face turned more toward her again, but his gaze was cast down toward his own shoulder rather than behind it toward her.She could see only a quarter of his face, but it was rigid, tight, tense.

“You can lie to yourself, Rey.But you can’t lie to me.Not anymore.”

She frowned more deeply, not liking the ominous sound of that in the slightest.Kylo sighed and lifted his head, turning away from her.

“Call for me when you’re ready, Rey.I’ll hear you.And I’ll come.”

Then, slowly, gently, he faded away and the connection lifted.And Rey wasn’t at all sure how she felt about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my Reylo imagination! I hope you've found plenty here to intrigue you and are up for more. I always love hearing from my readers, so please leave your Kudos and comments and I promise I'll get back to you. Enjoy!!!


	2. Mourning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey responds to Kylo's pain...

Rey straightened, feeling the distinct but subtle shift in the Force.Though she had known it was coming, the moment of General Leia Organa’s passing nevertheless struck her with poignant weight.Bowing her head in grief, she smoothly and discreetly made her way out of the common area.The rest of the Resistance would find out about its profound loss soon enough.She didn’t need to bear the tidings herself.

As she reached her chamber, Rey became aware of another weight in the Force, a heart-wrenching misery that tore at her very soul.And she knew she wasn’t the only one to have noticed the general’s departure from the Force.

Rey stumbled quickly into her room, sensing that she might have an unannounced visitor very soon.Securing the door tight behind her and leaning against it, she squeezed her eyes shut.She knew she shouldn’t want to see him, but her sudden need to do so was overwhelming.He was in so much pain that she could feel it, and it tore her in two.

It had been weeks now since she’d last spoken to him.Remaining true to her internal vow, she had not called for him, not even once.Nevertheless, she’d felt him slip in to check on her a few times, but she actively ignored him each time, most often simply turning her back toward him, less often sparing a moment to glare angrily at him.Fortunately, he may have been many things, but stupid wasn’t one of them.He never lingered long, and he never attempted to force her into any conversation she wasn’t willing to have.But it had been several days now since she’d last felt the thickening of the air that heralded his presence.Unless he’d managed to check in on her while she was sleeping — which was both a very distinct and rather disturbing possibility — he’d left her alone entirely.As much as she hated to admit it, she found the absence notable.

Reaching out into the Force, she actively sought the familiarity of Kylo’s consciousness for the first time.As the air settled heavy around her, Rey wondered if she had initiated their bond through the Force.Swiftly deciding the ease of their connection on this occasion was likely due to the weight of their shared grief, she was also forced to admit to herself that the feel of his presence in the Force had become comforting, that she missed it when it wasn’t with her.Suppressing these thoughts, she opened her eyes to find Kylo before her, crouched on his knees, his forehead pressed to the floor between his tightly clenched fists, shoulders shuddering with silent sobs.

Rey hesitated, wanting to call his name softly but unsure which one to use, wanting to reach out to comfort him but uncertain her touch would be welcome.But as she observed him, she felt her heart break for him, fully aware of the magnitude of grief that brought him to such a state.And it was with both surprise and expectation that she felt tears streaming from her eyes.

Alerted by some subtle sound or awareness that bypassed her consciousness, Kylo turned abruptly, his grief turning instantly to anger the moment he saw her.

“Get out!” he shouted viciously.“I don’t want you here!”

“Ben…”

Rey knew the moment the syllable left her lips that it was the absolute worst thing she could have said.Kylo’s rage pulsed through the Force, staggering her with its weight as he flew to his feet to confront her, towering close over her, intimidating her.

“You never wanted anything to do with me before,” he raged wildly.“Why should it be any different now?”

Rey stared up into his eyes, knowing the deep anguish that hid behind the fury they exuded.She stood up straight to him, refusing to be cowed by the proximity of either his height or his anger.Neither did she attempt to hide her own grief, as well as her empathy for his pain.After a moment of staring deeply into one another’s gaze, Rey saw his composure crack, a flash of anguish surfacing through the wrath.

“No!” he shouted with renewed vigor, burying his vulnerability once again.“Just get out!”

Spinning away from her, he retreated and sat heavily, cradling his head between his knees, his knuckles whitening with the pressure he exerted against his scalp.Breathing erratically, Rey gazed upon him a moment longer, longing to throw her arms around him.Wisely choosing discretion over impulse, she approached him slowly, watching the muscles of his shoulders and back tense even more as she did.With infinite care, as though to avoid scaring off a skittish bird, Rey knelt before him, as close as she could manage.

“Ben…” she murmured softly, eliciting a violent shaking of his head as he continued to deny her.

But Rey would have none of it, knowing she couldn’t live with herself to leave him in this state without offering what she came here to offer.She spoke his name again with infinite tenderness, and lifted a hand to touch his jaw.Feeling the moisture of his tears, she applied gentle pressure, encouraging him to lift his face to hers.Reluctantly, he did, and Rey held his gaze in silence for a heartbeat or two.

“I loved her too, Ben.”

His carefully controlled countenance lost all its composure, crumpling in anguish as fresh sorrow ripped through him.Unable to bear this sight, Rey rose upon her knees, reaching for his shoulders, but then he suddenly moved.He fell toward her, his knees landing on either side of hers, and impulsively gathered her into his arms, holding her tight as the weight of his grief tore through his chest while he buried his face in her hair.Rey held him close, her hands alternately stroking his back and cradling his head, occasionally whispering words of comfort to him whilst simultaneously dealing with her own sorrow.

“I had hoped…I’d actually hoped…”

Moaned in misery, the magnitude of his suffering rendered his words neither soft nor smooth, his voice cracking and shuddering with raw emotion.Rey didn’t understand the exact meaning of his words, but she recognized the hopelessness they reflected, his conviction that something had been irredeemably lost with his mother’s passing.She wanted to deny it, to comfort him and offer platitudes, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so, unable to foresee a path toward acceptance, resolution, and peace in this moment of depthless sorrow.

“Why did you abandon me, Rey?”

Rey choked on a sob that caught painfully in her throat.

“Why couldn’t you take my hand, like I asked?”

She closed her eyes, burying her face into his hair as she recognized for the first time what her rejection in the wake of Snoke’s death had meant for him.All this time, all these long months spent waging this senseless war, she’d only ever thought of that moment from her own perspective, feeling the deep sense of betrayal when he’d asked her to join him in establishing a new order in the galaxy.All she’d been able to focus on, both then and since, had been his ambition to rule and his inability to relinquish that need.After the incredible unity they had experienced as they’d fought the Praetorian guard together, their every movement and impulse in perfect synchronization with one another, she’d felt blindsided by his offer, so profoundly disappointed that such harmony remained insufficient for him.But now, for the first time, she saw it from his side, the depth of astonishment and disappointment with which he viewed her attempt to steal back Master Luke’s lightsaber and escape him, rather than join him.He’d accused her of holding on, demanded that she let go, but he hadn’t expected her to choose to let go of _him_ , not after what they’d just experienced together.For the first time, Rey recognized that not only had he broken her heart, but she’d broken his.

Finding a sudden resolve, Kylo pushed himself out of Rey’s embrace, rising abruptly to pace several long strides from her, his hunched back to her as he bowed his face into his hands and forced his emotions under control.Rey felt him closing himself off from her, blocking her access to his consciousness.Certain he aimed to close their connection, she bowed her head in acceptance, but was surprised when an angry demand instead floated its way to her ears.

“Why are you here?”

Rey looked up from where she knelt on the floor, Kylo standing with crossed arms and impervious countenance several paces from her.His voice and stance were harsh, unforgiving, his gaze impenetrable despite the swollen redness rimming his eyes.Self-consciously, Rey bowed her face, her eyes falling upon her hands in her lap, her fingers wringing together nervously and ceaselessly.

“I could feel your pain, and I couldn’t…”

“You reject me, again and again, and you think I want you here now, for _this_?”

“I…I needed to see you.”

“As always, it’s all about you.”

Rey turned her face away from him, the severity of his tone wringing fresh pain from her shattered heart.

“What do you _want_ from me, Rey?”

She shook her head compulsively at the pain and frustration suffusing those words, new tears streaking her face as they forced her to confront the fact that she had no idea what she wanted.Angered by her lack of response, Kylo appeared suddenly before her, gripping her shoulders and turning her bodily to confront him.

“Tell me, Rey!” he demanded, his strong grip trembling as he shook her in frustration.“What do you want?”

“I don’t know!” she cried, her own hands coming up to grip his elbows.“I don’t know what I want!I want it all to end!I don’t want to feel so torn!I don’t want to feel alone and I don’t want you to feel alone, but I don’t know how I can have any of that when I can’t stand you and you can’t stand me!I just don’t know!”

Rey bowed her head low in the wake of her confession, her aching sobs penetrating the still silence as she pressed her forehead into Kylo’s chest, weeping uncontrollably as her hands fisted in his sleeves, so incredibly aware of his presence surrounding her despite the gulf that seemed nevertheless to separate them.Lost in her private misery, she gasped in surprise when she felt warmth at her chin, a single finger crooked beneath and lifting her gently but determinedly to meet his gaze.

“You think I can’t stand you?” he murmured softly, his depthless gaze holding her transfixed.

And there, beyond the grief and the anger, behind the carefully constructed shields, she saw the truth, one that she had known upon reflection to be there all along, but which she’d been too frightened to see.Now, gazing deep into her soul, he bared himself to her entirely, denying her all the self-delusions behind which she’d hidden all this time.Utterly mesmerized by his silent revelation, Rey was completely unaware of Kylo leaning toward her, his gaze dropping to her mouth at his slow approach.When he touched his lips to hers, Rey inhaled sharply and jerked back, but Kylo caught her face in his palm, thwarting her retreat.His eyes rose languidly from his focus on her lips and back to her eyes, a challenge shining bright behind them.

“You truly can’t stand me, Rey?”

Rey swallowed convulsively, wanting desperately to escape his gentle hold and yet having nowhere else in the galaxy she’d rather be.She saw heat bloom deep in his dark gaze as she hesitated, and she swallowed again, already shaking her head minutely as a croaked “No” escaped her throat.This time, when his lips met hers, she didn’t retreat, but neither did she encourage him.She held herself rigid as the surprising softness of his lips attempted to coax hers into participating.Her heart pounding and her blood singing deafeningly in her ears while her breaths came quick and shallow, Rey silently admonished herself, knowing she should stop this but somehow lacking the strength to do so.The most she could do was endure stoically, though her own lips betrayed her when they puckered slightly at his last withdrawal to finish the kiss.

“You’re still keeping me out, Rey,” he whispered, his thumb stroking her cheek as he continued to cradle her jaw.“Why won’t you let me in?”

“How can I?” she whimpered, tears falling once more.“You’re the Emperor.You’re everything I stand against.”

“No,” he answered.“Not now.Not here.”

She shook her head frantically, falling away from him as she closed her eyes against the burning of her tears.But Kylo caught her face between both his hands even as she repeated “I can’t” desperately, over and over, pulling her back toward him and settling her forehead against his.

“Can’t we deal with that later?” he pleaded, his lips planting a wisp of a kiss on the tip of her nose.“For right now, can I just be Ben?”

Rey sobbed loudly, knowing instinctively this was the first time he’d referred to himself by that name in over half his lifetime.But still she denied him, shaking her head, fighting her own desires and impulses for everything she was worth.

“Rey… _Please_ …”

Looking back on it later, she still couldn’t pinpoint exactly what exactly had broken through her defenses, but with a small, pathetic whimper, she conceded the fight, pressing herself into his embrace and his kiss as she abandoned all reason.His arms came around her with strength as he pulled her up against his body, his kiss seeking to devour her every bit as much as hers did.She wept even as she lost herself in his embrace, her hands pulling him against her and fumbling for purchase as she felt his heartbeat thundering in synchronization with hers.She lost all sense of time, knowing only the feel of him, the taste of him, and the wonder of being united in this expression of desire.For as long as the kiss endured, she even managed to forget the war and their conflicting sides in it.As he’d suggested, it was only him…and her.

When the initial urgency of their contact had at last waned, Rey found herself huddled close in Ben’s embrace, her shoulder wedged tight against his chest while his chin rested atop her head.She pressed her face into his neck, feeling the rough rasp of his clothing.She closed her eyes, feeling the war waging within her mind as she both reveled in his embrace and admonished herself for it, willing this sheltered oblivion to last at least a bit longer.

“What had you hoped?” she found herself murmuring into his clavicle, without having even realized she’d intended to speak.

“What?”

Rey pressed her face into his chest again, feeling the rumble of his voice and knowing instinctively she must relish it while she could.Her fist twisted into the fabric at his side, an unconscious gesture against the separation that she knew must come all too soon.

“About…Leia.You said you had hoped something…”

Rey felt the expansion of his chest as he inhaled deeply, and she knew he’d made the necessary connection to answer her question, but he remained silent.And still remained silent.Rey suppressed a defeated sigh, recognizing perhaps what Ben had remarked upon when he’d accused her of shutting him out.She had decided not to pressure him, though, when he surprised her by answering.

“That I might be able to see her again.”

Rey closed her eyes against the fresh surge of grief that washed over her with his words.She pressed herself closer to him and felt him respond by holding her tighter.

“She never stopped loving you,” she whispered, her tears being absorbed by his clothing.

She felt him still at her words, even his breath suspended as he reflected upon them.

“I didn’t think that was possible,” he mused.“Not after…”

 _Han_.

Rey nodded, not needing Ben to utter the words to know what he meant.And, while it seemed he couldn’t outright speak the words relating what he’d done, that evidently didn’t mean he couldn’t talk about it.

“I was so wrong, Rey,” he moaned softly.“It was supposed to make me stronger, more confident.I’ve never been so wrong.”

“What made you think it would make you stronger?”

Rey felt him swallow nervously before he answered.“Snoke.”

“He’d been lying to you for a long time, hadn’t he?”

“I still don’t know which were lies and…”He sighed heavily.

Rey fell silent, her mind falling to her one memory of Snoke, of the vile feeling she’d had in his presence, and wondered how he had endured for so long.She also wondered what sort of abuse he’d endured at his former master’s hands, for no doubt there had been much.Indeed, if even some portion of what she’d seen in Ben’s eyes regarding his feelings for her were true, then surely being forced to witness her torture had been torture for him too.

“Ask,” Ben’s voice interjected softly, evidently sensing her hesitation.

“Do you regret killing him?”

He held her closer again, pressing a tender but firm kiss to the top of her head as he answered with a different nuance.“No, Rey, I don’t regret choosing you over him.”

Rey squeezed her eyes shut at the pain that suddenly gripped her heart, recognizing anew just how profound of a blow she’d struck him by refusing his proposal.After killing his master, the Supreme Leader of the First Order, in order to preserve her life, she’d rejected him then abandoned him the first chance she got.

“I can’t _rule_ with you, Ben,” she moaned in fresh misery.“That’s not something I even remotely want.”

“I know, Rey,” he consoled, shushing her gently.“It was wrong of me to ask.I know that now.But I want you with me.”

Rey pushed away from him and turned to gaze directly and intently into his eyes with desperate earnestness.“Then _leave_ , Ben.Just come away with me.We can leave all this behind, can’t we?”

She watched in dismay as he turned his face away from her and swallowed anxiously.“I can’t.”

Unable to help herself, Rey knotted up her hand into a fist and struck him completely ineffectively on the chest.

“Damn you and your damn ambition, _Kylo Ren_!” she snarled angrily.“Why are you so damn obsessed with controlling the galaxy?”

“Stop!” he insisted, his expression having darkened considerably at her use of that name.

He caught her fist as she continued to beat at him, his sizable hand practically engulfing the tight knot of flesh and bone.Swinging his legs about, he rose up onto his knees as she attempted to retreat from him.Having no choice but to trap her, he pressed himself over her bodily until she stared up at him hovering over her while she lay flat on her back.Pinning her down with her legs trapped under one of his, he hissed down into her face.

“No, listen to me!It’s not like that!”

Forcing herself to still, knowing his physical strength made any struggle decidedly one sided since neither of them were able to access the Force to affect the other in these cross-galaxy connections they shared, Rey held her breath, waiting skeptically to see how Kylo finagled logic onto his side in this respect.

“I’ve thought countless times about just abandoning it all, leaving the First Order and begging you to leave the Resistance with me.”

“But instead, you go and declare yourself Emperor.Very effective—”

“ _Don’t_ ,” he interrupted forcefully, menacingly, “call me Kylo Ren again.”

Rey blinked up at him in surprise, registering the heated intensity of his gaze.She swallowed anxiously, for the first time wondering if she were in danger with him.He sighed, looking away for a moment to gather his thoughts.

“I declared myself Emperor so I could fully take charge and _end_ this war.”

“By hunting me and my friends down and exterminating us all!”

“Gods, Rey!” he cried, then grit his teeth and bowed his head to her shoulder.“I love this fire in you, but sometimes it just really pisses me off!”

Rey stared, wide eyed, an instinct informing her this may have been one of the most honest things he’d ever said to her.

“Have you truly not noticed that all our attacks have been against manufacturing and storage facilities?I know where your headquarters are, Rey, and I won’t strike it.I don’t want to exterminate anyone.I want to disable the Resistance enough that it has to stand down and negotiate with me.That’s the most expedient way I know to finish this.”

“They’ll never give in,” she countered, protesting his logic.“They believe too much in what they’re fighting for. _I_ believe in it too much.”

“When they have nothing left to fight _with_ , they’ll talk.”

“No, they won’t.They’d rather die first!The only way to end this is if you leave, come away with me—”

“You still don’t get it!” he growled fiercely in frustration.“I’m the only thing keeping you alive, Rey, my authority, my power, my secrets.If I walk away, there are countless generals ready to step in and take command, not to mention my Knights, and they _do_ want to see the complete annihilation of the Resistance, they _do_ want you and every last one of your friends dead.”

“Then fight with us!” Rey countered, her voice breathless and pleading.“Help us defeat the First Order!”

He stared down at her for a time, a distinct sadness slowly encroaching on his gaze, and Rey saw the moment that he ceded the argument.Slowly, resignedly, he pushed himself back from her, releasing her from his physical control and sitting back away from her.Rey sat up and watched him intently, uncertain what had just happened.She caught a subtle nod he gave her, as if to suggest that he understood her confusion, and he sighed deeply.

“You still see us as enemies, on opposite sides of the issue.Until that changes…nothing else can change.”

He turned away from her then, contemplating something invisible to her.She could feel the widening chasm between them, and she desperately wanted to reach across it, to reclaim the sense of closeness they had shared just moments ago.But his words echoed in her mind, daring her to refute them because she knew she couldn’t.She knew she felt something huge and profound for him.After this, there was no way she could deny it anymore.But she also knew there was no hope for it, that their circumstances made anything between them utterly impossible.He seemed to think it was a simple matter of changing her perspective, though, on what, she wasn’t sure.The war?The New Empire?Him?How could any of that simply be what it wasn’t?And he was absolutely right that, until things weren’t what they are, the two of them could not be.

“Thank you for coming to console me about my mother,” he said softly, the cold, stoic control she had always associated with Kylo Ren settling over him once again like a thick, protective blanket.“But I think you should go now.”

“Ben, I—”

Rey didn’t know what she wanted to say, only that she despised this cold distance from him in the wake of such heated passion he’d shown her.But a small chink in his emotional armor as he interrupted her momentarily exposed the depth of the pain her presence caused him.

“Please, Rey.Just go.”

Rey closed her eyes, one last tear escaping her eye as she sought his familiar presence in the Force and pushed against it, separating it from herself.When she opened her eyes again, he was gone, her chamber feeling decidedly colder and more lonely without him there.And, thoroughly violating the notion that she’d been finished, she curled into a fetal position on the floor and wept.


	3. Ren's Knight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you’re trying to live a peaceful life and a Knight of Ren shows up…

Rey finally managed to pull the faulty component with one last tug and an accompanying grunt when she suddenly became aware of a new presence.Twisting to look behind her and out of the ship’s cavity in which she’d wedged herself, she saw a figure masked in black.Her heart leapt and her body convulsed, crashing her head into the interior of the hull.She extricated herself quickly, falling to her knees on the scaffolding and spinning to confront Kylo Ren…except it wasn’t him.

The figure standing before her was entirely reminiscent of Kylo, with its long, flowing robes and full-faced helmet trimmed in silver-toned metal.But, unless he had decided on a new design for his mask and somehow shaved several inches off his height, this was not Kylo.The realization, however, accomplished little in easing her anxiety as she stared in mute astonishment, waiting to see what would happen next.

“You are Taedra?”

Rey blinked, startled to learn that the figure behind this particular mask was a woman.

“Who’s asking?” she demanded, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“You will ask no questions.”

Rey stared.She could feel pressure in her mind, pushing her in a particular direction and, though she’d never before felt its effects, knew this must be an attempt at manipulation of her will through the Force.For a moment, fear gripped her as she realized why this strange woman was dressed so similarly to Kylo, but she tamped it down quickly, knowing this cloaked woman could possibly be alert to any strong emotional responses on her part.As for the Force manipulation, she found it easy to resist, although she also recognized the colossal error it would be for her to reveal that truth to the Knight of Ren before her.

“I will ask no questions,” she stated in a flat monotone, her face carefully devoid of expression.

“You will come with me.”

Rather than respond, Rey obediently stood and jumped the meter from the scaffolding to land next to the Knight, who promptly led her deeper into the landing field.And that’s when yet another presence made itself known.

“What’s wrong?”

Rey grit her teeth against Kylo’s abrupt intrusion, annoyed that she now had to deal with two Knights of Ren, as if one weren’t enough.Wiping her hand across her mouth to signal her inability to speak freely, Rey quickly projected an image of the masked woman she followed.If she had been hoping that Kylo would provide reassurance that this woman meant her no harm, she was sorely disappointed when he swore violently instead.

“That’s Cerisse,” he said, his alarm zinging through into Rey’s mind.“What does she want with you?Does she know you’re Force-sensitive?”

Rey responded the only way she could: by lifting her hand to scratch at the corner of her mouth.

_I can’t talk, you dolt_! she thought viciously, for all the good it would do.

“She’s dangerous, Rey.You can’t let her know who you are.Or what you are.You hear me?This is important!”

She nodded briefly, but then the Knight was stopping and turning to address Rey again.

“This is my ship,” Cerisse explained.“You will repair my ship with all haste.”

“I will repair your ship with all haste,” Rey responded dutifully, grateful that her ruse of falling prey to the Knight’s Force manipulation could also serve to get Kylo off her back…maybe.

“You will take no food, rest, or other work until after I am safely away.”

“I will take no food, rest, or other work until after you are safely away.”

Satisfied, the black-clad woman nodded briefly and stepped back, at which Rey promptly approached the ship to begin her diagnostic work.To her great relief, Cerisse did not follow her aboard, though Kylo did.

“She has an ongoing mission to locate Force-sensitives.If she finds out you are, she will kill you.And, trust me, Rey, she will relish it.”

Rey scowled darkly at her own private specter lurking behind her.

“Lovely company you keep,” she muttered under her breath, loud enough for Kylo to hear.

He didn’t respond to her jab, but she could practically feel his annoyance.

“Does she know your name?” he demanded instead.

“No.I’m using a false name here.”

And then it occurred to Rey that this meant he could find out just where _here_ was.Once she’d learned upon her last conversation with him that he knew the location of the Resistance’s headquarters, he had promptly and strenuously recommended their relocation.As an additional precaution, she had requested an indefinite leave of absence, an instinct informing her that it was she Kylo was able to locate, not the Resistance as a whole.For months she had worked her way from port to port, always going by an alias, until she’d earned enough to purchase an old, decrepit shuttle she could fix up.And all this time, Kylo had been blissfully absent.Until now.And, regardless of whether or not Kylo could sense her location on his own, now he need only ask his minion.Her sudden spike in irritation and string of inventive expletives drew Kylo to her side immediately.

“What?What’s happening?”

She spared a moment to glare at him.“I had a good thing here, and now it’s ruined.”

“What?” he repeated inanely.“How?”

“As soon as she leaves, I’ll have to leave, too.”

“Why?”

Rey scoffed at him and returned her attention to the ship’s alarms and malfunction indicators.If he couldn’t put two and two together to realize he now knew how to find her, she wasn’t going to do it for him.

“Would you go away?” she moaned irritably.“I don’t get to eat or sleep until after I’ve fixed this piece of junk, and you’re distracting me.Why are you here, anyway?”

“I felt your fear.I was worried.”

“The great Kylo Ren?Who wants nothing more than to hunt me down and destroy me?Worried?”

“Come on, Rey,” he objected, his tone actually one of hurt.“You know that’s not what I want.”

Rey looked up at him, and he gazed upon her with such morose sincerity in his eyes that she was struck breathless.For a moment, she thought she could see the man she’d almost come to care for, the one she’d traveled to the _Supremacy_ to rescue from the Dark Side, the one she’d thought of as Ben.She’d seen glimpses of him all those months ago when his mother had passed away too, and she was grateful she’d been there to comfort him when he most needed it.But he’d also forced her to confront the ways she’d hurt him.She still struggled with that knowledge, the only wisdom she’d gleaned from it being that everything was not as neatly black and white, or Dark and Light, as she had thought.Nevertheless, she knew for the sake of her own sanity that she had to recognize that Ben was an illusion, a desperate fantasy she’d once been foolish enough to believe in.Kylo Ren was the reality, and she was emphatically annoyed she had to remind herself of that fact yet again.

Weighed down by a sadness she wished she didn’t feel, Rey pushed her way past Kylo without any response.She had determined the components of the ship that were causing it to malfunction and she suspected she knew what was wrong, but she needed to confirm it.Although the heaviness in the air let her know that he had not closed their connection, Rey was able to ignore his presence as she visually confirmed her diagnostic and then headed back toward her work shed.Halfway there, a distinct pressure in the Force alerted her to the fact that Kylo’s underling was attempting to freeze her in place.Although it would have been a very simple matter to resist, Rey followed the insistent nudging and stopped, turning to face Cerisse as she strode confidently toward her.

“Where are you going?” she demanded imperiously.

“To get my tools,” Rey snapped, perhaps more vehemently than was strictly wise.

Although she couldn’t see the woman’s expression, Rey imagined the woman beneath the mask blinking in surprise, unaccustomed to being addressed so fearlessly.Quickly determining an attitude of cocky assuredness was warranted given that Cerisse must have already been told she was the best mechanic available, Rey deliberately maintained her condescending tone as she continued.

“You must have been docked here several days.The moss has grown up over your conductors, and it’ll need to be cleaned off.Not at all unusual here.I’ll have you on your way in thirty. _If_ you’ll let me get my tools.”

With again perhaps more bravado than was strictly advisable, Rey turned away from the woman who could probably have made her life considerably more difficult if not outright over.Evidently, Kylo didn’t like the approach she’d taken either.

“Are you completely insane?” he hissed, his long strides having no trouble keeping up with her shorter but angrier ones.“Do you know what she could _do_ to you?”

It was all Rey could do not to turn on him and start howling in frustration, rather than merely slap her hand against her mouth, emphatically pointing out to him that she could not respond.She knew Cerisse was watching, after all.After gathering the tools and supplies that would make the repair not only routine but also quick and painless, Rey headed back the way she came…right past Cerisse.

“Hold, Taedra.”

Rey stumbled to a stop right by her, fighting to maintain her equilibrium as she turned to look at the Knight coolly.

“Who are you?” she asked curiously.“Where do you hail from?”

Tamping down her instinct toward fear, Rey responded, “I’m an orphan, from—”

“Do _not_ say Jakku!”

Rey blinked in surprise at Ben’s vehement interjection, but managed to keep her eyes trained on Cerisse.

“Yonthraloh,” she concluded more or less smoothly, naming a bustling city just beyond the wilds of the jungle from here.

“You do not know who your parents are?”

“They were junk traders.They sold me for chems.I’ve been told they’re dead in a ditch somewhere.”

Try though she might, Rey couldn’t hold back the resentment from her expression, and she knew from Kylo’s utter silence that he recognized the bitter tone behind her words was directed entirely at him.Then, to twist the knife further in whatever passed as a heart for him, she added, “I’m nobody.”

“It’s fortunate you have such a talent for mechanics, then,” Cerisse commented after a brief hesitation, her words nonchalant though her tone was anything but.“Almost a _preternatural_ talent, one might say.”

Rey stared, uncertain how to respond.Her instincts told her there was considerably more to Cerisse’s comment than was evident and that she was treading on dangerous ground, but she didn’t understand why and therefore didn’t know how to avoid falling into the trap she sensed had been laid for her.She felt tendrils of the Force probing at her mind, and she allowed them to pass into and through her, gently guiding them along benign paths.But it seemed this defense was not as transparent as Rey had hoped, and the intensity of the Force probe multiplied.A mote of fear bloomed deep in Rey’s mind, fully aware she could afford to neither allow Cerisse access to her thoughts nor prevent the same, when the exploring fingers suddenly withdrew.Rey watched as Cerisse cocked her head to the side, as though listening intently.

“Come with me,” she commanded suddenly, the Force pushing suddenly and insistently at Rey.

She obeyed immediately, trudging along behind the flowing advance of the Knight’s deathly black robes as they returned to her ship.Following her into the small craft, Rey watched in growing alarm, her eyes searching for any possible escape, while Cerisse took her seat at the helm and pressed an insistently blinking indicator switch.

“Report,” Kylo’s voice suddenly blared out impatiently into the space of the cockpit, echoing for Rey curiously since she also heard his voice through their Force connection.

Rey stared openly in surprise at Kylo as Cerisse responded to him through her ship’s comms.

“I have been temporarily delayed on Yavin IV, my Master, but I should be underway within the hour.”

“Yavin IV?” Kylo repeated with curiosity and triumph, his eyes fixed resolutely on Rey, who in turn suppressed a sigh of utter exhaustion and disappointment at the prospect of having to pick up her life – meager though it was – and move again.“And your results there?”

“I have dispatched one, along with all peripherals,” she responded dutifully, “and…”

Cerisse turned to regard Rey, and she could imagine her eyes pondering her carefully as she decided how to address the possibility of having stumbled across another user of the Force.

“And, what?” Kylo demanded impatiently.

“And I shall be heading on to my next destination soon, Master.”

“See that you do.”

And, with that, Rey saw Kylo reach out to punch a control at the same time that the indicator on Cerisse’s helm ceased its blinking.He was still there, though Rey quickly forced herself to disregard him as the Knight turned toward her.

“Complete your work!” she snarled angrily.

Rey gasped and buckled over when a sharp pain stabbed her in the gut, but it subsided quickly as Cerisse pushed past her and left her alone in the little ship.Pulling herself upright, Rey glared openly at Kylo.

“Peripherals?” she questioned him stiffly.

Kylo didn’t answer and instead only turned his face away from her, breaking her lock on his gaze, but at least he had the decency to look discomfited by her scrutiny.She didn’t need him to confirm the meaning behind his Knight’s report.She knew perfectly well that Cerisse had found and eliminated not only the Force-sensitive for whom she’d come to this jungle moon, but also every immediate relative of that person that she could find.Based on both her own instincts and Kylo’s words, Rey pictured Cerisse as so zealous and dedicated in her duty that she probably murdered that doomed soul’s neighbors too, just for the crime of having perhaps witnessed any manipulations of the Force.

“You disgust me,” Rey spat out as she turned aside to get her work done and get this monstrous Knight out of her hair, regretting that she couldn’t accomplish the same in regard to the Knight’s master, as well.

Kylo remained silent, watching her clean the sticky, clinging moss from the ship’s components with angry, jerky motions.She tried to ignore him as best she could, but the work was mind-numbingly routine and she found she had little to occupy her thoughts beyond imagining just how many people’s lives had ended at Cerisse’s hands throughout the years, not to mention the rest of the Knights of Ren.When at last the work was done, Rey hurried to the cockpit and fired the ship up without issue.Venturing outside, she found Cerisse striding toward her, clearly eager to be on her way.Rey stood at the bottom of the gangplank, wiping the last of the moss from her fingers.

“That’s seventy-five credits,” she informed the black-clad monster with aplomb.

Cerisse scoffed and gestured in Rey’s direction, flinging her back behind her as she strode resolutely up into the shuttle.Rey watched from her backside as the door to the craft closed and the smoothly-operating engines lifted the little ship into the air.And, with a blast of engines, the Knight of Ren was at last gone.Well, one of them at least.

Rey climbed to her feet, brushing the clingy moss from the jungle floor off her hands and clothing, and marched resolutely up to Kylo, not particularly caring if any other patrons or mechanics might find her actions peculiar.

“You owe me seventy-five credits,” she snarled.

She caught sight of a twitch at the corner of his mouth, one that she was further enraged to realize was likely an amused smile, and she turned away, marching off toward her work shed.She felt him following along behind her and she rolled her eyes, wondering why he didn’t just go away.Hadn’t he done enough damage by now?

“Are you going to wait there for me to bring it to you?” he inquired once she’d reached her destination and started throwing her tools and few belongings into a case.

“Gods, no.I’ll be long gone.”

From the corner of her eye, she saw him nod.Interestingly, though, he almost seemed sad.

“I don’t suppose you’d trust me if I said you could stay there without my interference.”

Rey straightened and stared at him, her jaw tight.Trust?He’d actually suggested that she _trust_ him?Why on earth would she do such a foolish thing?But then she noticed the look in his eyes, one that seemed to express remorse at causing her to move on yet again.Yes, it was a pain, but she had her small, old, decrepit ship and plenty of valuable skills as a mechanic.She had even saved up enough credits that she didn’t need to worry about finding work right away.Maybe she’d take some time to explore some of the planets in this stretch of the Outer Rim, places of which she had yet to learn of their existence, let alone their names.Her cynicism dictated that of course he’d want her to stay put so he could come claim her, but she couldn’t escape the notion that he was genuinely sorry she had to uproot herself once more.

“You could stay,” he murmured into the silence left by Rey’s hesitation.“I won’t come for you.”

She frowned.“Why not?”

He stared deep and still into her eyes, and it occurred to her belatedly how odd her response had been, her tone almost sounding disappointed.

“Because you don’t want me to,” he answered simply.When she remained resolutely silent, he added, “I’d rather you come to me.”

Rey swallowed, not at all liking the current turn of this conversation.

“I tried that already,” she pointed out, her throat inexplicably dry in this hot and humid climate.

He nodded, stepping back from her and bowing his face downward.She knew he’d caught her meaning, recalling when she’d delivered herself into the grip of the First Order, all to confront him and turn him to the Light.Yet again, for at least the millionth time since it had happened, she recalled the image of him, standing with his hand extended and breaking her heart as he revealed his true self.

“No,” she whispered at long last.“No, I can’t trust you.”

Kylo nodded again and turned away from her, looking back over his shoulder briefly as he murmured, “Be safe, Rey.”

And he faded from sight.


	4. Paradise...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eventually, Kylo and Rey just get tired of fighting all the time.

“You don’t have to go away, you know.”

Rey spoke into the weighted air around her.Although she hadn’t spotted Kylo yet, she knew he was there.Ever since her chance run-in with Cerisse Ren, he had taken to checking in on her more frequently.It was highly unusual now for her to go a week without sensing his presence through their Force bond, though he rarely lingered or spoke.At first, she’d been annoyed by his refusal to interact with her but, after forcing herself to consider his behavior from _his_ perspective rather than her own, she’d come to realize he was simply being polite.He knew she didn’t welcome his presence, but at the same time she knew he had some inexplicable compulsion to assure himself that she was well.Once she’d thought of it in those terms, it had become clear that his occasionally popping in to check on her was his compromise.And his reticence to speak with her was out of deference to _her_ desires, not his.

“I thought you didn’t want to have anything to do with me.”

She pondered that idea, turning to face him at last. _Want_.What a curious choice of word.There were so many things she _wanted_ , things that couldn’t possibly coexist.And, as much as she’d tried to convince herself that wanting him completely absent from her life was one of them, it had simply become too exhausting to keep up that charade.If nothing else, it was nice knowing that someone, somewhere cared enough to want to know she was safe, even if it meant incurring her ire.

“I’ve accepted that you’re going to check in on me from time to time, whether I like it or not,” she explained calmly.“Speaking with me when you do makes it seem somehow less…intrusive.”

She could see in his tight nod that he felt guilty for having made her feel invaded, and she turned away from his unnecessary self-recrimination.Yes, it had irked her to no end, but she’d made her own peace with it.Surely, as he saw that in her, he would too.Leaning back, she tilted her face toward the sky, luxuriating in an activity that still felt to her like the height of decadence.

“Where _are_ you?”

Rey stifled an amused smirk, recognizing immediately how strange this must look to him, given that he could see nothing of her surroundings, only her body.Deliberately toying with him, she answered in the broadest sense possible.

“Galea.”

If her intent had been to tease him by withholding pertinent knowledge, she would have been disappointed, because the crease in his brow lifted abruptly as he understood what it was he witnessed.

“You’re swimming,” he stated in a tone of realization.

She nodded, her eyebrows suddenly rising sharply when he inexplicably smiled.Stunned by the sight of Kylo Ren, fearsome Emperor of the New Empire actually smiling, Rey found the expression to be quite contagious.

“What?” she challenged defiantly, fighting the upward pull at the corners of her mouth.

“It just looks so odd,” he explained, settling into a crouch on the sandy bank.“You’re floating _in_ my floor.”

She did smile then, imagining what that must look like.But then Kylo abruptly frowned again.

“Wait…You know how to swim?”

Rey laughed lightly, understanding his confusion.After all, she’d grown up on a world where water was precious and certainly not to be squandered on something as frivolous as full bodily immersion.

“No,” she confessed, “not really.I’m using the Force to stay afloat.See?”

And with that, she released the tension she’d maintained, her head slipping promptly below the surface of the water for a moment before she reactivated her buoyancy.

“I sink like a rock,” she pointed out needlessly as she smoothed her hair back out of her face with one hand.

Looking up at Kylo, though, she was surprised to find him scowling.

“Don’t do that again,” he growled darkly.

And, she couldn’t help it, she smiled at him again, knowing his fierce expression to be out of concern for her safety.She paddled away from him then, using an approximation of the arm and leg motions she’d seen others using, although she didn’t really need to.Circling around back to him, she found he had lost his scowl.Good.She liked him better this way.

“Describe it to me,” he suggested, a wistful look in his eye.

“Where I am?” she clarified, continuing when he nodded.“It’s just after dawn, so it’s not terribly hot yet, but it’s already warm.There’s a waterfall over here on my right that feeds into this pool, and another one back there that leads down to the sea.Don’t worry, I’m staying well away from it.There are fish and creatures in the water with me.I can feel their presence, but I don’t see them.They’re scared of me so they stay away.The water is a beautiful translucent green, and I can see swirls deep inside it as creatures stir up the silt at the bottom.It’s probably slimy down there, so I’m avoiding that too.There’s a narrow sand bank at the edge of the pool.That’s where you are.And behind you there are trees and plants in amazing, vibrant colors and so much more life than I ever thought one world could hold.It’s incredibly beautiful here.And peaceful.It’s like nothing else exists in the galaxy.”

Having finished her narration, she turned back toward him in the water, finding him silent and still with half a smile on his face.When he failed to respond, Rey just smiled serenely and propelled herself around in the water again, enjoying its coolness on her skin and the floaty sensation it created.Turning back once more, she laughed to find Kylo walking toward her.

“You’re walking on the water!” she giggled, her neck craning back at a much sharper angle now to see him.

He smiled, an actual genuine smile, as opposed to an attempt to stifle one.

“No,” he insisted, “I already told you, you’re in my floor.”

She returned his smile, delighting in his teasing tone, but it faded when he knelt then reached one hand down to her.Her breath caught in her throat, and she told herself it was due to the memory of the last time he’d invited her to take his hand like this, in Snoke’s throne room after they’d dispatched his Praetorian guard together.But, being honest with herself, she knew it wasn’t really.The last time she’d spoken to him, they’d departed on such terms that she hadn’t been certain he’d ever speak to her again, at least not with anything less than spiteful hatred.Now, both his presence and his extended hand clearly demonstrated otherwise.Stifling tremors of trepidation, Rey reached up to take his hand.

Seemingly without effort, Kylo pulled Rey upward and her body obliged, rising from the pool, water dripping and sluicing off her skin and the clothing in which she swam.She stood before him, her toes trailing at the surface of the water, but she felt no pressure or discomfort at being suspended.She smiled at him, wondering what this would look like if someone happened to come by.

“Are you still using the Force to suspend yourself?”When she nodded, he suggested with a tone of curiosity in his voice, “Stop.See what happens.”

She did, certain she would fall back into the water, but she didn’t.She looked up at him in wonder.

“Nothing,” she said.“It’s like gravity doesn’t apply to me anymore.”

“Interesting,” he mused.“And if I let go?”

“Don’t,” she said quickly.

She sensed that it was their Force connection and the consequences of his touch that had caused this effect, and she didn’t relish the idea of plunging back down into the water.But, truth be told, that wasn’t her only motivation for suggesting he not relinquish his hold on her.Slowly, cautiously, she looked up into his eyes.

“I wasn’t sure you would want to see me again,” she confessed timidly.“After that last time…”

“I thought I didn’t,” he admitted.“But then…I…”

His voice tapered to silence and his hand lifted to her hair, smoothing a stray strand back from her forehead.Rey closed her eyes at his touch and softly finished his thought for him.

“Couldn’t get you out of my head,” she murmured, looking up at him to see him nodding subtly.

He pulled her closer, her body coming willingly through this strange connection they had.As her length pressed up against his, he carefully looped an arm around her back, only releasing her hand once she was secured there.Wrapping her own arms around his waist, she looked up at him expectantly.

“And then I realized,” he murmured softly, intimately, “I don’t want you out of my head.I like you being there.”

She stared up at him, moved but unable to keep the shadow of doubt from crossing her eyes.All of the difficulties and limitations they’d discussed last time were still in effect.Nothing had changed.So how was now any different from then?

“It’s nice,” she admitted gently, quickly deciding to accept this gift, no matter its source, “not arguing with you for once.”

“I agree.Maybe we could do this more often.”

She stared up at him intently, knowing arguing was probably safer than…whatever this was, precisely.But, somehow, she couldn’t be bothered by that just now.Maybe it was the sense of ease she’d found on this planet, maybe the comforting and novel sensation of being surrounded by water, but she just wanted to linger in blissful ignorance a bit longer.Surely the war would still be there when she found the courage to return to it, but this sense of tranquility most assuredly would not.And so, despite her deep misgivings, she allowed herself the opportunity to lose herself in his gaze.

“You have that look in your eye again,” she accused him gently.

“What look?”

“Like you want to kiss me.”

“I always want to kiss you.”

She laughed softly.“I know.”

“But I can never tell if you want me to.”

She cocked her head to the side, considering.“Sometimes.And sometimes not.”

“Now?”

“Hmm…I don’t know yet.It depends on how long you can keep being sweet.”

“Sweet?” he repeated, surprised and clearly annoyed.“I’m Kylo Ren.I’m not _sweet_.”

“Not normally, no,” she agreed, that irrepressible smile tugging at her mouth again.“I suspect I get to see a side of you that not many do.”

“ _No_ one else does,” he confirmed emphatically, pulling yet another smile from her.

“Why am I so special?”

“I ask myself that every day.”

Her heart fluttered and commenced a frantic thudding in her chest as she noticed the way he’d turned her words to an entirely different meaning.She stared into his eyes, feeling dazed by the realization that he thought of her as special, and his hand lifted to her face, his thumb diverting a drop of water as it trailed from her hair and down her cheek.

“I’ve been researching Force bonds,” he told her, his voice low and sensuous, his eyes taking in every nuance of her countenance.“It mostly happens between family members or masters and apprentices, but always those who have spent a lot of time together.And usually only vague impressions of emotions convey between them, not coherent thoughts or speech.Even then, Force bonds are rare.But this, what we have…Being able to hear, see, touch, _feel_ …and with so little exposure to one another…”He shook his head, bemused, his gaze filled with wonder as he stroked her cheekbone with his thumb, his fingers trailing into her wet hair.“Completely unknown.You, this… _us_ …It is special.”

Mesmerized equally by his voice and his words, Rey could only stare, recognizing the incredible tenderness in his demeanor as he held her and expressed his thoughts.

“And I know I don’t deserve it,” he whispered, suddenly exposing a profound vulnerability.

Deeply moved, Rey lifted her hand, for the first time daring to touch him of her own accord.Resting her trembling hand against his cheek, she watched as he closed his eyes and leaned his face into fuller contact with her palm.She wanted to tell him he wasn’t irredeemable, that he didn’t need to berate himself for his past deeds.But the words were trapped in a dry throat convulsing with poignant emotions she couldn’t process.All she knew was that, perhaps for the first time, she truly and unreservedly did want him to kiss her, and she communicated that silently by gently directing his face toward hers.His eyes snapped open as he registered the subtle pressure of her hand, his gaze searching hers doubtfully.Still hindered by an inability to speak, she nodded slightly and a shimmer of anxiety crossed his features as he swallowed convulsively.Nevertheless, his arms tightened around her as he pulled her closer against him, his head bowing down slowly, incrementally.Trapped in a haze of delirious anticipation, Rey felt her eyes slip shut, awaiting the contact she so irrationally craved.

“Rey!”

Startled violently by an unexpected voice, Rey shoved herself instinctively and guiltily out of Ben’s arms and immediately fell backward, splashing down into water she had completely forgotten about.The coolness of the pool closed over her head and she sensed the sudden fright of numerous water creatures who had thought the interloper to their aquatic sanctuary long departed.After what seemed an eternity but was surely only mere fractions of a second, Rey’s reason returned to her and she remembered to press against the water with the Force to bring her to the surface where she emerged, gasping.

“Rey!” two different voices called to her simultaneously, though she knew neither could hear the other.

She lifted a hand to both Ben and Rose, assuring each of them she was alright even as she struggled to regain her composure, shoving her wet hair out of her face impatiently.

“What happened?” Ben demanded anxiously as he knelt at her side, hovering at the surface of the water.

Meeting his gaze briefly but meaningfully, she deliberately swiped a hand over her own mouth and saw his understanding reflected in his eyes.Although she had long ago revealed the effects of this Force bond and Ben’s resulting visits to Chewie and Finn, it was entirely possible that, in the many months since then, others had learned about it.After all, she’d never asked them to keep it private.Though Chewie’s taciturn nature dictated that he’d probably be disinclined to share something like that with anyone, Finn’s exuberant nature dictated otherwise.And, given his close relationships with both Poe and Rose, surely they would be the first candidates for his confidence.But, even so, Rey felt distinctly embarrassed by the intimate moment Rose had nearly witnessed and, if she did know about the Force bond and therefore could deduce that it had been the leader of the New Empire that Rey had been about to kiss, that just made it all the worse.So, for the sake of her own sanity, Rey quickly decided to keep Ben’s presence to herself, hence the signal to him that she could not respond to his inquiry.

“You were flying!” Rose exclaimed in astonishment from the bank of the pool.

“I was just trying out a new skill,” Rey explained, adding for Ben’s benefit, “You startled me and I got distracted.”

“It was beautiful!” Rose commented, even as Ben burst into the most enigmatic and mischievous smile she’d ever seen on his face.

“Seducing me is a new skill?” he teased her, to which she promptly flushed bright red.

Seeking relief from the heat in her cheeks as well as escape from the scrutiny of both their gazes, Rey promptly plunged her face into the water, rubbing it vigorously beneath the surface.Sparing a hostile glance at Ben’s continued amusement as she emerged, Rey propelled herself swiftly to the bank and climbed out of the pool, gratefully accepting the towel Rose held out for her.

“We have breakfast ready,” she told her in her friendly manner.“Just wanted to let you know.”

“Alright,” Rey answered.“I’ll be right there.”

With a smile and a blissfully unaware wave, Rose headed off into the thick underbrush of the forest and was lost from sight.Rey sighed in relief, grateful that she could just deal with him now after that reminder of why she’d revealed the bond to Chewie and Finn in the first place…although his teasing smirk was really quite annoying.

“I _definitely_ don’t want you to kiss me anymore,” she snarled at him, careful to keep her voice low.

“That’s alright,” he answered nonchalantly.“That was completely worth it.”

Irritated by his continued amusement, she stuck her tongue out at him but was completely derailed when he suddenly straightened and his attention was drawn aside.

“What is it?” he demanded with a cold harshness that stood in stark contrast to the softer demeanor she’d grown accustomed to.

Recognizing immediately that he was responding to something or someone she couldn’t see or hear, she remained silent, watching him closely as he listened then responded with draconian efficiency.

“I’ll be right there.”

When his attention returned to her, his expression softened, but she could see an undertone of annoyance and regret in his eyes.

“I need to go.”

She nodded, suddenly curious just what necessitated the immediate attention of the emperor.“Big crisis to resolve?”

He shook he head, clearly suppressing a sigh.“No.Bureaucratic bullshit.My favorite,” he added with a heavy dose of sarcasm.

She smiled a little, accepting his deflection, but also feeling somewhat envious.She had removed herself from the Resistance and the war out of concern she might inadvertently disclose military secrets to the enemy, but also, if she were being honest, to avoid putting him in the position of having to choose between loyalty to her and to his empire.Truth be told, though, she missed it.She missed being privy to the details of the resistance effort and being able to help her friends any way she could.But, mostly, she missed Leia…

Sobered by the thought, she reached out and patted his hand, silently offering her blessing for him to leave, should he need it.But, instead, he caught her hand, drawing her gaze back to his.

“You miss it, don’t you?”

She nodded, knowing to deny it would be pointless.The man may not be able to automatically read her thoughts, exactly, but sensing her emotions was nearly as effective.But he clearly was uncertain how to respond to her admission, so she shook her head.

“I’m fine,” she assured him.“Go rule,” she added, not entirely successfully keeping the note of bitterness from her tone.

Noting his hesitation, she nodded again and offered as much of an encouraging smile as she could.He nodded and, rising to his full, imposing height, he reached aside, that mask she hated so much suddenly materializing in his hand.She quickly looked away before she could see him put it on.

“I’ll check in with you when I can.”

She nodded, focusing on the waterfall and attempting not to cringe at the awful effect that mask had on his voice.She could feel his disappointment and reluctance at leaving her this way.But, thankfully, at last, he did.Feeling the weight of his presence lift, Rey sighed, amazed at how quickly he could bring her emotions so low after having soared so high.Taking another moment to compose her emotions, she at last rose to her feet and picked her way carefully through the underbrush toward her friends, needing the distraction they offered now more than ever.


	5. ...Ruined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A forest excursion turns into…something else.

Rey had been thrilled when she’d received a message from Finn weeks ago, explaining he’d been granted two days’ leave and wanted to spend it with her.As she sat eating her first fresh breakfast of real food in what seemed forever, she smiled as she observed the comfortable and affectionate interaction Finn shared with Poe and Rose.As accustomed as she was to solitude, she’d forgotten how enjoyable it could be to surround herself with people she genuinely liked.She was grateful Finn had made this suggestion, not only for the opportunity to experience this paradise of a planet, but also to alleviate the loneliness that she hadn’t realized had accumulated in her psyche.Their company and camaraderie made it all the easier to ignore and move past her conversation with Kylo this morning at the pool.

It was the morning of their second day on Galea, and Rey knew that meant her friends would be leaving.Their two shuttles sat side by side in a clearing barely big enough for them, and the four of them had spent the night out under the stars.Poe had suggested this planet and this location specifically for its isolation and the likelihood they would encounter no other sentient beings during their stay.His advice had been well founded, though Rey couldn’t imagine why more people didn’t come here, as beautiful and serene as it was.Later on, when their sense of duty made it impossible to delay further, they would leave to rejoin the Resistance and their ongoing war, but Rey was thinking she might stay.Every planet had a port and every port needed mechanics, so why not on this paradise of a planet?Besides, she cherished the idea of being able to return to the pool she’d fallen in love with as soon as she’d seen it.And, maybe…someday…Ben could visit her here too..?

“Hey!”

Rey jerked and blinked at the intrusion of Finn’s voice, a link of the grilled meat rolling off her plate as a result.She smiled self-consciously at the chorus of good-natured laughter that arose in the wake of her reaction.

“Where are you?” Finn asked with a smile.“You didn’t hear a word I said!”

“I was thinking I might stay here after you go,” she told them, suddenly eager to see what they thought of the idea.“Well, not _here_ here, but on Galea.”

Finn frowned, but Poe brightened, clearly finding merit in the thought.

“Yeah, there’s a major spaceport called Floxton,” he explained.“It’s main industry is tourism.Very ritzy, lots of credits.You should find plenty of work there.And it’s strictly neutral.War isn’t good for the leisure business, you know.”

Rey nodded her appreciation for the information, but she was focused mostly on Finn, who in turn was avoiding her gaze now.

“I thought you’d come back with us,” he confessed at length.

“I can’t,” she sighed gently.

“Yeah, I just thought…hoped…So, nothing’s changed?”

When she’d decided to leave the Resistance, Finn had been devastated, even going so far as to refuse to allow her to leave.The only way she’d convinced him to even consider the wisdom in her thinking was if she promised to return once she had figured out how to control her connection to Kylo, either by shutting him down as soon as he showed up or by completely preventing his access to her.She stared down at the remainder of her breakfast, aware he’d expected her to spend all her time attempting to solve that particular puzzle while, instead, the main thing she’d learned is that she didn’t necessarily want to shut her supposed enemy out.

“Are you even _trying_?” Finn demanded in sudden exasperation, tossing his plate aside and standing up.

“Hey, cool it, buddy,” Poe interjected, coming to her defense.“Of course she is.”

Rey watched the two men as they argued, one attempting to calm the other, and felt such extreme sadness.What she felt with Kylo—Ben… _gods_ , she didn’t even know what to call him anymore—was so exhilarating and felt so natural that it was easy to forget most everyone she knew, and even those she didn’t, wouldn’t understand.She had no way of making Finn see that to deny Ben would be like denying a part of herself.She hated that truth, knew it wasn’t ideal, but she’d slowly begun to accept it.Only now, seeing her closest friend reacting to even the _idea_ that she might not be wholeheartedly embracing the need to reject the Force bond, did she realize how resolutely that fact would split her life.

Realizing she was decidedly not hungry anymore, Rey set aside her unfinished breakfast, her attention falling upon Rose, who sat quietly contemplating her.Anxious under her pensive gaze, Rey attempted to play it cool, pretending she hadn’t noticed Rose’s scrutiny.In truth, though, she couldn’t help but wonder exactly what she had witnessed at the pool and what she’d made of it.At the time, Rey had felt reasonably sure Rose had accepted her explanation and thought nothing further of it, but the contemplative hue of her expression now left her feeling decidedly less certain.Deliberately not paying attention to the men’s argument while avoiding eye contact with Rose, however, left Rey with little to do.So she sighed deeply and folded her hands tight in her lap.

“Hey,” Rose finally spoke up, coming to stand between Finn and Poe and drawing everyone’s attention.“Let’s not do this, okay?We get so little leave and so little time to see Rey, can we just not argue?”

Finn’s hard glare shifted for a moment between Rose, Poe, and Rey, then he visibly released his frustration.“Yeah, you’re right.”

He sat down at their makeshift campsite once again and Poe and Rose followed suit.The silence was still awkward, though, and Rey noticed that while Poe and Rose both offered her encouraging smiles, Finn still avoided her gaze.

“Let’s explore the forest,” Rey offered suddenly, to which Finn replied sullenly, “It’s just trees.”

“Trees are still such a novelty for me,” she responded, forgetting in her enthusiasm to feel hurt by his attitude.

“Yes,” Poe responded authoritatively, as if the matter had been decided.“Let’s explore the forest.”

Rose and Rey both stood with a smile, and even Finn followed suit a moment later with a grumbled “Alright…”After cleaning up the remainder of their meal and thoroughly dousing the cooking fire, they set off, simply picking a random direction.

It soon became clear that Rey was the straggler of the group, frequently stopping to touch massive trees or lush plants, feeling the life teeming within, on, or among them.There was so much here, so much more variety than the arid climate of Jakku had offered, and it all filled her with delight.She knew she could spend a lifetime just discovering all the various species that called this place home.

Having quickly become accustomed to her habit of stopping at seemingly random intervals, Finn and Rose had forged ahead, talking and running and laughing amid the trees with carefree abandon.Poe, hovering somewhere between them and Rey, soon took on the aspect of a wary parent, keeping his distracted charges in sight.

Rey smiled at them all, observing them from her position at the rear.She didn’t know Rose or Poe nearly as well as she knew Finn, but she could tell the deep sense of dedication they all held toward each other.Though it hadn’t progressed far, she sensed a distinct note of attraction between Finn and Rose, and, while she would never divulge such information so soon, she highly approved of it.Even stronger, though, was the bond of brotherly camaraderie between Finn and Poe, but Poe had changed considerably since she’d last seen him.

With their numbers depleted so severely, Poe had risen quickly in the ranks following General Organa’s death, and Rey could sense the responsibility weighing on his shoulders, maturing him far more quickly than he’d expected.At times, she caught a hint of something from him, a half-formed idea of whether or not he might be interested in pursuing a relationship with her.But, to Rey’s great relief, he was far more concerned with conducting his war than wondering if he wanted to pursue something with any woman, much less someone who shared an unknown and decidedly suspicious bond with the leader of his enemy.While she appreciated the easy escape his hesitation offered, she was also sobered by the reminder of how all three of them viewed Ben.She may not understand either him or herself, but she knew enough to understand that the divide between good and evil was not nearly as clear as Poe and Finn perceived it to be.

Realizing how far ahead the others had gotten, Rey had just broken into an easy jog to catch up with them when something far to her right caught her attention.Pulled to an abrupt stop, she gazed out intently into the sea of trees toward a large rock formation in the distance.Squinting her eyes in confusion and effort as she thrust her Force awareness in that direction, she didn’t initially notice when Poe came to stand alongside her, following her gaze into the distance and perceiving even less there than she did.

“Is it him?”

Rey blinked, gave herself a shake, and glanced at Poe with a self-deprecating smirk, only distantly noting this evidence that Finn had indeed told him about her Force bond.

“No, it’s not Kylo.It’s…something else.”

By now, Finn and Rose had noticed her peculiar behavior and had arrived at Rey’s side where she stood gazing with solitary focus off toward the rock.She could feel Finn’s unexpressed question, promptly answered by Poe’s equally silent answer that this was not a visit from the emperor, but that exchange was entirely peripheral to what had drawn her attention.She didn’t know what it was, didn’t even know how to describe what it felt like, but she knew it was imperative she investigate.But the moment she turned one foot in that direction, she found Finn gripping her arm.

“What’re you doing?”

Rey blinked at him, having somehow missed the fact that he was there even though she’d known he was.She shook her head again, trying to clear it, but the pull was so strong…

“There’s something there,” she explained.“I need to see what it is.”

“What kind of something?”

She shook her head again.“I don’t know.”

“A good something?” Poe ventured.“Or a bad something?”

She grit her teeth at the question, irritated anew at his tendency to view the galaxy in such absolutes.But she shoved the thought aside, knowing what he meant was whether or not what she sensed posed a danger.

“I don’t know,” she answered.“There’s something not right.I feel…cold…But it’s shifting.Constantly.One moment, it’s as if someone is desperate for help, but then it feels like an intent to harm…And so much more I…I can’t explain.”

“Maybe we should just head back,” Rose suggested timidly.

“No,” Rey objected immediately.“No, I need to see what this is.I need to touch it…”

“Maybe that’s not such a good idea,” Poe muttered ominously.

“You can go back,” Rey told the three of them, but her voice was vague, uninterested in what they chose to do.

Her focus, her entire being was centered on the rock, and she would not be held back from whatever it was that called to her.She turned resolutely to the right and took two steps forward when she felt a hand grip her arm.Unwilling to accept any further delay, Rey responded swiftly, shoving at Finn through the Force and sending him sliding away through the dense underbrush.Part of her was shocked and alarmed by what she’d done, but it was a small, distant voice that seemed mostly irrelevant at the moment.

Ignoring the protests rising around her, Rey strode firmly and confidently toward the rock, weaving deftly between the intervening trees, occasionally blasting fallen logs or dense thickets out of her path with the Force.As she progressed, her awareness of the two figures dogging her steps diminished, their urgent voices rendered into gibberish in the wake of her Dark purpose.A third shape and voice joined the other two, but Rey couldn’t be bothered with identifying him, much less paying any heed to his senseless words, despite their evident strenuous insistence.

But then, just as she reached the giant rock that towered above her head, a new shape materialized.Something about this one was different: there, and yet not there.An instinct informed her the other three could not perceive this one, but she brushed the realization aside as utterly pointless.When he reached out to seize her arm, though, she spun as she had before, pushing out with an instinct to drive this obstruction to her goal far from her, but what had proven so effective on the other figure had no effect whatsoever on this one.

Startled, she looked up at the newcomer.Tall, pale, and imposing with a vicious scar marring the right side of his face, he spoke to her in words she could not decipher.A deeply buried instinct warned her to heed his words, but the greater portion of her consciousness only regarded him as a hindrance.And she couldn’t understand what he said anyway.Closing the body’s eyes, the invading consciousness delved inside the unfamiliar mind, locating a thread that seemed to match this scarred entity.With a vicious tug, the thread snapped, and she opened the eyes to find the mysterious impediment to her progress vanished.

Searching about, she finally found what she sought.It was a disc about a hand width in diameter, black and matte in finish, entirely unremarkable in appearance.It called to her, compelled her to kneel beside it, mercilessly shrugging off the three figures who continued with ever increasing vigor to thwart her efforts.She didn’t know what she expected to achieve by touching this object, nor what good or harm might come of it.She only knew she must touch it, could not be stopped from touching it, even when the nagging attempt at connection that had been cloying insistently at the back of this strange body’s mind broke through and the scarred man appeared yet again.

“Rey, no!” he shouted forcefully.

Startled, the consciousness turned her face toward him, the eyes momentarily registering a fear that lurked deep in this body’s mind.But the consciousness would not be inhibited and it reached the woman’s hand out toward the disc even as her eyes begged him to stop her…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I thrive off your comments, so please let me know if you're enjoying this, if you think it sucks, or you don't really care one way or the other. All comments are welcome!!!


	6. Help from the Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren to the rescue!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally unrelated, but I just found out I've been accepted to my first professional conference! (I'm a PhD student in Music.) I'm so excited and can't think straight, so I decided to celebrate by releasing a chapter early. Enjoy!!!

Kylo stared in horror as Rey’s body clearly disregarded her mind’s command.He knew exactly what the strange disc was, knew the compulsion it drove deep within her, and knew the consequences to her safety should she succumb to its power.He cursed himself violently, knowing he should have warned her of this possibility.But the meager quantity of these discs in relation to the vastness of the galaxy was so inconsequential that he hadn’t deemed it significant enough of a threat.Of course, that was being generous.In all actuality, he simply hadn’t recalled their existence until he’d felt that horrible Darkness infecting Rey’s mind, usually so bright with the Light Side of the Force.Now, as she touched the disc, he felt the last shred of that beautiful Light extinguish and watched Rey’s body stiffen and shudder uncontrollably at his feet.

Bending to her in haste, he placed his hands on her, one at her forehead and one at her chest.Despite the violent trembling of her body, he closed his eyes and attempted to free her from the grip of the disc’s Dark sorcery.As he’d known would happen, though, his efforts failed, his inability to access the Force through this bond thwarting him.But he also knew the consequences if he didn’t try.

Abandoning his efforts to affect her directly, he turned inward, concentrating on his access to the Force to give him the information he required.Rey was still on Galea, which wasn’t all that distant.But Cerisse was much closer and had already heard the call of her disc.Careful not to invade her consciousness enough to alert her to his presence, he felt the Knight’s high excitement as she recognized the incredible strength of the Force-sensitive her disc had caught.Withdrawing swiftly, Kylo knew with absolute certainty he could not possibly reach Rey before Cerisse, and he knew exactly what the young Jedi’s fate would be when his Knight found her, helpless and catatonic.

Looking about in growing anxiety, Kylo tried to think of anything else he could do.He could contact Cerisse and command her to his side with all haste, but he knew with utmost certainty that, while she might accede to his instructions, his underling would also carry out what she perceived to be her primary function first.She would deem his summons inferior to her mandate to eliminate all Force-sensitives from the galaxy and therefore make a quick stop on Galea to murder Rey before reporting to him.He could make stipulations that she come immediately, but he also knew the more insistently he phrased his command, the more suspicious she would become.And, he also knew, he couldn’t afford that extra scrutiny now.No, he needed another solution.

But there wasn’t one.

Feeling helplessness and frustration overcoming him, Kylo looked down at Rey, whose form had become silent and still as death.If he didn’t know better, he’d believe she was dead.Anyone who was with her would surely…

Struck suddenly by an idea, he hurriedly renewed his grip on her body at mind and heart, bowing low over her inert form.His eyes closed as he pushed his consciousness further along the path of their bond than he’d ever dared before.He had no idea if this could possibly work, but he felt the desperation deep in his heart and knew it had to.It just _had_ to.The alternative…was unbearable.Pressing his mind more and more insistently into hers, he felt beads of sweat break out on his brow as he grit his teeth and grunted in exertion.And, a hair’s breadth from the limits of his endurance, he heard a startled gasp and a violent curse.

Snapping his eyes open, he found himself in a dense forest alongside a prominent rock formation.Rey lay still beneath his hands, a woman Kylo didn’t recognize knelt alongside her opposite him, staring at him in blatant astonishment, and two men stood behind her, both looking ready to take his head off.Unlike the woman, he knew both these men: a Resistance fighter pilot he’d once interrogated long ago, and the traitor who’d helped him escape.

“FN-2187,” Kylo said up to the former stormtrooper, “you have to listen to me carefully.”

“The hell I do,” the hothead grumbled as he pulled out a blaster and shot Kylo through the head.

“I am not there!” he shouted angrily, having no time for such antics when Rey’s life hung in the balance.“You cannot harm me.But your failure to listen will harm Rey.Tell me you understand.Now!”

FN-2187 was so furious that he could only stand there, snarling and spitting venom at him through his gaze.To his surprise — though perhaps it shouldn’t have been — it was the woman Kylo didn’t know who replied.

“I understand,” she told Kylo, her impatient tone implying, _even if the idiots behind me don’t_.

Nodding succinctly, he addressed her directly.“Rey is trapped in a Force-induced trance.I can lift it, but I cannot do it from where I am.I must be there with her, physically.”

“Then get your ass here,” the pilot demanded impatiently, eliciting a violent reaction from the traitor.“We’re on Galea.”

“I know where you are,” Kylo gritted out through his teeth in annoyance.“You have to get her away from there.She cannot stay there and I cannot get there soon enough.”

“Why?Why the urgency?”

“Because the hunter who set the trap is already on the way there to eliminate her,” Kylo raged, all too aware these senseless questions were wasting time Rey did not have.

“So stop him!”

Kylo braced himself to lay into the idiocy of his former trooper but quickly shed his anger instead.Gazing down at Rey, he felt the despair pulling at him, recognizing that, after everything they’d endured and all they had yet to figure out, he could very well lose her.Even now, he could feel the infinitesimal slowing of her heart rate, a secondary precaution should Cerisse or another Knight be unable to claim the prey caught in the trap.He couldn’t let it happen, even if it meant working with these two imbeciles who probably hated him most in all the galaxy.Quickly deducing the surest path toward their compliance, Kylo swallowed his pride and looked up, intentionally allowing his fear to be made plain in his gaze.

“Finn,” he said brokenly, using the name he knew the former trooper had claimed for himself, “please.Help me save her.”

The two men stared in silence, utterly astonished.As the silence lengthened, Kylo looked away, distinctly uncomfortable with his own vulnerability.Gazing down at Rey, he stroked her hair back from her face and silently begged her friends to choose their love for her over their hatred of him.

“What do you need us to do?”

Kylo looked up at the woman, who nodded her assurance that she understood the sincerity of his request.Suppressing a sigh of relief, he launched into his instructions.

“You must get her off Galea immediately.You have no time to spare.”

She nodded again.“Then what?”

“Tell me where to meet you so I can revive her.”

“What?” FN-2187 shouted.“No!We’ll move her, but we’re not inviting you in to wipe us all out!”

“I don’t care about you!” Kylo raged furiously, almost breaking contact with Rey and, consequently, them in his desperate wrath.“I care about her!I know where she is at all times, I have for more than a standard year.I can chase you, pursue you as you move her from planet to planet all over the galaxy, but that won’t save her.The longer she remains in this trance, the more she fades, little by little, until she’s gone.The only way to save her is to revive her and, last I checked, the Resistance doesn’t have any other Force users on hand, let alone one strong enough to do this.”

“Then surrender to us.”

“What?” Kylo demanded violently of the pilot.

“Surrender to us,” he repeated, his gaze hard and unrelenting.“When you meet us, you surrender to us.Once she’s revived, Rey decides what happens to you.But if she dies, then you do too.”

Kylo stared, his face a rigid mask of intensity.He knew immediately that there was no way the Resistance could hold him.That, even if he were to surrender himself voluntarily, he could also simply walk away with his power over the Force to both facilitate his escape and protect him.But he also knew that if Rey died, he would happily allow them to end his torment and misery of living without her.And so, it was with unqualified honesty that he agreed to the pilot’s terms.

“Yes,” he intoned firmly.“I agree.Provided I surrender to only the three of you.”

The pilot nodded.“Agreed.”

“Where?”

“Crait.”

Kylo suppressed a curse.It made perfect sense.After all, he knew no one on either side of the war had dared return to the site of the fabled confrontation between the last Jedi and the last Sith, even though he himself knew the legend to be a sham.As far as he was aware, that abandoned Resistance base was still well and truly abandoned, the gaping hole in the shield door having rendered it useful for not much at all.Still, he hated to return there, hated the memories the place contained, the failure it symbolized for him on so many levels.

Alerted by a faint trace he had left in place whilst in Cerisse’s consciousness, feeling his Knight’s keen sense of anticipation and glee as she emerged from hyperspace over the verdant planet of Galea, Kylo looked up sharply.Turning in renewed urgency to the pilot, he nodded.

“Crait,” he agreed.“But you must get moving _now_.The hunter has arrived.Once you’re airborne, search for a small craft identified as an independent trader, marker 2906-TKD, and avoid it at all costs.”

“2906-TKD.Got it.”

“Go,” Kylo instructed imperiously with one final glance at Rey.“Now!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...? Whatcha think? :D


	7. Trapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo confronts Rey’s fears.

Knowing he had no time to spare and yet deeply reluctant to do so, Kylo released his hold on Rey, falling back with the sudden shift in the Force to land on his backside in his own quarters, rather than amid the fern fronds of Galea.He allowed himself a brief moment to vent the despair he felt at the prospect of losing Rey, then climbed to his feet.Slapping his helmet onto his head, grateful as never before for the obscurity it lent his damnably expressive countenance, he strode firmly and confidently from his chambers.

“Ready my shuttle immediately,” he instructed the trooper stationed at all times outside his quarters, his long legs already directing him toward the hangar as his orders were relayed along the appropriate routes.

When he arrived, the fueling hoses were only just being released, and Kylo strode up the open ramp.Closing it immediately behind him, he took a moment to perform the most uncustomary step of checking the craft to ensure his solitude.Settling into the cockpit, he punched the comms to reach General Hux.

“What is it, Ren?”

Kylo grit his teeth in annoyance.He’d never liked the man and his refusal to address him by the honorific due his position as Emperor consistently irked him.Not for the first time, he wondered why he didn’t merely replace him and reminded himself of what a colossal mistake that would be, unless he wanted to alert the fledgling Empire to the fact that its Emperor’s intentions were perhaps not what everyone expected them to be.

“I am departing,” Kylo informed him succinctly.

He could hear the general’s slow mind turning this information over, debating whether or not to ask after his plans or timeline or rationale or whatever else he may be curious about.Whether through a sense of long-won deference to his Imperial position or merely exhaustion from the mid-sleep-cycle interruption, Kylo neither knew nor cared, but Hux chose not to pursue any further details.

“Safe travels.”

Without another word, Kylo slapped the comms off and turned his focus to the deck officer who still held aloft the two crossed markers that indicated his shuttle was not yet cleared for departure.Gritting his teeth, he ventured out through the Force into the man’s mind, attempting to determine what the hold up could be, and was instantly grateful he did.Having learned of the issue, Kylo shifted his attention to the technician fumbling with the emergency transponder at the back of the craft, implanting the sudden conviction that the calibration issue she’d been struggling to resolve had suddenly righted itself, even though it hadn’t.He felt her slap shut the cover on the transponder compartment with a deep sense of satisfaction at her cleverness, and a moment later saw the deck officer give him the signal he awaited.

Once he was clear of the command ship, Kylo set the coordinates into the nav system along with an extra command to prevent the computer from reporting this or any further flight plans to the central Imperial database, in violation of standard operating procedure.As soon as the hyperdrive was engaged, he leaned back in his seat and removed his helmet, tossing it aside impatiently.Closing his eyes, he reached out carefully first to Cerisse, finding her in a full rage at her inability to locate the rat caught in her trap.Satisfied, he then searched for Rey.To his horror, he found her thread in his mind weak and frayed, promptly snapping under the pressure of his attempt to follow it.She was fading so much faster than he’d anticipated.He knew exactly how to bring a mind out of the prison of Cerisse’s trap, but he’d never actually done it himself, having never found the need.Furthermore, he knew that the deterioration it caused to the victim’s mind could prove permanent, should the extraction be delayed overly long.By the standards he was familiar with, Rey should have had at least one standard solar day.But the level of deterioration he already sensed belied that, and he was concerned he might be too late.And, if that damned traitor and his pilot thought to pull one over on him and not show up on Crait, he knew there was no hope for her.

Unable to confine himself to the pilot’s seat for long, Kylo took to pacing the tight constraints of the cockpit as she ship made its way at top speed toward Crait.With shaking and impatient hands, he tore the cloak from his shoulders, annoyed by the excess weight and knowing the task ahead would be inhibited by the unnecessary layers.Wadding the impossibly heavy and thick fabric of his cloak, belt, and overtunic into a haphazard bundle, he shoved it unceremoniously into a confined nook, kicking his helmet out of the way there as well.Having nothing further to occupy himself, both his feet and his mind tread over the same ground, incessantly, repeatedly, fruitlessly, until at last a blinking light alerted him to his arrival at Crait.Only as he guided the craft into the lower atmosphere did Kylo realize he and the pilot had never established the abandoned base as the actual rendezvous point on Crait.With a violent inward curse for his lack of thoroughness and a equally fervent prayer than his assumption hadn’t been faulty, Kylo set the craft down as close to the cliff wall as he dared.

Although the land scorched to the color of dark blood had long ago been obscured by the salt layer produced by the oxidization of the planet’s mineral, the hole torn in the bunker shield yet remained as testament to the events that had taken place here.It was colder than he expected, and the sharp air bit at his neck and hands, but he was more concerned with his study of the ground.The uniformity of the white salt indicated that he was the first to arrive here in at least the last standard week, and Kylo’s heart sank in equal time to his rising fury.Nevertheless, he hurriedly exited the craft and made his way toward the ruined shield door, his consciousness reaching out to find Rey.Having sensed some faint hint, he abandoned all pretense at composure and ran for the broken seam.

As he neared the dimness of the bunker, he belatedly thought to search for other presences, half expecting to sense a full squadron, rather than only the three the pilot had agreed to.Passing at last into the interior, he immediately reached out with the Force and caught both of the armed men on either side of him.Sparing a viciously irritated glance for both the pilot and the traitor, he quickly flung their weapons well away and promptly released them.

“Where is she?” he roared, having no patience for their ridiculous caution.

“Here!”

Kylo looked up, finding the woman beckoning to him from the very control room in which he’d seen Rey in their first Force connection after Snoke’s death.Pushing the errant thought from his mind, he raced toward her, at last sensing the weak trace of Rey’s presence as he advanced.Skidding to a halt within the room, he found her lying silent and still amidst a bundle of blankets.For an instant, he hesitated, momentarily overwhelmed by the knowledge he occupied the same space as she, an advantage he’d not had since she had broken his heart and stolen his grandfather’s shattered lightsaber.

Kneeling carefully beside her, he was alarmed and dismayed by what he saw.Her skin was deathly pale, so uncharacteristic in comparison to the deep glow she had retained after so much of her life on Jakku.Her closed eyes were sunken and purpled, as though bruised, and her lips were cracked, her cheeks hollow.Though he had been prepared for this, Kylo felt his heart tear and his rage spike at what appeared to be her dead body.Reaching out with hands he couldn’t quite steady, he touched her face, his fingers jerking back in fear and shock as his first instinct told him she was indeed beyond his reach.Refusing to accept that, he tried again, his fingers tangling slightly in her hair as he brought his palm into full contact with her prominent cheekbone.He closed his eyes, searching deep inside her, ignoring the Dark persona that had taken hold of her consciousness and attempted to block his access to Rey’s essence, but it was stronger than he’d anticipated.Gritting his teeth and framing her face in both his hands, he pushed the interloper aside fiercely, knowing it didn’t belong there and forcing it out of the space it occupied.And there, faint but distinct, he found her.

“She’s still alive,” he sighed in relief.

Moving with quick assuredness, he hauled her up against him and started frantically removing the tangle of blankets from around her.When he felt the rising protest of one of the men behind him, he thwarted his objection, not knowing or caring which of them had been about to speak.

“I need her out of these blankets, fast.”

The woman immediately leapt to his aid, pulling at the edges of their well-intentioned but ultimately useless attempts to keep her warm.After a moment, the men joined in, and blanket after blanket was pulled away from her until at last it was only her and her clothing.Briefly, Kylo considered demanding that be removed too, knowing it could make a difference.But he quickly determined he would try it this way first, knowing the men wouldn’t understand or approve of his methods.If it became clear he needed the extra level of contact, however, he would tear off her clothes as well as his, and place anyone who dared object into a Force sleep without a moment’s hesitation.

Kylo sat back, pulling Rey into his arms, settling her into his lap and cradling her against his chest.He held her close, pressing his cheek against her neck as one hand both supported her head and gave him as much access as possible to her mind.Unconsciously rocking back and forth in his efforts, he reached once more into her mind, shoving the Dark persona fiercely aside, dislodging it from a space it had no right to occupy.He found Rey’s consciousness more quickly this time, but the unexpected ease made his approach too aggressive, and he felt her pull away from him.With a grunt of frustration, he forced himself to slow down and try again.

_Rey_ …

He felt more than heard her denial.

_Rey, come back to where you belong._

He sensed her fear, a deep and irrational conviction having gripped her consciousness that she had no right to occupy her own body.Pulling back a little, Kylo belatedly realized that he would have to eradicate the Dark persona first.He’d hoped he could bypass that step, that she’d be strong enough to evict it herself once he’d shown her how, but he hadn’t realized that her phenomenal strength in the Force would cause the persona to do its work so much more efficiently.He knew now that was, paradoxically, why her condition had deteriorated so fast, because she was that strong in the Force.

And so Kylo turned to confront it.Almost immediately, he sensed how much of herself Cerisse had injected into this entity.Of all his Knights, Cerisse had taken most quickly and thoroughly to the Dark Side.Her relative weakness in the Force had perhaps made her all the more susceptible to Snoke’s manipulations and promises of power.And when she had dipped her toe into the open pool that was the Dark Side and found it so ready and willing to accept her, she had leaped in unreservedly.After years of immersion, she was a vicious, cunning, and ruthless weapon of the Dark Side.While he’d always recognized and struggled with his own inner pull toward the Light, Cerisse had never done so in the least.Of them all, she was the only one who could likely live up to the old standards required for a true member of the Sith.

Kylo knew, however, that the apparent affinity between Cerisse and the Dark persona inside Rey’s mind was an illusion.The trap exuded enough conflicting signals to lure any individual sensitive to the Force, whether Dark or Light.Once touched, though, the disc injected this persona directly into the victim’s consciousness, convincing the captive mind that it must relinquish control of the body and offering it no alternative.The violent shaking he’d witnessed Rey enduring at that moment of infestation had been the result of her struggle against that inevitability, but he knew both from the disc’s design and having felt how thoroughly the persona had already infected her that she couldn’t resist its strength.It was insidious and ironic, the power this illusion could sustain over her, despite that Cerisse herself surely couldn’t manage such a feat were she face-to-face with Rey.

Grunting with effort, Kylo fought and wrestled with the persona, attempting to oust it from Rey’s mind.But it was rooted deep, held fast by Rey’s own latent fears deep in her subconscious.Changing his tactics again, Kylo followed those roots, searching for the source of the fears that held the persona in place and attempted to use it as a shield.The first he found readily enough: a fear that the persona’s strength was directly attributable to her own Dark Side tendencies.She had such tendencies, of course.She knew she did.Kylo himself had glimpsed them on more than one occasion.And always with her was the fear that they would overtake her, drive her to commit unspeakable acts without remorse.Although he knew she certainly had never succumbed to any temptation toward that end, she somehow interpreted the ease with which the persona had taken control as evidence of her potential to be Dark like it.In fact, in Rey’s subconscious mind, she saw no distinction between her own potential self and the persona.In her fears, they were one and the same.

Focusing upon Rey’s fear of her latent Darkness, Kylo projected into her his experience of her Light, her compassion and kindness and love.Sensing a modicum of uncertainty, he pressed further, exposing his own impression of her essence, pulling that tiny, scared mote of Rey’s true essence inside his own mind, showing her the blindingly brilliant Light he perceived in her every time he dared to look.He unreservedly exposed his awe and affection for the astonishing goodness that was the woman for whom he had fallen so hard and so completely.He showed her the effect she had on him, exposing the fault in his choices and guiding him to new options.He revealed to her his secret efforts to not only cripple the Resistance without utterly decimating it, but also to restrict and limit both the scope and the methods of the New Empire, all in an effort to guide his fledgling government toward moderation and away from outright violence.

“Nothing without you,” he murmured to her, referring to both his efforts themselves and their anticipated benefits.

Kylo felt her conviction weaken, the root of her subconscious fear regarding her own capacity for Darkness weakening but not yet ready to relinquish Cerisse’s persona.Instead, he sensed the interconnectedness of the second root to this one.Following Rey’s vague guidance in that direction, he searched for the deep-seated fear that caused her subconscious to shield itself behind Cerisse, but found it infinitely more protected.He felt the shame that surrounded it, the sense of weakness that exuded from it, but he couldn’t reach the cause of that psychological self-flagellation.

“Why?” he whispered despondently, his heart breaking to feel how little she regarded herself.

Finding himself blocked completely from the source of her shame, Kylo resorted to the only ammunition at his disposal.Backing away from her fervently guarded secret, he instead pulled her consciousness once more into his, showing her the depth of his emotions for her.Already, he’d shown her his attraction to her Light, but now, for the first time, he allowed her to sense the full extent of it.And, as he let her in despite his own fears in this regard, he allowed himself to put forth the solitary word that meant everything, the one he’d so carefully stored away from both her and his own psyche: love.

He loved her.He had for an eternity.It was his acceptance of that emotion, if not the word itself, that had lent him full control over their bond.It was because he knew what he felt and felt what he was willing to do for that emotion’s sake that gave him access to her general mood, if not her specific thoughts, at all times, and to initiate and close contact with her at will.And it was her inability to do these things that informed him how actively she still suppressed what she felt for him.For, even though she didn’t, he knew she loved him.Somewhere deep in her subconscious, somewhere she could neither see nor even imagine, her love for him was already formed.It was why the bond existed.He knew that with a certainty that belied words.And it had been his constant source of aggravation and frustration that he knew neither how to help her realize this simple truth nor that she ever would.

And, suddenly, he knew what her second fear rooting the Dark persona in place was: that she _could_ love him. _Him_.The enemy who had already broken her heart once by suggesting they could rule the galaxy together.The man who’d already violated her mind, subjected her to torture at Snoke’s hands, and attempted to kill her and her friends.The son who’d murdered his father, a man who could have been like the father she’d never known.The apprentice who’d driven his former master to sacrifice himself merely to give others the opportunity to escape his murderous grasp.And yet _he_ , who constantly brought her to imagine giving up everything she’d learned and acquired for herself since leaving Jakku simply by gazing deeply into her eyes.He, whose visits and presence she longed for, even as she complained bitterly when he saw fit to initiate their connection.He, whose abandonment, loneliness, and pain she could understand all too well since she had experienced it all too.He, who was so much more like her than anyone could guess.

“I feel it too,” he breathed into her ear, holding her close to his mind and heart, oblivious to the tear that fell from his closed eye.

_I am frightened every day that I can’t be enough for you_ , he confided within her subconscious, _that you will discover my inadequacy and forever shut me out from your heart and your mind._

_How could I?_ her subconsciousness wailed. _If I am destined to love you, how do I have a choice?_

_You have a choice, because I grant it to you_.

Kylo felt her confusion.

_I have loved you for so long, and yet you don’t know it.Not consciously, anyway.Because I have never forced my emotions upon you.I have pushed the boundaries, attempting to see how far you are willing to go.But I have never and I will never push you beyond that._

He sensed her reflecting upon the truth of his words.

_If we are ever to unite, it will be at your choice.Your insistence, even.In the meantime, I will content myself with watching and protecting you from afar, intervening if and when necessary, but otherwise staying away._

_Such as when you pop in on me and force me to be angry with you?_

Kylo couldn’t help but smile at her defiance. _You must allow me_ some _entertainment, sweetheart.Besides, I adore your fire, even when it’s directed at me in anger.Everything you do, even when you strike me, only makes me love you more._

Her subconscious didn’t respond, but Kylo was vaguely aware of her hand rising to rest on his arm as he continued to hold her otherwise limp body close.

_Fight this trap with me, Rey_ , he pleaded with her desperately. _This consciousness is not yours and it doesn’t belong here.It can’t win unless you let it._

_I’m afraid, Ben._

Kylo choked on her use of his given name.As much as he hated what it represented, he only now realized how much it meant to him that she ever used it, that she could still perceive in _him_ —the scourge of the galaxy and self-declared ruler of the evil galactic Empire—an innocent boy who wanted nothing more than to be loved for who he was.

_I am too, my love_. _I don’t know where this bond between us can go.I don’t know if it’s even possible for us to be together or to refrain from driving each other crazy.But I cherish this bond we have, Rey.This connection I have with you is the sole pure thing in my life.And everything I strive for is in service to it, to you._

He paused, anxiously waiting, but he still felt her reluctance to be swayed by his sentiments.

_You can deny me, Rey.You can reject me and decide I’m irredeemable and give up on me.All of that is well within your rights and I deserve nothing less.But I won’t allow you to give up on yourself.I will fight that with everything I am, even if it kills me.That is what you’re worth to me._

After a suspended moment, Kylo sensed a slight wavering at the root of Rey’s fears.Leaping at the wisp of a chance, he lunged forward and ruthlessly tore at Cerisse’s persona, ripping it from its twin moorings in Rey’s subconscious.A wild cry rose up within their joined minds, and Kylo felt Rey cringe and shrink, her instinct to shield herself once again.But Kylo knew this was the persona’s last ditch effort to retain control of the space it had usurped in Rey’s mind, and he reassured her with his words and emotions that this Dark creature could not harm her.Striving to augment her strength and conviction with his own, Kylo placed his mind between hers and the persona, shielding her from its ability to prey upon her insecurities.Pushing and shoving, he fought the persona, striking out and knocking away its repeated efforts to reach past him to Rey.Trembling with his efforts, Kylo was vaguely aware of his voice rising in a wordless cry, his physical form lending his mental efforts strength as he strove for one final thrust.And, suddenly, with an abrupt release that seemed not a moment too soon and yet somehow so abrupt, the persona lost all traction and released Rey, dissolving into nothingness.

His body spent from his efforts, Kylo collapsed to his side, Rey’s limp form yet cradled in his arms.He breathed deeply and heavily, desperately attempting to recover his strength.He sensed Rey’s friends hovering over him, not knowing just what either of them had been through, what it cost them, whether it worked, or what to do about it now.The woman whose name he still didn’t know tentatively poked his shoulder, and he moaned, rocking his head just enough to let her know he wasn’t dead.Then, he suddenly sensed the traitor stormtrooper’s swelling panic for Rey.Alarmed, he found the strength to open his eyes and look at her.Much to his worry, she didn’t look in the least bit improved.In fact, her complexion had taken on a dingy gray cast.If anything, she looked even more deathly than she had when he’d arrived.

Groaning with the effort required of his already drained strength, he moved his forehead into contact with Rey’s and closed his eyes, once more delving into her consciousness…which he found decidedly empty.A deep fear took hold of him, having experienced such absence of consciousness before in others, and knowing it meant death.Stifling his worst-case thinking, he reached deeper, aiming for the subconscious in which she’d conversed with him.There, he found her, but so weakened now that the formation of words was beyond her.By any medical measure, she was dead, her body lacking both breath and pulse.And there wasn’t much left in her essence either.

“No,” he muttered inconsolably, “no, no, no, no…”

He knew his mistake.He’d been so focused on forcing the persona out, that he hadn’t paid enough attention to what was happening behind him as he pushed.Cerisse’s tentacles had been longer than he’d anticipated, and she’d latched onto segments of Rey’s essence, tearing them out even as Kylo pushed harder and harder.The persona had been relentless and merciless, its primary objective being to destroy any Force-sensitives that happened to come across it.And when at last he’d evicted it from Rey’s consciousness, it had taken a good portion of her essence along with it.

Howling with rage, he pressed once more into her subconscious, desperately finding his way to whatever modicum of life remained there.When it stubbornly refused to budge under the pressure of his increasingly insistent tugs and pulls, Kylo knew no amount of exertion could bring her back from where she’d slipped to.So he quickly took to the only alternative left to him: himself.

Reaching deep inside, he gathered great handfuls of his own waning vitality and gave them to her.Pressing it into her subconscious, he felt her absorb it eagerly, like a starving child.Giving her more and more, he eventually felt her take over the process, feeding and directing his life-giving Force into the remote regions of her psyche that needed it most.By the time her conscious mind became aware of what was happening and abruptly refused to take more from him, her physical form had revitalized, her breathing steady and her heartbeat strong.

Kylo, on the other hand, had simply been drained of too much energy, both mental and physical.He lay alongside her, wheezing weakly, his arms having long ago fallen away from her.

“Ben…”

Her whisper, spoken while yet lost in unconsciousness, found Kylo’s ear and he managed a weak smile before his own unconsciousness claimed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts...?


	8. Vengeance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A traitor is revealed.

Cerisse let loose a terrifying howl of rage and lashed out at the nearest stormtrooper, reaching out with her fist to crush him in her Force grip.She couldn’t see his face contorting in fear and pain behind his helmet as she squeezed the life from him, but she could feel it in his mind, and that was just as gratifying.Sensing the edge of death approaching, she released him abruptly, reluctantly recognizing that the random slaughter of troops was simply not good for their numbers.Disregarding him as he slumped to the floor, Cerisse turned aside to complete her journey through the hangar.

She had been tracking the effects of her disc since the Force-sensitive had first activated it nearly a standard solar day ago.As was her usual practice, she had responded to the disc’s summons as quickly as possible.A happy convergence of circumstances—her relative inactivity, close proximity to the disc’s site, and ready access to a fast ship—meant she had arrived on Galea and at the trap itself within an impressively short amount of time.But, highly surprisingly, she had nevertheless missed her prey.

Through the residual presence collected by the disc, Cerisse had learned that her mark was a human female and that she was exceptionally strong in the Force.So strong, in fact, that Cerisse had known instantly the disc’s effects would cause her death within a handful of hours.The fact that there hadn’t been a body for her to claim on Galea, while annoying, had therefore been of little concern.Though not a particularly common occurrence, Cerisse had located her spent discs without their attendant victims often enough to know it simply meant her mark had not been alone when encountering the trap.Given the disc’s effects, it was really no set back at all and so Cerisse had left the planet with no worries.

By the time she was back in space, however, the circumstances had changed.

Once activated, Cerisse’s discs maintained a constant link between her and her prey, informing her of its progress.Everything had been proceeding as expected…until suddenly it wasn’t.It was as her shuttle escaped the planet’s gravitational pull that Cerisse had become aware that her victim was somehow combating the disc’s lingering effects.Lacking sufficient skill with the Force to discern any specifics, Cerisse knew only that this especially strong Force-sensitive was fighting a spell that no one— _no one_ —had ever managed to fight before.The novelty of the situation incensed her.And, by the time she had landed in the hangar and disembarked her shuttle, the unthinkable had happened and her trapped prey had broken free.She didn’t know how such a thing could be possible, and it only angered her all the more.Even nearly crushing a random stormtrooper had not alleviated her rage.

Cerisse felt more than saw Captain Phasma fall into step beside her.Gritting her teeth in annoyance at the limitations of this ridiculous helmet she was required to wear as a Knight of Ren, Cerisse turned her head to regard Phasma for a moment, who mirrored her motion.The pair walked in silence, chrome alongside black, both their capes flowing out behind them.And Cerisse both noticed and appreciated the sight of various troopers and underlings scurrying out of the path of their long, powerful strides.Eventually, Cerisse tired of their unspoken game and abruptly pulled Phasma aside, the two of them ducking into an isolated computer bank.

Casting outward with the Force into the darkened space, Cerisse quickly verified they were quite alone then promptly drew off her helmet as Phasma did the same.The two tall, powerful women stood exposed before each other only a moment before they were kissing ravenously.

“You’ve been away far too long, Cerisse Ren,” Phasma chastised.

In response, Cerisse deliberately bit her lip and snarled, “Shut up.”

Their assignation, however, was necessarily brief.Not only was Phasma on duty, but Cerisse also felt a great measure of urgency to discuss recent events with the Emperor.The physical release shared with her lover in a dark closet, however, helped.And, after all, Phasma was right: she had been away far too long.Cerisse leaned forward to nip at Phasma’s chin, reveling as she always did in the sight of her deep violet skin against Phasma’s pale flesh.

“How did you know that was just what I needed?” Cerisse asked with the nearest approximation to affection of which she was capable.

“I didn’t,” Phasma answered in her no-nonsense manner that Cerisse so appreciated.“I just knew it was what I needed.”

Cerisse grinned wolfishly and thrust forward in one more bruising kiss before extricating herself.Arranging her robes efficiently, she looked down at Phasma in her beautiful disarray.

“What brings you, Cerisse?”

“I must speak with the Emperor on a matter of some urgency.”

Phasma frowned.“He’s not here.”

“What?” Cerisse demanded, her expression matching Phasma’s.“Where is he?”

“No one knows.He left in the middle of the night cycle and suppressed his flight plan from the central computer.”

Cerisse ground her teeth together in aggravation.“What does Hux have to say about it?”

“He’s every bit as annoyed as you are.”

She turned away, her hands on her hips as she struggled to think past the furious haze clouding her judgement.“How long has he been gone?”

“A standard solar day.”

“And has he made sudden departures like this in the past?”

“No,” Phasma answered firmly.“Not since declaring himself Emperor.”

“But before?”

She shrugged, only now turning any measure of her attention toward replacing and arranging her armor.“He’d always been wont to do more as he pleased than Hux was ever comfortable with.”

Cerisse nodded, knowing full well what Phasma meant.“Has he responded to comms?”

“I don’t believe any messages have been sent.”

“Hux’s orders?”

Phasma leveled a look at her.“You know he’s perfectly happy operating without Kylo’s oversight.”

“Yes,” Cerisse agreed, “the scheming slug.Well, _I_ will send a message to Kylo then.But first I shall take advantage of his absence.”

Phasma nodded.“Do you wish company?”

“No.I need some time to reason through some issues.Then I’ll be better prepared to speak with our Emperor.”

Phasma stood with a nod, taking one last glance over her armor then plunking her helmet on her head.Cerisse followed suit then led them both out into the corridor where they parted company without another word.Heading toward the most central part of the ship, she breezed past the red-uniformed Praetorian guard as she entered the elevator that delivered her to the Emperor’s throne room.

Kylo may have declared himself Emperor and claimed this room, but in Cerisse’s deepest thoughts, it would never belong to him.She didn’t begrudge him his position; it was wholly necessary and appropriate that he claim the mantle of Emperor.But to her, the role of Supreme Leader would always belong to Master Snoke.It was he who had drawn her to the First Order, he who had liberated her from a life in the Light, he who had fostered her Dark tendencies and encouraged their development.Although she had understood his rationale for choosing Kylo over her as the Master of the Knights of Ren all those many years ago, Cerisse had taken comfort in knowing from the Supreme Leader’s very mouth that it was she who most fully embraced his teachings, she who most filled him with pride, and she who gave him his greatest hope for the future of their Empire.Kylo had always been more powerful, but Cerisse had always been more dedicated.

This room was not where Snoke had died, Cerisse knew.The _Supremacy_ had been irrevocably damaged when some Resistance imbecile had rammed into it at lightspeed.But, fortunately, architects had managed to salvage Snoke’s throne itself from the wreckage.With an imperious wave that the Praetorian guard immediately understood to mean their dismissal, Cerisse strode directly to that throne, her fingers trailing along its smooth, hard surfaces as she looked upon it, pondering the memory of her true Master.

She’d heard the stories, of course, that Kylo had brought a scavenger from Jakku before the Supreme Leader and, somehow, by the end of that encounter, Snoke and eight Praetorian guard lay dead and Kylo unconscious, the girl nowhere to be found.At the time, she had railed against Kylo’s incompetency.Later, as she heard more rumors, she’d started to wonder about the scavenger girl.And now, after the events of the last several hours, she wondered about her again.A human female with uncharted power in the Force…?

“How could it be possible?” Cerisse asked the empty throne, frustrated that she hadn’t been here to defend the Master of her heart.

A low, hissing murmur sounded in the back of Cerisse’s mind and she cocked her head, wondering if it was possible…

“Master?”

There was no response, and Cerisse shook her head at her folly.She so longed for Snoke’s guidance, having craved his blessing since she first heard his voice at the age of four.His passing had been harder on her than she’d let Kylo or any of the other Knights know, so much in fact that this was the first time she’d managed to make this visit.This might not be the room in which he died, but this was the very throne upon which his body had been severed in two.Imagining that moment and overcome by rage, Cerisse dropped to her knees, bowing her head before the phantom of her Master.

_Ven…ee…_

Cerisse gasped, certain she had heard something this time.Impatiently flinging aside both her helmet and her gloves, she pressed her hands to the seat before her, searching and feeling for any residue that might remain.She could feel Kylo there, he being the more recent occupant.But she also sensed that he had never _occupied_ the throne the way his predecessor had.It wasn’t truly _his_ , just a place he sat.Snoke, on the other hand…This had been his true throne, the seat from which he ruled far more effectively than Kylo ever could.He had wielded true power from this place, and that kind of power tended to linger.Cerisse searched for it now, willing the specter of Snoke’s essence to come to her, to speak to her, to guide her.

_Avenge me._

“Yes, Master,” she whispered in satisfaction.“Is it she?The girl who escaped my trap?Is she the one who murdered you?”

No response.

“Master…”

Still nothing.

Without further hesitation, Cerisse stood and commenced the removal of her clothing, every stitch.Standing naked before the throne, she unbound her long, gray hair with its streaks of black, releasing it to cascade across her violet shoulders.Closing her eyes and willing the lingering presence to come to her, she settled herself into the throne, occupying the space Snoke had inhabited for so many years.

_Avenge me_ …

Cerisse shifted her body slightly, aligning herself with the position she’d seen Snoke most often take, feeling the residue seeping up from the cold stone and into her body.She welcomed it, embraced it, drew it into her mind and her consciousness.At first, all she could grasp were random fragments, spoken phrases and flashing images.She reached for them, tenaciously latching onto each one and allowing her mind to be dragged along in its wake, taken wherever it will.

Then, suddenly, as though rewarded for her persistence, full awareness flooded her mind.With a gasp, her eyes opened wide, watching, hearing, _experiencing_ the Supreme Leader’s last moments and beyond.Astonished, ashamed, and angered, Cerisse watched silently as she learned the truth, all of it. 

“Kylo…?” she breathed.“The _Emperor_ is a traitor?”

Overwhelmed by the sudden need to exact Snoke’s vengeance, she leapt up, fully intending to surge into action immediately without even bothering to clothe herself first.

_Hold_.

Startled by the sudden strength in the low, hissing voice, Cerisse slowly lowered herself into the throne’s embrace once again.

_Patience_.

“But…You want vengeance.”

_Yes…And more_.

Closing her eyes, she pressed her arms and hands along the rests of the throne, absorbing her Master’s guidance with a sensation even more intense than the climax Phasma had provided her.Gradually, as his plan was revealed, she found herself smiling, gleefully anticipating the vengeance to come.Barely able to contain her excitement, Cerisse used the very words her newly revealed enemy had used.

“I know what I have to do.”

And she felt her Master’s approval coursing through her body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Please feel free to leave any questions or comments you may have!!!


	9. Actually Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blissful awakening...

“Ben…”

Kylo jerked awake, his lungs sucking in heaving gasps of air as his eyes snapped open.Blinking in astonishment, he didn’t immediately recognize his surroundings, confusion settling on him as instinct informed him he hadn’t expected to find himself conscious ever again.As his heart beat heavy and ponderous in his chest while he struggled to recall why he should have expected to die, another instinct suddenly had him turning, only to find Rey laying beside him, smiling softly up at him.

With a cry of relief as it all came flooding back to him, he seized her in his arms and pulled her close, holding her tight against him as she returned his embrace.Recalling details of what had transpired, he pulled back to look at her face, which glowed with health and vitality, a far cry from the last he’d beheld.Impulsively, unable to help himself, he kissed her forehead before dragging her into another embrace.

“Ben…What happened?”

Leaning back to peer closely at her once again, he noted the confusion in her eyes.

“What do you remember?” he asked rather than answer, stroking her hair back from her eyes.

She frowned deeply.“There was…something calling to me.And I had to touch it.I don’t know why, but I couldn’t fight it.And then you were there and you told me not to, but I couldn’t help myself.After that…Nothing.I woke up here, which I don’t know where here is, and I feel so exhausted, but I don’t know why.”

Kylo nodded.Having felt the distinct barrier between her conscious and subconscious minds, he’d suspected that much of what he’d revealed to her and she to him would be buried in places she couldn’t reach.But, though it was expected, it was still somewhat disappointing.Perhaps, someday, he could tell her some details of what had occurred in the battle for her mind, but for now it was plenty merely that she was here, alive, able to ask him what had happened.

“It was a device designed by one of the Knights of Ren to lure and trap Force-sensitives,” he explained.“You had an especially strong reaction to it.”

Before he could get any further in his explanation, however, her trio of friends arrived, evidently having been alerted to their consciousness by their voices.Kylo watched in astonishment as, before pulling her eyes away from him and toward them, Rey briefly brushed her hand against her mouth.Recognizing the signal she had devised for the occasions on which she wished to keep his presence a secret by resolutely ignoring him, he suddenly realized she had no idea he was really here with her.

“Rey…” he began, attempting to disabuse her of that notion as quickly as possible, but she gave a firm, narrow shake of her head and pressed her hand to her mouth again.

“How do you feel?” FN-2187 asked as he knelt down beside her, resolutely ignoring him.

“I feel fine,” she answered bemusedly.“A little tired…Where are we?”

“Crait,” the pilot piped up, eliciting a strong reaction from Rey.

“Crait?!” she cried, rising onto one elbow.“What are we doing on Crait?”

“It was all I could think of.We needed someplace remote and private, but also nearby.”

“Why?”

“Ask him,” he answered with a gesture in Kylo’s direction.

He saw her frown at the pilot, attempting to convince herself that he hadn’t actually gestured at the man she knew full well her friends couldn’t see.She even went so far as to refuse to turn toward him.So Kylo leaned forward and spoke directly into her ear.

“I tried to tell you…”

Her reaction was immediate and visceral.With a cry of astonishment and near rage, she turned on him.

“You’re _here_?!”

Kylo was not fully able to suppress his amusement at her reaction, having given him an opportunity to see that sudden flash of fire behind her eyes that he so enjoyed witnessing.And, this time, having the opportunity to _feel_ it was well, since he was, indeed, actually here with her.Rey, however, was not quite so amused.Cursing violently, she shoved at him and scrambled to extricate herself from the blankets he could only presume her friends had laid over them both where they’d passed out.Rising to her feet far too fast, though, he saw the moment she wavered, the blood having rushed far too quickly from her head.Knowing he too would suffer the same effect should he attempt to catch her himself, he watched in mute irritation as the traitor put his hands on her, supporting her until the pilot could retrieve a chair.Seeing her safely ensconced and the traitor’s hands withdrawn, Kylo was able to focus his attention on sitting up carefully, allowing his own blood ample time to adjust to the new state of his body.Finding himself to be quite uncharacteristically cold, he wrapped a blanket around his shoulders then held one out for Rey, knowing she suffered from the same malady.Her eyes narrowed at him suspiciously, and he sighed in annoyance.

“Would you give this to her, please?” he muttered to the woman, who, having demonstrated herself to be far more sensible under unexpected circumstances than any of her companions, promptly retrieved the proffered blanket and settled it around Rey’s shoulders.

“How?” she demanded of the traitor, dragging her eyes away from Kylo with effort.

In a tripartite narrative that constantly interrupted itself with interjected details and augmented perspectives, Rey’s friends explained what had happened to her and how they had come to be here on Crait in the presence of the evil Emperor.She took it in silently, her eyes constantly flickering between the three of them, and occasionally landing on Kylo.When their bemused telling finally brought them to now, Rey met the conclusion with stunned silence.After a sustained moment, finally her eyes lifted to regard him.

“You saved my life?”

He nodded slowly. _I always told you_ —

“Stop,” she insisted suddenly with a violent shake of her head.“Don’t do that.”

Knowing she meant speaking privately in her mind, he cleared his throat, eyeing the trio standing guard at her side and wondering if she really wanted them hearing what he had to say on the matter.Throwing caution to the wind, he said it anyway.

“I always told you I would never let any harm come to you.”

Her flush was deep and immediate, and Kylo couldn’t help but notice the stunned expressions on the trio’s faces.

“How?” she managed after a moment.“How did you…appear to them?”

“Through…” _our bond_ , he’d intended to say, but a sudden instinct informed him that perhaps she hadn’t explained his random appearances in quite that way.“Through the Force,” he amended, knowing from the renewed crimson in her cheeks and her bowed face that she understood what he meant.“Once I’d determined I couldn’t get to you in time, I knew I’d need their help.”

“But…surrender?”

He shrugged, suppressing the truth, that he would have given up far more than that, including command codes to all Imperial ships, if it meant the chance to save her life.Had her friends been only a little more creative in their demands, they could have orchestrated the full and systematic destruction of the Empire and an end to the war.Of course…he didn’t want to give them any ideas…

“I think they expected a trap,” he confided, to which the traitor immediately interjected, “Oh, you _think_?!”

Kylo spared a brief glare for the hothead, then returned his attention exclusively to Rey, who looked flustered and exhausted as she raised a hand to her forehead.

“Rey, you’re still weak.You need to rest.”

She nodded, agreeing readily enough.

“There are dormitories toward the rear of the facility,” the pilot offered.“I’m sure we can find one with a lock—”

Kylo was already thinking bemusedly of how remarkably ineffective a lock would be in keeping him in, should he decide to get out, but Rey’s response surprised and stunned him.

“No,” she flatly denied.“He stays with me.”

As the magnitude of her words sunk in, Kylo realized he was gazing upon her like a besotted fool.Hurriedly wiping the vulnerable look from his face, he took a quick look at the others and, unfortunately, found the woman staring at him in open astonishment.Clearing his throat to disguise his consternation, he bent his head to focus on collecting as many blankets as possible into his arms.Aware that the traitor had predictably taken it upon himself to act as Rey’s living crutch as they commenced their quest for beds, Kylo found himself in the wholly unexpected position of shaking his head to deny similar aid from the best pilot in the Resistance.Noting the expression of deep relief that crossed his face, Kylo set himself to simply moving with enough caution and care that he needn’t worry overly much about taking a tumble.Of course, that didn’t mean Rey didn’t worry.As they made their slow way back toward the dormitories, he noticed Rey frequently looking back at him to make sure he was alright, and bringing her escort to a stop when he trailed too far behind.

Finally, after what seemed an excruciatingly long and inordinately difficult journey, they at last found a stale and musty room with four bunks and three ancient mattresses between them.The woman and the pilot set about dragging the mattresses to the lower bunks, flipping them over in the process to dislodge untold years of dust and insect carcasses.Each one received a blanket covering, and the mattress deemed to be in the best condition became Rey’s bed.As he settled onto his designated bunk, Kylo noticed the woman grip the traitor’s arm as he attempted to claim the third bunk.With a subtle but determined shake of her head, she pulled him from the room as he complained noisily about the possibility of what Kylo Ren may do while Rey was still so weak.As for Kylo Ren, he simply pretended not to notice.

Light was scarce this deep in the bunker, but Kylo had little difficulty seeing Rey, in part because the Force augmented all his senses, but also because she simply shone that bright to him, always had.Huddled beneath blankets that he now realized were far too thin, he watched her closely, even as she watched him back.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here,” she murmured in amazement after a long silence in which the others’ voices slowly receded.

He smiled.“I can’t believe I’m actually here, and yet so far away from you.”

She didn’t seem to know how to respond to that, her eyes roving over him in ceaseless motion as he felt her mind churning behind them.

“Are you cold?” he asked after a long suspended moment.

She swallowed with evident anxiety, then answered, “Desperately.”

Taking that as his cue, he slipped from his bed, keeping his head low in the hopes of fooling it into thinking he wasn’t actually standing up.He made his way swiftly to her and, with gentle pressure at her shoulder, coaxed her to move toward the front edge of her narrow bed.He climbed in behind her so she wouldn’t have to turn her face toward the dusty wall, cocooning her in the blankets she already had while draping his over them both.Once settled, he wrapped his arms around her beneath his blankets, pulling her tight against his chest.Feeling a contentment he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt before, he closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of her hair, suddenly realizing that was something he’d never been able to do through their bond.He felt her heart pounding insistently at her ribcage, its echoes reverberating in his own.

“What did saving me cost you?”

He breathed deeply at her timid question, knowing she didn’t mean this farce of a surrender, but what he’d experienced that she couldn’t recall.He thought of his conversation with her subconscious, her deep and connected fears that loving him meant she must give in to the Dark Side.On some level, it helped him to understand her psychological reasons for attempting to keep him at bay all this time.But he also recognized how much deeper it would wound him now were she to ultimately reject him, to deny herself the bond that the Force itself had created for them.

“Nothing I wasn’t willing to pay,” he answered, somewhat cryptically.

He could feel her mind churning and running, but her next words still somehow surprised him.

“Then why do you feel so sad?”

He closed his eyes, not having realized she was in his mind.He’d become so accustomed to her presence, so familiar with the feel of her essence, that it seemed he’d actually begun to take it for granted, not knowing when she was gently digging around in there, searching for truths he may be reluctant to speak aloud.

“Oh, Rey, my sweet, darling girl,” he breathed, his lips brushing her jaw just below her ear in the lightest of kisses.“Calm your thoughts.You need to rest.”

“But I—”

“There’s time for conversation later,” he assured her.“I’m not going anywhere until you say so.”

“Promise me.”

He smiled and this time didn’t hesitate in pressing his lips against her jaw fully.“I swear to you,” he whispered with profound tenderness, his voice turning even softer as he amended, “on everything I feel for you.”

He, of course, felt the solitary sob shudder through her body, and was aware of the tears that began to fall from her eyes and saturate his sleeve.But he pretended not to notice as he tilted his face even closer to her head, gently easing his way into the surface of her consciousness.He offered her tender, soothing, wordless assurances that it was safe to sleep, and he felt her essence embrace him, holding him as close as his arms held her body.And slowly, slowly, they both drifted toward sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what'd you think of my mushy chapter? ;-) Nauseating? Kinda boring? 'Bout damn time? All comments are greatly appreciated!!!


	10. Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More mush...but of a different sort...!

Rey opened her eyes and found herself in Ben’s arms.It was not a surprise in the least.She’d known just where she was and why before she’d even awaken.In fact, if anything, she’d been afraid to open her eyes and find it wasn’t true.But there he was, as solid as life beneath her cheek, her hand riding the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.She could feel his warmth and feel his presence completely surrounding her, inside and out.But there were new things too, particularly his scent, which she’d never before realized was missing.He smelled of spice and strength and so many things she couldn’t identify, and she found herself intoxicated by it.

Moving carefully so as to not disturb him, Rey rose up on her elbow, giving herself a better vantage from which to observe him as he slept.His face was utterly devoid of tension, completely relaxed in a way she’d never seen before.She noticed the impossible darkness of his lashes as they lay in contrast to the pale skin below his closed eyes.She noticed the graceful contour of his full lips, and the aquiline bent of his nose.A lock of his hair stretched across his brow, and she couldn’t resist the temptation to hook it with her finger and draw it back.Her fingers felt the silky softness of his hair and she was suddenly consumed by the need to touch more of him, to know the _true_ feel of him, rather than her mind’s supposition of such a sensation.But just as she contemplated such a possibility, her eyes fell upon the long scar that extended from below his right eye down across his jaw and into the collar of his black shirt.Vividly recalling the moment in which she’d given him that scar, she was lost in sorrowful contemplation when his eyes slipped open.

He watched her silently for a moment as her eyes filled with tears she refused to shed.Slowly, silently, he reached for her hand, which hadn’t yet managed to stray from his hair.Gripping it lightly, hepressed a tender kiss to her fingertips, his eyes all the while maintaining contact with hers.Then, he directed her fingers directly to the scar, pressing them to the creased flesh before withdrawing, leaving them there.Given such explicit permission, she allowed her fingers to explore and caress every ridge, every nuance of the scar.She recalled the first time their bond had manifested, when he’d been in the middle of a treatment to close the last of his wound.And she flinched when she recalled attempting to shoot him right in his gut.How much pain and heartache she might have avoided had it been possible to end him in that moment.But how much she would have missed out on too, such as this very instance.

“I don’t regret the scar,” he whispered ever so softly.“It’s my constant reminder of you.”

And his words wrung the tears she’d held so skillfully in her eyes.“I could have killed you,” she moaned softly.“I _wanted_ to.”

“But you didn’t.”

“But I should have,” she argued.“Why didn’t I?”

“Because you didn’t want to.”

The circular logic was so wrong and yet so right at the same time that she couldn’t process it.Instead, she focused on the scar again, tracing it over his jaw and feeling the deformity in the bone that the strike had caused.He obligingly turned his face to give her access as her fingers continued to trace the angry mark onto his throat, pausing to feel the steady, strong pulse in his neck.Then her fingers were thwarted by the neckline of his clothing.

“How far does it go?”

She watched him hesitate for a moment, then a decision came into his gaze.Clearly alert to any sign he should stop, he reached for the collar of his shirt.Suddenly and inordinately anxious, Rey found herself careful not to give any indication that he should stop as she moved to give him space to maneuver.Pulling the clothing to one side, he exposed the angry slash that trailed the length of his clavicle before ending just short of his shoulder.She’d never known the damage she’d inflicted had been so extensive, only aware of one end of it.Reaching forward tentatively with a question in her eyes, she set her fingers at his neck again once his slight nod gave her permission.Tracing the scar once more, she felt the myriad pits and waves in his delicate clavicle and she felt tears flood again.Breathing his name in sympathy, she wished there was something she could do for him, some way she could express how much she regretted having left him with this mark in his flesh.And, before she could question the wisdom of such a gesture, she leaned forward to kiss his clavicle, right on the spot in the middle that seemed to have required the most rebuilding of the bone.

“Oh, gods, Rey,” he breathed on a sharp inhale, her gesture having caught him by surprise.

Finding she quite liked his reaction, though, she did it again, trailing her lips up toward his neck.He turned his face roughly aside, both giving her access and hiding his response in some small measure.With each trailing kiss, he gasped anew, though his breath never fully escaped the captivity of his lungs.Fully aware she was playing with fire, she continued right up to his jawline, reveling in the sight, sound, and _feel_ of what her touch did to him.

“Rey…”

His barely controlled moan as her lips tucked into the narrow space just beneath his jaw shuddered through her and she knew she should stop, should _want_ to, but didn’t.A liquid heat was spilling through her and she found the sensation so intoxicating, she was already addicted.And she wanted more, more, _more_ …

He moved suddenly, then, shifting away from her in order to give himself space to roughly yank the neckline of his clothing back into some semblance of its appropriate location.Turning to meet her gaze, she found his eyes suffused with a dark intensity she’d never seen before, one that both frightened and excited her.

“Rey, you need to stop this.”

She stared, suddenly entranced by his lips.Licking her own subconsciously, her gaze lifted heavily toward his eyes.

“I don’t want to, Ben.”

She felt the trembling of his body against her as he drew in a long, shuddering breath, stretching his neck back to angle his face away from her.He froze, suspended and breathless for a moment, before he swore viciously under his breath then abruptly claimed her lips with his own.

Rey sucked air in through her nose, startled by the contact but knowing she didn’t want it to end.She kissed him back as well as she could, not having much clue what she was doing.But her senses were overwhelmed by him, everything tingling and straining to be part of him, and she quickly found thought to be extraneous and unnecessary.When his body suddenly shifted toward her and brought her flat against him, her gasped surprise parted her mouth slightly, and Ben immediately took that opportunity to thrust his tongue inside.Moaning deeply as the already zinging sensations throughout her body rocketed into a new stratosphere, she eagerly and hungrily joined his quest to explore the full measure of the contact between their mouths.She felt his hands pulling and twisting at her tunic as he continued to ravage her mouth, and she felt a distinct firmness lower down that even she in her relative ignorance couldn’t mistake for anything else.Feeling bold and empowered and incredibly daring, she deliberately pressed her hips into that hardness, relishing in his explosive reaction as he tore his mouth from hers, arched backward, and released a silent cry as his hips returned the pressure.But then, just at the height of her triumph, he pulled back from her entirely, mouth, hands, and groin.

“Rey,” he gasped, a fist pressed to his eyes as he struggled to even his breathing.“Stop…stop…”

Feeling horribly rejected, she couldn’t help the pathetic whine that escaped her.“You don’t want me.”

“Gods, no!” he cried, meeting her gaze with desperate sincerity.“But I’m not going to do this just to prove I want to.”

A little mollified though still feeling mostly rejected, Rey turned away, but Ben caught her in his arms and pulled her back.

“Please don’t run away from me.”

And it was there, in those desperately whispered words, that Rey both heard his fear and felt her need to alleviate it.Responding instinctively to that need, she pressed herself against his side, in just the position she’d awakened, her shoulder tucked below his and her head resting atop it.Needing more connection with him though, she tentatively reached up and pressed her hand to the side of his neck.

“Is that alright?”

He nodded emphatically, even pressing her hand there with his own.She watched and listened as he continued to breathe deeply, working slowly toward equanimity and calm.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured after a time.“This has been building for me for a long time.I’m sorry I lost control.”

“I’m not,” she stated flatly, surprising him as he turned to look at her.“Is that what it will be like every time I kiss you?”

A sharp bark of laughter burst from his chest, and he smiled savagely, pulling her tight against him and kissing the top of her head.

“Do you think you might be doing that a lot?” he wondered.

“If it’s like that every time, definitely.”

He laughed again and held her close.“Gods, Rey, I—I hope so.”

She couldn’t escape the instinct that he’d been about to say something else, something that she was pretty sure she already knew.And she wasn’t sure how she would feel about such a declaration, but she also couldn’t be certain she didn’t want to hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow... I just realized how short this one is... Short but intense, maybe?


	11. Negotiations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Finn. He just doesn't get it...

“Rey.Can I…?”

Rey looked up, the broad grin Ben had just fixed upon her face still there as she turned to find Finn lingering awkwardly in the doorway.Sobering quickly, she turned to exchange a glance with Ben, who nodded subtly, clearly understanding he couldn’t monopolize all her time, much though she might want him to.Climbing to her feet and smoothing out her clothes, Rey braced herself for what she sensed would not be an entirely pleasant conversation, a suspicion that was confirmed when Finn led her to the control room where Poe and Rose already waited.Settling herself into a chair that had clearly been set aside for her and suddenly feeling as though she were on trial, Rey watched as the three of them exchanged meaningful glances that she couldn’t help but notice excluded her.

“What happened?” Finn asked abruptly once he had received the not-so-subtle _go ahead_ from Poe and Rose.

Rey sighed, mildly annoyed that she was being asked to explain something she didn’t entirely understand herself.In fact, she became distinctly _more_ annoyed once she realized there was someone else they could ask who _could_ explain what had happened.

“You should ask Ben.He understands it better than I do.”

“You mean Kylo Ren,” Poe interjected firmly.

Rey slowly and deliberately fixed Poe with a determined and unwavering gaze.“I mean Ben Solo.”

“Don’t be naive, Rey,” Finn objected hotly.

“Don’t be thick, Finn!” she countered snidely, her own heat rising instantly to meet his.“You saw!He saved my life!”

“We saw him sitting on the floor and rocking you in his arms.”

“Oh, you didn’t notice the whole ‘I was unconscious’ and then ‘I wasn’t’ bit?” Rey threw back, matching Finn’s temper measure for measure.

“For all we know he _caused_ the whole thing—”

Rey stood abruptly, prompting first Finn then Poe to gain their feet.She didn’t know what she intended to do, whether to attack her friend for his attack on Ben or simply to walk out.She only knew she couldn’t abide him denying what Ben had done for her, the fact that he’d almost given his life to save hers.She wouldn’t allow him to diminish that, not for anything.

“We don’t know what we saw,” Rose intervened quickly into the midst of the rapidly escalating tension, bringing it back to a calmer level.

With a quick, hurt glance at first Finn then Poe, Rey turned her attention to Rose, immediately sensing that she would provide the voice of reason in this whole matter.

“It’s clear he helped—”

“He saved my life,” Rey insisted firmly, to which Rose swiftly capitulated.

“Yes, obviously he did.We wouldn’t have known how to help you and I’m certain you would have died if he hadn’t intervened.In fact, I think maybe you _did_ die and he brought you back.”She shook her head, awestruck.“I don’t understand these things, Rey.I’d never seen anything of the Force before we were last here on Crait, and I don’t know how to make sense of all of it.But we also clearly don’t know… _Ben_ the way you do.To us, he _is_ Kylo Ren.All I have are stories, but both Poe and Finn have encountered him before.Do you see how difficult it is for them to accept what’s going on now?”

Rey bowed her head, riveting her gaze upon her hands clenched into fists in front of her.She knew everything Rose was saying, had known how difficult it would be for both Finn and Poe to accept that Ben meant her no harm, but she hadn’t considered that she couldn’t exactly guarantee that he didn’t mean _them_ any harm.Both had suffered as his hands in the past.And, while Rey may be inclined to give context to those events that would explain his actions, she also recognized such attempts would land in Finn and Poe’s minds as just excuses, faulty rationales for evil acts.And she couldn’t fault them for that either.Sitting slowly back into her chair, Rey took a deep, fortifying breath.

“I told you I was seeing and speaking to him through the Force…”

She sensed more than saw Finn nod, at which Rey look another careful breath.

“Well, that’s only part of it.”

She watched her fingers twisting together in anxiety and frantically sought the best words to use.But they all seemed so offensive, or inadequate, or misleading.So she just took a deep breath and plunged ahead, aiming for accuracy above all else.

“Ben and I are bonded in the Force.He’s part of me, and I’m part of him.That’s what makes us able to see and hear each other, but I also feel what he feels. _That’s_ how I can trust him.”

A heavy silence greeted her words, lengthening uncomfortably as Rey failed to find the strength to meet any of their gazes.Finally, a half whispered curse spat from Finn’s mouth, startling Rey into lifting her head.She saw Finn stalk over to Poe, pointing angrily in his face.

“I _told_ you!” Finn hissed before turning his accusatory finger on Rey.“She thinks she’s in love with him!”

“Yes,” she admitted readily, her voice shaking and tears suddenly filling her eyes.“Yes, I _do_ love him.I can’t know him the way I do and not love him.And if it had been him dying and I knew what to do, I would have risked my life to save him, just like he did for me.”

Rey buried her face in her hands, overcome by emotions as she fully admitted these truths even to herself for the first time.Weeping for relief, joy, and remorse all at the same time, she swiped the tears roughly from her cheeks and sought Finn’s gaze, pleading with him.

“I fought this for so long, Finn.I felt it coming and it scared me.I tried to deny it, I tried to hate him, but I just can’t.I know you can’t understand that.I know he’s done awful things to you and people you care about.And I know you may not be able to forgive _me_ for this, but I just can’t fight this anymore.I can’t keep fighting my own heart.”

Rey bowed her face low in her hands, unable to endure the expression of righteous anger on her friend’s face.She felt the soft brush of Ben’s mind against hers and she reached for him, reassuring him she was alright but also holding him close to her heart.She drew strength from knowing he wasn’t far away and that she’d be able to take comfort in his arms when this was done.After some time, Rey sensed both Finn and Poe quietly resume their seats and she managed to get herself under control.Lifting her face, she found both Rose and Poe watching her silently, she with empathy and he with caution.Finn, on the other hand, couldn’t look at her, his gaze sliding right past her and into the nothingness beyond.Rey couldn’t fully suppress the exhausted, shuddering sigh that overcame her.

“These are not issues that will resolve themselves today,” Rose observed gently.“But we do have more urgent matters.”

Rey observed Rose carefully, her eyes flickering toward Poe, not certain what Rose meant.

“We are overdue for our leave and we need to get back.”

Rey nodded immediately, having entirely forgotten that important detail.

“And we need to discuss what to do with Ben.”

Now, she frowned.“ _Do_ with him?”

“That was the agreement,” Poe pointed out, “that he surrender to us.That makes him our prisoner.”

“No,” Rey objected firmly, knowing her heated response came as a result of nuances of which her friends weren’t aware.“No, it doesn’t.He doesn’t _belong_ to anyone.”

“Come on, Rey,” Finn said wearily.“He’s the _Emperor_.We can’t just _send him home_ …”

“Yes, we can!” she fired back.“He saved my life!”

“So we just say, ‘Gee, thanks!Here you go, right back to your mayhem and chaos’?”

“Well, what do you suggest?You just want to execute him right here?”

“No!I want to bring him back to the Resistance as a prisoner.”

“So they can execute him there?”

“You don’t know that’s what will happen!”

“I don’t need to, because he’s not going there!”

“Rey, you have to—”

“You’ll have to kill me first if you want to take him, Finn!”

Poignant silence fell over them all, Rey and Finn glaring daggers at one another.He swallowed anxiously, glancing briefly toward Poe and Rose, but Rey held her stare unwaveringly.

The magnitude of what she’d just said shook her.Hard.But she stood by it.She wouldn’t let anything happen to Ben, not while she had any say in the matter.And, according to the deal that Poe had struck with him, she had all the say in the matter.If Leia were still alive, it might be different.She might have been able to hold some measure of hope that the general’s influence could mean a positive outcome for Ben, that he wouldn’t spend the rest of his days in a dark, dank cell or just be summarily executed on the spot.And that, of course, was before considering what Ben had to say about it.The Empire might be able to manage such a feat, but the Resistance had no way of effectively holding a powerful Force user like Ben.She suspected he’d known all along that his acceptance of the condition for his surrender was a farce, that he knew they’d have no way to enforce it.But, on the other hand, the condition that he’d accepted put her in charge of his fate, and he’d therefore placed his fate, his life, his _trust_ in her hands.The significance of that fact was not lost on her in the least.

“So that’s your line in the sand, is it?” Finn snarled.

Jerked out of her thoughts, Rey nodded, her eyes harsh as she stared Finn down.“Yes, it is.”

Another moment of awkward silence, and Poe drew Rey’s attention in calm tones that clearly sought to reduce tensions.

“The agreement we made was that you would decide what happens to him if he saved your life.”

“That was before we knew he’d scrambled her brain!”

“So now I can’t think for myself?”

“ _Stop_!”

Both Finn and Rey hung their heads at Poe’s shout.

“You’re as bad as children!” he complained, shaking his head in frustration.“What do you want to do, Rey?”

“Nothing changes,” she said promptly.“You three go home, he goes home.”

“What about you?” Rose asked.

Rey frowned, surprised to realize that was even up for question.“I go back to working on junkers at spaceports.”

“You’re not going with him?”

“No, Finn,” she answered with exasperation.“I’m not joining the Empire.I’m not going to rule with him.That’s a line I won’t cross and _he_ knows that.”

Finn stared at her for a moment then nodded, seemingly somewhat mollified by her answer.She nodded back at him and, while it might have been premature to call it a truce, Rey felt maybe there was hope for their friendship yet.Taking in the silent exchange between them, Poe shifted in his seat and nervously cleared his throat.

“So…I think maybe he needs to be here for this next part?”

Rey nodded, immediately communicating to Ben that he should come join them.When he arrived, Rey stood to greet him, quickly and decisively gathering his hand into hers as she stood with him.Clearly taken aback, though Rey wasn’t sure if it was due to her silent summons or her overt demonstration of unity with the supposed enemy, Poe cleared his throat again.

“We’ve been talking and—”

“He knows,” Rey interrupted.“You don’t need to explain.”

“You were reporting to him the whole time?”

Rey met Finn’s narrowed gaze with an expression of boredom.“It was all about him so…yes.”

Finn scoffed, but Rey just returned her focus to Poe, who in turn focused on Ben.

“You fulfilled your end of the bargain, so we will too.You’re free to go at your leisure.”

“Won’t that present problems for you?” Ben wondered, to Rey’s surprise.“Aren’t you a general now?”

Poe nodded reluctantly.“Yes, which is why I’ve thought it might be a good idea to keep this just between the five of us.”

“Agreed,” Rose piped up immediately, as did Rey.Finn hesitated a moment longer, but offered his grumbled “Alright” in due course, which cleared Ben to nod his agreement.To Rey’s surprise, Poe then stepped forward with his hand extended.Cautiously, Ben gripped and shook his hand, formally sealing the agreement.Rey couldn’t help but feel a thrill of optimism at the sight, thinking perhaps there was hope for the future.But then Poe had to open his impulsive mouth…

“Next time we meet, I’ll have to kill you.”

To her astonishment, though, Ben actually smiled.

“You can try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe! I love cocky Kylo!


	12. Captive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So high...and so low...

Rey ran alongside Ben, hand in hand, as they approached his shuttle.As they drew to a halt on the ramp and looked back toward the bunker to see if they’d been spotted, they noticed the trail of blood red footprints that led in a straight line right to them, and they laughed.

“Can’t sneak anywhere on this damn planet,” Rey grumbled through her laughter, but Ben quickly sobered.

“Do you want to go back?”

She turned, placing herself deliberately in his arms and looked up at him affectionately.“No.I don’t.”

“You know what they’ll think if we don’t.”

Rey glanced back once more, anxiety ratcheting up inside her, though not for the reason Ben likely thought.“I’d rather they _think_ they know what we’re doing and not hear us, than hear us and _know_ what we’re doing.”

Ben frowned, taking a moment to decipher her meaning, then his brows lifted.“Do you mean…?”

“Yes, I do,” she answered softly, meeting his gaze squarely as her heart hammered against her ribcage, and for no cause related to their recently completed dash.

He swallowed thickly.“I didn’t think…”

“I don’t know when I’ll see you again.Or _if_ …”

He shook his head.“Rey…”

“No, Ben…It’s just—That’s how it is.I’m not asking you to change anything.And I’m not certain we would be in any less danger if you did.”She gazed up at him, studying his face with serious intent.“You’re a target of the Resistance.I’m a target of the Empire.Neither of us knows what will happen and I won’t let us make promises to each other that we may not be able to keep.”

She watched as he bowed his head low, knowing he was very uncomfortable with the turn of this conversation.But she’d been thinking about this a lot and her mind was set.She knew what she wanted.She knew the associated dangers and risks.And she didn’t care.Other things were just more important to her.

“The hard truth is that we may not ever see each other again,” she insisted gently, voicing the fact neither of them wanted to confront.“Or it may be a very long time.But we have now.We’re here now.”

To her dismay, Rey felt hot tears invade her eyes as she realized just how fleeting that state of affairs really was.

“I don’t want to squander that,” she whispered.“Do you?”

He shook his head, pressing his forehead to hers and breathing deeply with overwhelming emotions.

“I don’t know how I can leave you tomorrow,” he confessed softly, his voice breaking.

“You don’t have to,” she murmured.“I can do the leaving if you need me to.”

“You’re so much stronger than me…”

“No…Just more stubborn.”

He smiled, but there was such sadness to it.“I love you so much, Rey.”

Reaching up, she cradled his jaw in her palm and rose on her toes to press her cheek to his, murmuring into his ear, “Then show me, Ben.”

She felt the way his heart thrilled to hear her use that name, and the way another part of his anatomy responded to her suggestive tone.He groaned deep in his throat as he kissed her, dragging her up against his chest and losing himself in her embrace.

 

…

 

Rey lifted her head a fraction of an instant after Ben did, alert to the abrupt change in mood that the beeping tone wrought within him.Before she could ask what the sound meant, though, he was rising swiftly from the bunk in which they lay, snagging his pants from the floor as he went.Momentarily distracted by the lovely sight of his retreating backside, Rey’s awareness of Ben’s anxiety put her on edge even before it turned into outright alarm.

“Put your clothes on, now!” he shouted as he returned from the cockpit, already heeding his own instruction.

“What is it?” Rey asked frantically as she obeyed, fear quickly gripping her heart.

“It’s a proximity alarm.It’s Cerisse.”

“Cerisse…She’s _here_?”

Rey didn’t notice Ben’s response, her mind already lunging and leaping in a million different directions as she thought about her friends inside the bunker, this particular Knight of Ren’s penchant for murdering Force users, her own brush with death at the mercy of Cerisse’s disc, Ben’s collusion with a general of the Resistance, the two ships parked at the back of the mining facility, her previous encounter with Cerisse on Yavin IV, the pair of footsteps that led directly to Ben’s shuttle—

“Stop,” Ben told her suddenly.“I can’t think.”

Aware that he meant the noise of her heightened anxiety was drowning out his own thoughts, Rey attempted to focus just on the one element that most concerned her: whether or not Cerisse knew of the Force bond Rey shared with her Master.She watched as Ben thrust his hand out in the general direction of the bunker, and she followed his gesture with her senses, recognizing that he had just put her friends into a Force sleep so they couldn’t inadvertently make their presence known by emerging from the defunct base.Surprised that he could do that at all from this distance, not to mention through the cavern wall, Rey found herself wondering how effective it would be.

“Not very,” he admitted, having sensed her doubt.“But it should hold long enough.”

“For what?What are we doing?”

“You’re going to have to come with me, Rey.As my captive.”

“What?” she cried, already shaking her head and rejecting the plan.“No!I won’t!”

“Two sets of footprints!” he reminded her forcefully, taking hold of her shoulders and speaking firmly into her face, his eyes intense and grim.“If she doesn’t find you here with me, she will hunt you down.”

“I’ll fight her. _We_ can fight her!”

“You’re safe under my protection, Rey.She won’t challenge that.”

“But what if she knows that you—“ _love me?_ “—saved me?”

“She’s not very good at extracting information.Too much subtlety for her.When she tries to read your thoughts, let her.”

“What?Ben!”

“Listen to me, Rey! _Let her in_.Don’t stop her getting in, but _do_ guide where she goes, what she sees.She won’t be able to tell if you’re doing that, but she will know if you’re hiding something.”

Rey shrank back from him, shaking her head frantically.“No, Ben, I can’t do this.I’m so afraid…”

He pulled her roughly into his arms, holding her tight and pressing a kiss to her forehead.“I won’t let any harm come to you.Please trust me, Rey.Follow my lead on this.”

Without quite confirming her complicity in his plan, he kissed her once on the mouth then promptly set her aside to don his helmet, which she hadn’t noticed him retrieve from the cockpit.

“Stay there,” he instructed, pointing to the bunk on which they had so recently realized their immeasurable passion for one another, “and _don’t_ call me Ben.”

Collapsing onto the bunk, Rey pulled the blankets tight around her and watched as Ben— _Kylo_ turned to lower the shuttle’s ramp.Stopping halfway down the ramp, he waited for Cerisse.It was not a long wait at all.

“Master…” Rey heard Cerisse greet him formally.

“What brings you here, Cerisse?” Kylo responded coldly.

“I’m tracking a Force-sensitive who managed to elude one of my traps.”

“I’ve already caught her.She’s here.”

“She…?”

Rey saw Kylo step aside, and another black masked figure preceded him up the ramp.Coming to stand in the shuttle proper, Cerisse Ren gazed down at Rey, who cowered on the bunk with blankets pulled up to her chin.She stared at her in defiance, but couldn’t help some measure of fear seeping into her eyes.And this fault only worsened when Cerisse suddenly reached up and removed the helmet that so resembled Kylo’s.

Much to Rey’s surprise, Cerisse was incredibly beautiful.Though the deep violet hue of her skin suggested she was Twi’lek, the absence of headtails made her race something of a mystery.In their place, she possessed a thick, lustrous mane of pale gray hair streaked liberally with black that fell in graceful waves about her face and down her back.Her eyes were a deep, penetrating black that made Rey distinctly uncomfortable in their harsh and unwavering scrutiny, and this effect was only intensified when she crouched close to the bunk, one elbow perched in an aggressive posture on her knee.

“Give me your name, girl.”

Rey felt the pressure of Cerisse’s Force manipulation, but she wasn’t interested in playing along this time.Hardening her gaze, Rey resolutely kept her mouth shut.

“It’s not Taedra, is it?”

Despite the increase in pressure in her mind, Rey refused to answer.

“Answer me, girl!” Cerisse cried.

Stretching out suddenly, she launched a blast of Force power that Rey immediately and instinctively deflected away from her.Both women rose quickly to their feet in defensive postures, but Kylo strode forward and, with a wave of his hand, knocked them both back down to their knees.

“Her name is Rey,” he intoned evenly.“She is my captive and you will not touch her, Cerisse.”

Cerisse looked back at Rey with a strange look in her black eyes, one of fury, followed by surprise that slowly morphed into amusement.

“You’re the Jakku desert rat!”

Rey’s eyes narrowed as Cerisse erupted into malicious laughter.

“I should have seen it sooner!” she exclaimed in delighted astonishment.“But I see it now!The lies are so entrenched, you have no idea, do you?I knew there was _something_ but I never would have guessed…Oh, how many times have you cheated death already, little Kira?”

Rey’s frown deepened.She didn’t understand what Cerisse was saying, but she didn’t at all like the eerie tingling that commenced along her spine at her mention of that name.

“Where are her companions?” Cerisse questioned Kylo suddenly, rising to her feet, evidently through with Rey.“Whoever removed her from Galea?”

“ _I_ removed her from Galea.”

Cerisse’s dark eyes widened in surprise, as did Rey’s.

“I’d been tracking her for days and finally closed in when your damn disc nearly ruined everything.”

“ _You_ pulled her from the trance!” she exclaimed in sudden understanding.

“Of course I did, you fool!I need her alive, not catatonic!”

Cerisse looked back at Rey, wildly speculating over the meaning of this revelation, then swiftly peered at Kylo again.“You already _know_?”

Rey couldn’t read Kylo’s expression with that ridiculous mask in the way, but he inclined his head slowly in a subtle gesture that could have meant anything.

“No,” Cerisse murmured, as though to herself.“It’s not that.It’s…”

Suddenly, she turned back to Rey again, her eyes piercing her with renewed vigor, searching.And, abruptly, she broke into a wide grin.

“It’s already begun!” she cried joyfully.“Excellent!”

Kylo quickly lost his temper then, gripping Cerisse through the Force and spinning her about to confront him.“I tire of your senseless jabbering!Why are you here?”

As well as she could in his grip, Cerisse quickly bowed into a posture of subservience that Rey suspected was one she rarely assumed.

“My apologies, Master,” she murmured, abruptly entirely obsequious.“I sought only to fulfill my duty.Had I known my disc caught your Jakku scavenger, I certainly would have notified you rather than pursue on my own.”

“And now that you know, you may leave!” Kylo grumbled irritably.

“Of course, Master,” she agreed, bowing lower when Kylo released his hold on her.

Retreating toward the ramp, Cerisse retrieved her helmet and deftly donned it in such a way that nary a strand of her hair remained visible.

“May I report to General Hux that you expect to return to the _Finalizer_ soon, Master?”

“We leave within the hour,” Kylo confirmed.

“Very good, Master.”

And with that, Cerisse turned and left.

Rey looked quickly to Kylo, but he held a hand out, cautioning her to silence.She reached out to his consciousness, then followed his focus out toward Cerisse, heeding his silent warning for her not to get too close.Rey waited along with Kylo, both of them observing Cerisse’s progress as she boarded then fired up her ship without ever once glancing toward the bunker.When at last she had left Crait’s atmosphere, Rey questioned him even as he removed his helmet.

“What was she talking about?” she demanded, wavering between confusion and accusation.“Who is Kira?”

“I don’t know.”

“What does she think you need me for?”

“I don’t know.”

“What did she mean _it’s already begun_?”

“I don’t know, Rey!”

“You’re the Emperor!Of course, you know!What are you keeping from me?!”

Rey’s panic had risen higher and higher with each question until she nearly screeched the last, beating at Kylo’s chest with entirely ineffectual blows.Catching her in his arms, Kylo held her close as she quickly dissolved into uncontrollable weeping.Just when she’d begun to feel as though she knew where she stood with him, this minion of his, this Knight of Ren had come along and destroyed it all with a few cryptic observations and maddening clues that there was more she still didn’t know.

She wanted to believe Kylo, wanted to trust that he didn’t know what Cerisse had been on about, but Rey couldn’t shake the suspicion that he— _again_ —wasn’t being entirely honest with her.She’d admitted she loved him—to herself and her friends at least, even if she hadn’t actually said the words directly to him—and she’d even slept with him already.She wanted desperately to believe she hadn’t made a colossal mistake, and yet here he was, claiming her as his captive.

“Were you honest with me about my parents?” she asked, striving with only partial success toward calm, still huddling in his arms so she didn’t have to see his face.“About who left me on Jakku?”

“Yes.”

“How did you find out about them?”

“Snoke.”

“So he could have lied to you?”

“No, I—“He sighed and shook his head, burying his nose in her hair.“He showed me through the Force.”

“So that means it _had_ to be true?”

He sighed again.“I don’t know, Rey.Why are you so disturbed by what she said?”

“ _Kira_ ,” she answered, and felt something shudder through her consciousness as she spoke the name.“She called me Kira and it means something, I can _feel_ it, but I don’t know what…Does that name mean anything to you?

“No,” he answered, at the same time opening his consciousness and inviting her in to feel the truth of his words, “nothing.”

She could feel his honesty and knew he spoke the truth…at least as far as he knew it.But it also felt as thought the damage had already been done.Extricating herself carefully from his embrace, she retreated somberly to the bunk and sat there, pulling the blankets up to her chin again, as though they could protect her.

“What happens now?” she asked in a small voice, feeling utterly defeated.

“We’ll go to my command ship…”

Rey turned her face away abruptly, an instinct making her entirely uncomfortable with the way he referred to the command ship as _his_.He was the Emperor, yes, but it had been a fact that was easy to ignore until his path back to the Empire had become hers.

“You’ll stay with me there,” Kylo continued after a brief pause, during which Rey knew he’d felt her discomfort.“No one will harm you or bother you.You’ll be completely safe.”

“Safe,” she scoffed incredulously.“On an Imperial command ship…”

She shook her head, thwarting any response Kylo may have been inclined to make.She thought of her friends in the bunker, so close yet so far away.Cerisse had left, as had the threat she posed, so what was to prevent her from returning to the bunker, to her crappy little ship, to a life outside both the Resistance and the Empire?Kylo could arrive on _his_ command ship without her, offering some story about how she’d bested him or tricked him or however his ego could best handle her escape.She knew he’d secretly loved the idea of taking her back with him, holding her in his quarters as a captive, his own personal pleasure slave, no doubt.And, for a time, she’d bought into the idea that it was the only way to survive the threat Cerisse’s unexpected arrival posed.But now she was gone, as was the need for the charade…right?

The trouble was all those questions the Knight’s odd comments had raised in Rey’s mind.She couldn’t shake them now, couldn’t rid herself of the conviction that they were important, that they held answers to questions she’d sought her entire life.And, try though she might to convince herself they weren’t important enough to subject herself to captivity, she couldn’t quite manage it.She needed to understand what Cerisse knew, and she certainly wouldn’t make any headway on that while repairing luxury space yachts on Galea.

Rey turned at looked at Kylo, who stood over her, watching her intently.She felt her heart aching, recalling the overwhelming happiness she’d felt being with him not even an hour ago.Just this morning, she’d stared her closest friend in the eye and admitted, yes, she loved the man who’d very nearly killed him a year ago.But Kylo felt so distant to her now, and she didn’t understand why.For a time there, and she didn’t know when it had happened, he’d become the single most important thing in her life.But, with only a few select words from a sadistic enemy, that had changed, and answers to the same questions she’d asked all her life had usurped him.Now, he was a means to an end, one she could accept.

“We should go,” Rey murmured softly.

She could feel his confusion through their bond, his concern that something had changed for the worse and he knew neither what nor how to repair it.She felt him consider a change in plans, but she reached surreptitiously into his thoughts, planting a seed of selfishness, and she felt it take hold as he decided, no, he wanted her with him.Stifling the guilt she knew she should feel at having so easily manipulated him, she comforted herself with the notion that its ease had been borne by its truth.She knew he wanted her there with him and, truth be told, some part of her wanted to stay with him too.So, in the end, who was she really hurting by expeditiously convincing him to move forward with the plan he’d already enacted when Cerisse arrived.

“Let’s go,” she suggested with more conviction as he continued to hesitate.

And, finally, at last, he nodded.Without another word, he hit the control to raise the shuttle’s ramp, then wandered into the cockpit to fire up the engines.Within a few minutes, they were airborne.And, a few minutes later, they had made the jump to hyperspace.Once the nav was set, he came back to where Rey still huddled on the bunk, kneeling in front of her.

“I won’t let any harm come to you,” he vowed fiercely.

Rey nodded, having no qualms on that score.“I know, Kylo.”

And she looked away, pretending not to notice his devastation that she hadn’t called him Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are welcome!!! And thank you for reading!!!


	13. Stolen Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An explanation comes from a surprising source.

Rey sat up in the bed and looked around the empty room.She’d only been on the _Finalizer_ two standard solar days, and already she felt like breaking something.Problem was, there wasn’t anything to break.The entire contents of Kylo’s quarters made for a very brief list indeed: bed, table, 2 chairs.There weren’t any colors—even the bed linens were in shades of gray—or hints of individualism to be found.

There was a wardrobe in the adjoining room, but it wasn’t exactly filled to the brim with the vast assortment of his clothes.Instead, it consisted of a black cloak, the spare to the one that was currently gracing his broad shoulders, two black tunics, a thick, armored overtunic in black of course, two black pants, a wide black belt, and two pairs of black boots.Her own clothing choices had always been limited, too, but out of scarcity of resources.Not having been afflicted by that particular issue, Rey could only assume Kylo simply suffered from a severe lack of sartorial imagination.

What made all of that worse was that Rey was now being subjected to that lack as well.Having left all her possessions in her little clunker of a shuttle on Crait, Rey had been forced to accept the clothing Kylo had located for her.But, being a military ship, the options were limited.Like Kylo, she was now dressed all in black, the long sleeved shirt and pants normally worn beneath stormtrooper armor serving quite comfortably but also constantly reminding her of where she was.

Not that she could tell, really.Other than during her initial arrival on board, she had seen nothing more of the command ship than she could see right now.She had been entirely confined to Kylo’s quarters for the past two days and had every reason to expect she would continue to be so confined for…when?Ever?She didn’t know, _couldn’t_ know how long the current state of affairs would continue.

Despite her internal grumbling, though, Rey had to admit that things could be worse.It was clear she was under the protection of the Emperor since the only individuals she had encountered had been quite deferential to her.She knew she should be grateful she was being kept under guard in Kylo’s quarters rather than a prison cell somewhere, but she had a difficult time embracing her fortune when she was subjected to constantly alternating states of boredom and angst, depending on whether or not Kylo was present.

Try though she might, she still couldn’t shake the intuition that he knew something of her past that he wasn’t telling her.It simply didn’t make sense to her that Cerisse would know something about her that he didn’t.She couldn’t understand why he persisted in pretending that he didn’t know anything, and his constant attempts to get her to look into his mind to confirm his innocence for herself only infuriated her all the more.Helpless to stop it, she felt herself pulling further and further away from him.The first night, she laid curled in his bed, facing the wall and flinching every time he touched her, whether inadvertently or not.The second night, he’d given up all pretenses and settled himself on the floor.Although she’d been grateful for his choice, she never said anything about it.

When she’d awoken before him today, she’d gazed down at him on the floor, noticing the pinch of his brow that indicated his consternation, even in his sleep.She felt her heart weighing heavy in her chest as she recalled the moments of affection and tenderness they had shared on Crait, recalling the buoyant sense of joy she’d experienced on those occasions.She longed for its return, to embrace him and feel what she’d felt so strongly only a few days ago, but she couldn’t fathom how.The sense of betrayal at his refusal to admit what he knew of her was simply too deep, too painful, and she didn’t know how to overcome this obstacle.So she had pulled back from the edge of the bed, curling into herself once more, and pretended to be asleep until at last he left the room to attend to whatever it was that the emperor of an evil empire did with his days.

Now, she sat in the bed, staring at the door and not knowing what more she could possibly do to occupy herself in this empty, sterile room.She didn’t have long to wonder, though, because, soon enough, the hiss of air that presaged the opening of the door sounded.Pressing her back into the wall and wrapping her arms tight around her knees pulled into her chest, she watched with dull eyes as Emperor Kylo Ren, resplendent in all his colorless glory, entered.The full weight of his despair hit her like a physical blow as he paused, looking at her through that damn mask.Averting her gaze from that sight she hated so much, she felt a hope she hadn’t recognized in his consciousness die as he turned aside to remove his helmet and cloak.Rey too turned aside, pressing her face against the cold wall and wishing she knew what to say or do, well aware that Kylo felt the same way.

No sooner had Kylo turned to speak to Rey, than a chiming tone interrupted him, drawing both their attention.Frowning in confusion, Rey looked at him as he first returned her questioning gaze then turned toward the door.Hitting the lock, the familiar hiss sounded an instant before the door slid aside, revealing Cerisse.Surprised and alarmed by the visit, Rey leapt to her feet, refusing to be caught off guard by this woman.But, surprisingly, she only smiled disarmingly at Kylo before seeking her out behind him.

Cerisse was dressed casually, her black robes replaced by a colorful ensemble that flowed about her sculpted body in a relaxed and easy manner that accentuated her shape.With a smile that could only be described as warm and gracious, she greeted them both before holding forth a bundle of fabric.

“I know flattering clothing is hard to come by here,” she offered, her demeanor friendly, “and I thought you might be tired of black by now.”

Utterly shocked, Rey glanced toward Kylo uncertainly.

“Oh,” Cerisse exclaimed, “of course.”

She turned toward Kylo with an open expression, clearly inviting him to search her intentions.She watched in awe as he held Cerisse’s gaze, and Rey felt the power of the Force thrumming between them.After a moment, he glanced toward Rey with a subtle nod.

“See?” the Knight said merrily.“No ulterior motives, just being neighborly!”

Cautiously, Rey stepped forward as Cerisse held the bundle out to her.

“I believe I got the size right,” she commented, her eyes scanning Rey up and down briefly.“And I do hope you don’t mind the color.I’m rather partial to purple!”

“Thank you,” Rey murmured uncomfortably, not knowing what else to say.

“My pleasure!I know we got off to a rather unfortunate start, what with me trying to kill you and all.But I hope we can get past that.I sincerely hope you’re finding your stay here comfortable.”

Rey stared, truly not having any idea how to process what she’d just said.And, before she could think better of it, she found herself blurting out exactly what she wanted to know.

“Who is Kira?”

Cerisse’s startling black eyes widened considerably as they shifted between Rey and Kylo.

“You—You don’t know?” she stammered to Rey, her attention shifting to Kylo as she asked in wide-eyed innocence, “You didn’t tell her?”

At the same moment that Rey’s mind leapt in vindication at this proof that he was holding something back from her, Kylo opened his mouth to object and Cerisse breathed out a startled gasp.

“Oh!I forgot, you don’t know either!You see,” she explained, turning to Rey, “it was giving him horrible nightmares, so he begged Supreme Leader Snoke to remove his memories.”

“Of what?”

“Of you, Kira!” she laughed, as though it were a silly question.

Rey jerked, startled by the confirmation that this woman did indeed think she was this mysterious Kira, but also by the implication that Kylo had somehow known her and chosen to forget her.

“This was so long ago, I didn’t realize it was still—”

“But why don’t _I_ remember anything?” Rey interrupted Cerisse’s pondering, causing her to cock her head to the side.

“I don’t know.How curious…”

But Rey suspected she knew the answer, and it made her feel even more betrayed than ever.Exhausted by these revelations, Rey retreated to the corner of the bed where she’d spent most of the last two days huddled.She knew both Kylo and Cerisse were watching her, but she didn’t care any more.She wanted nothing more than to wallow in her own despondency.

“My apologies, Master.I didn’t realize…”

Rey stifled a groan as she pulled a blanket up over her head, dearly wishing she had never left Jakku.Everything that had happened since that fateful decision, everything she’d learned…She didn’t want any of it anymore.That was the problem with ignorance: it couldn’t be fully appreciated until it was gone.

“Thank you, Cerisse,” Rey heard Kylo mumble an instant before the door hiss sounded and she departed silently.

Rey was aware that Kylo approached her, kneeling down at the edge of the bed closest to where she lay huddled, but she resolutely refused to acknowledge him.

“Rey…”

“Go away,” she moaned miserably.

“Rey, please look at me.”

“No.”

She heard him sigh and could feel his frustration with her, but she didn’t care.

“Rey, the memories aren’t gone.They’re still there, just blocked.”

“How do you know?”

“Because that’s how it works,” he answered simply.“And I think I know how to unblock them.”

Cautiously, Rey pulled the blanket down to peer at him over its edge.

“Do you want to?”

He nodded, his gaze intent on her.

“Are you sure?” she asked, unable to keep the bitterness from her tone.“You didn’t want to remember me before.”

“But I do now,” he said emphatically.“Very much.Do you?”

She stared, surprised.“Did you…do that to me?Block my memories?”

“No.At least…not that I recall.”

“But you can undo it?”

“No, you can.”

She looked at him skeptically.

“Memories are very difficult to suppress,” he explained.“They want to be remembered.If the block is confronted directly, it can’t sustain.Usually the effect only lasts if someone is committed to maintaining it for themselves, or if they don’t know about it.”

“Which are you?”

“I didn’t know about it.”

She narrowed her eyes at him.

“But…I think…”He sighed, struggling with his words.“I’ve been aware of something about you since I first saw you, Rey.I didn’t understand it, but I knew I needed to.That’s why I took you with me on Takodana.And every encounter I had with you after that only strengthened that conviction.Once we learned of it, I thought it was the bond.But…”

She sat closer to him as he faltered, genuinely interested in what he had to say now.“But, what?It’s not the bond?”

“No,” he clarified quickly.“I mean yes.I mean…Rey, I think the Force bond between us has existed a lot longer than we realized.”

“How is that possible?”

“I think you were at Master Luke’s Jedi academy.I think I knew you there.”

She stared at him, the full weight of what he was saying slowly sinking in.“But he never said anything.Why would he never tell me that?”

“He never told you about what happened with me there, either.”

“No,” she agreed, conceding his point.“You told me.I don’t think he ever told anyone the truth about that.”

Kylo bowed his head and maintained his silence, but Rey continued to ponder.

“He was ashamed by what he’d done.He knew he failed you and he didn’t want anyone else to know.But why me?What does that have to do with me?I would have been, what…six?What didn’t he want me to know…?”

Frustrated and tired of everyone knowing more about her than she did, Rey threw aside the blanket, startling Kylo as she seized his wrist.

“How do I confront the block?” she demanded.

He met her gaze with haunted eyes and she gasped, sudden realization dawning on her.

“You don’t want me to know.”

“No,” he contradicted her quickly and firmly.“No, I don’t want anything held back from you, Rey.I just…”He sighed, deep uncertainty gripping him as he confessed softly, “I don’t know what you’ll learn about me.I don’t know if you’ll…”

She swallowed anxiously, never having been confronted by his insecurities this way before.She suddenly sensed how treacherous a slope this was for him, and she didn’t know how to respond.But when she bowed her head in defeat, Kylo shook himself out of his stupor, climbing onto the bed next to her.He sat with his legs crossed and took her hands in his as she mirrored his posture.

“Look at me,” he instructed her.“Tell me what you know.”

“My name is Kira.I was a member of Master Luke’s Jedi academy.But what if that’s wrong?” she asked suddenly, anxious that doing this could somehow damage her mind.

He shook his head.“If none of this is true, then nothing will happen.You’ll just know there isn’t a block.”

She nodded.

“My name is Ben Solo,” he stated flatly, ignoring her startled reaction as he followed his own instruction.“I once knew a girl named Kira.”

Rey gripped his hands and found comfort in his responding squeeze.She felt afraid, not knowing what truths she was about to confront, but acknowledged that his presence comforted her.She regretted the last days in which she’d been so distant from him and worried that these unknown secrets would only perpetuate that distance, rather than repair it.And it only now occurred to her how much she didn’t want to lose him.

“Are you ready?” he asked softly after a moment in which Rey assumed he likely confronted his own fears.

She nodded, swallowing anxiously, and he reflected her gesture.

“Alright.Close your eyes and turn your focus inward.Keep repeating what you know and, when you feel something pushing back against you, don’t relent.Don’t let it push you away and convince you you’re wrong.It will feel impossible, but that’s an illusion.It’s a very delicate barrier.Push back, and it’ll break.”

Rey nodded once more then closed her eyes to do as he said.Instead of reaching out with the Force, she reached inside.

“My name is Kira,” she murmured, only distantly aware of Kylo saying, “My name is Ben Solo.”

“I was a member of Master Luke’s Jedi academy.”

“I once knew a girl named Kira.”

“My name is Kira…”

Rey felt her mind deny her words and she shook her head.

“I was a member of Master Luke’s Jedi academy.”

_Your name is Rey_ …

“No,” she insisted, gritting her teeth.“My name is Kira.I was a member of Master Luke’s Jedi academy.My name is—”

_Kira._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Cerisse isn't all bad, right?


	14. Ben and Kira

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fateful night at Master Luke's Jedi academy.

“Kira Rey!”

The bouncy, happy child of six years spun on her heel, laughing in delight at the call that summoned her through the forest.She’d been playing with the leaves, making them dance and collide in the air, but they dropped quickly as her short attention span was drawn elsewhere.

“Kira!” the distant voice called again.“Where did you go?”

“I’m here!” she called, ducking and laughing as she threaded her way through the underbrush, her feet barely skimming the forest floor in her speed.She knew she wasn’t actually flying, but it felt like it and she loved that sensation.But she also realized belatedly that her fleet footedness had carried her much further away than she’d realized.

“Come on!” the older boy with black hair groaned, annoyed as he turned round and round, searching for her.

“I’m here!” she cried as she approached him from behind.“I’m here, I’m here!”

Laughing happily, she leaped into his arms as he turned to find her racing toward him.Although he gave her a stern look, Kira didn’t care, knowing he wasn’t really angry with her.He just liked to look that way.With another laugh, she kissed him on the cheek.

“Don’t be cross, Bennie!The leaves were so pretty!”

“We’re late for our meal,” he told her grumpily, although he didn’t put her down either.“Do you know what Master Luke would do to me if I lost you?”

“It’s okay,” she told him, still smiling broadly.“You would find me again.You’ll always find me, Bennie!”

“Stop calling me that,” he grumbled.

“Why?You like it.”

He blinked at her, and she didn’t understand why that should be such a surprise to him.But she also knew it was true.His heart did this funny little fluttery thing every time she called him Bennie.And she liked making his heart do that.It was fun.She didn’t want to stop.

“I don’t want anyone else calling me that,” he explained after a long pause, his expression still dark and annoyed.

“But no one else is here, Bennie.”

“Kira, stop it.”

She frowned, not understanding why he would say things that she knew he didn’t feel.It made her sad.And it only got worse when he put her down without another word.She bowed her head dejectedly and she knew Ben could sense her disappointment, so he reached down and took her hand in his.She walked with him in silence as they headed back toward the academy, her thoughts skimming over Ben’s mood as she struggled to understand what was bothering him.

“What’s wrong?” she asked when she couldn’t contain herself any longer.“Why are you so angry?”

He sighed and looked up toward the sky, but his fingers also tightened on hers.

“Is it because of that voice you always hear?”

He stumbled to a halt and looked down at her, the intensity in his eyes scaring her.“What voice?”

“The scary, hissy one.You hear it all the time…”

“How do you know about that?” he asked her sharply, crouching down to meet her on her level.

“I can hear it.”

He searched her face, his piercing gaze almost frightening her before he finally asked, “Are you in my head, Kira?”

She nodded, shrinking back from him when a flash of anger crossed his eyes.

“You can’t do that,” he told her firmly.

“I can’t do that with anyone else,” she clarified, misunderstanding his meaning, “but with you it’s easy.”

“You need to stop, Kira.You hear me?This is important.”

“I don’t want to stop,” she whined, tears stinging at her eyes and her lip quivering.“I like knowing what you feel.”

She gasped as something intense rushed through him and she couldn’t help but feel it too, even though she was already trying not to since he’d asked.It was a familiar feeling, one she sensed in him often.She’d frequently thought about mentioning to him, but had never found the right time.Now, she thought, perhaps, this was the right time.

“I can help you when you feel like that,” she confessed in a small voice.

“Feel like what?”

“Angry.Scared.”

Although her admission flared those emotions anew, it also roused his curiosity.“How can you help?”

Kira closed her eyes and placed her hand on Ben’s cheek.She’d never done this before and she didn’t know exactly how it could help him, but she didn’t question her conviction that it would.Touching him like this, she could feel his dark, tumultuous emotions even more strongly, but they didn’t scare her.She imagined reaching for the tangled mass in his mind, threading through it with her small fingers, carefully and delicately prying the knot apart, and she felt his turmoil easing.She smiled as her levity and joy infected him, more pleased than she could express that she’d been right, that this had worked.Opening her eyes, Kira found Ben staring at her with an expression of astonishment on his face.

“How did you do that?” he asked in amazement.

Kira giggled.“Do you feel better?”

He nodded.“How did you know you could do that?”

“I just knew,” she shrugged.

“Do you do that for anyone else?”

“No.Only you.Is that okay?” she asked suddenly, wondering if she’d done something wrong.

He nodded again, still staring at her with eyes wide in wonder.Kira giggled, happy Ben felt better and looking forward to the next time she could help him.And because he was so close and he was still staring at her with that goofy look on his face, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek again.Laughing again at his reaction, she took his hand in hers and tugged at it.

“Come on, Ben,” she coaxed, careful not to call him _Bennie_.“I’m hungry!”

They walked the rest of the way together hand in hand, Kira jumping and skipping and hopping all the way.Ben was silent, but she knew he was thinking about what she’d told him.She worried maybe it was a bad thing that she could feel what he felt, but it was so easy and she liked the way it made her feel so close to him.It was something she had only become aware of in the last few days, but it was already so strong and getting stronger.

She looked up at him as the academy’s grounds came into view.He was still so quiet and she wastrying not to peek into his mind, even though she really wanted to and it was actually harder not to.Sensing her attention on him, he looked down and gave her a warm smile.Kira grinned happily in response and squeezed his hand in both of her own.But then he looked up as a shout drew his attention and he quickly pulled his hand from her grasp.

“Hey!Bennie!”

Kira felt the spike of irritation he felt at the name, even though she’d been actively trying to stay out of his mind.Turning angrily, she saw Cerisse running toward them.She didn’t like that purple girl.She was much closer to Ben’s age than Kira, and she saw the way she was always trying to talk to him, touch him, give him attention he really didn’t want.As if that weren’t enough, Kira had also noticed how she was mean to everyone unless Ben was around.As much as Cerisse tried to hide it from him, Kira knew she just wasn’t a nice girl.

“You can’t call him that!” Kira shouted angrily at her as she approached.“He doesn’t like that!”

“Kira!” Ben admonished her and she looked up at him in surprise.

“What?” she protested hotly.“You don’t!”

Ben sighed heavily.“Go get your meal, Kira.”

“Yes,” Cerisse agreed with a cruel look on her face.“Go play with the little ones.”

Kira glared in irritation at Cerisse, but when Ben didn’t come to her defense, her mood shifted quickly.She looked up at Ben, her feeling of hurt at his silence only getting worse when he finally did speak.

“Go on.”

Angered to such an extent that she didn’t know how to deal with it, Kira turned and kicked her tiny foot at Cerisse’s boot.

“You’re not a nice person and I don’t like you!” she shouted at the purple girl before running away.

Throughout the meal and the rest of the evening, Kira watched Cerisse and Ben from afar.She kept laughing at everything he said and finding excuses to touch his arm or his shoulder or his hair, and Kira didn’t like it at all.At one point, wanting to know what could possibly be so funny, she dipped into Ben’s mind as Cerisse erupted into laughter.She couldn’t understand exactly what was so funny, but she could tell that Ben was annoyed.Satisfied with that, she withdrew and contented herself with knowing Ben wanted Cerisse to leave him alone, even if he didn’t say so.As a result, even though Cerisse had completely monopolized Ben’s time for the rest of the evening, Kira was still able to head toward her dormitory in her usual joyful mood.But that quickly changed when, drifting off to sleep, Kira soon became aware of a low, hissing voice in her mind.

_Kira…Kira Rey._

Kira sat upright in her bed, her eyes wide and her heart beating hard in fright.She knew that voice, and it terrified her.It was the same one that talked to Ben, the one that told him horrible things that scared and angered him.Even though she could tell the voice wanted her to think it was friendly, she knew it was evil, having heard too much of what it was always saying to Ben.What’s more, she knew it shouldn’t be in her head.

Blocking the voice from her mind and not allowing it to say anything more, Kira jumped from her bed and ran, not even bothering to put shoes on her feet.Ben needed to know the voice was talking to her.She knew this instinctively and didn’t question her conviction.Ben would protect her.She wasn’t supposed to go in anyone’s dormitory but her own after the sleep bell, but Kira didn’t care.In her frantic fear, she needed Ben and nothing would stop her getting to him.

“Whoa!” a voice called out in surprise as Kira careened through the open courtyard, heedless of the noise she made or any obstacles in her path.

Before she knew what was happening, she was pulled off her feet and into the air.Kicking and screaming, desperate to get to Ben, Kira started pushing out against the Force that she’d only started to become aware of, but a soothing blanket descended over her and she found herself calming immediately.Opening her eyes, she found herself in Master Luke’s arms, and she burst into tears, hugging and clinging to the kindly man who was her teacher.

“The voice!” she cried out past her tears.“The voice talked to me!”

“What voice, Kira?”

“The scary one!It talks to Bennie and tries to get him to do awful things and now it’s talking to me and I don’t want it to!”

“Kira, slow down!”

“No!” she shrieked uncontrollably, fighting his hold again.“I can’t!I need to tell Bennie!He’ll be able to stop it!He can—!”

“Calm…”

Kira felt Master Luke’s hand lay tenderly across her forehead, and she fell limp in his arms.She saw Ben, scared and alone, standing in front of a huge, black door.The voice was hissing at him, telling him lies about nobody loving him and daring him to open the door.She wanted to scream out to him, to tell him not to listen to the scary voice, but no sound emerged, not even when she cried and wailed as he pulled the door…

Kira opened her eyes, gasping and afraid.Only slowly realizing she was back in her dormitory bed, she also became aware of screams and chaos all around her.Everyone was running and shouting everywhere, and she could see fire blazing all around.Staggering to her feet, she swayed, feeling dizzy and disoriented and not at all certain what was going on.Even though she knew he didn’t want her to, she reached out for Ben’s mind and gasped in fright at the magnitude of _rage_ she found there.

“Bennie,” she whimpered, frightened and confused.

_Kira!_

She heard his voice in her head and she fell to the floor, weeping.

_Where are you_? he shouted, an painful amount of panic having suddenly replaced his anger.

“I’m scared!” she screamed into her hands, feeling the heat of fire drawing closer.

_Where?!_

Unable to articulate any other words through her extreme fear, Kira pushed a mental image of her dormitory through her mind and into Ben’s.

_I’m coming!_

She huddled there, screaming into the space beneath her bed as frightening sounds of panic and fire roared above her.She heard something crashing down nearby and she screamed and screamed and screamed until at last she felt Ben’s hands on her back.Twisting toward him, she climbed nimbly into his arms, tucking her face down into his neck as he ran, carrying her to safety.She cried, clinging to him as her whole body trembled uncontrollably.

After what seemed an eternity, Kira felt Ben kneeling down into the leaves of the forest, but she wouldn’t let go when he tried to extricate her.

“Kira, let me look at you.”

“What’s happening, Bennie?” she wailed, still clinging to his neck.

“I’ve screwed up, Kira.Oh, gods, I’ve so screwed up.”

Hearing the extreme heartbreak in his voice, Kira jerked back to look at him.His eyes were wild with panic and fear, and she immediately reached for his cheek to comfort him.But he intercepted her hand and shook his head.

“You can’t fix this for me, Kira.I have to do it.”

“No, Bennie!” she cried, sensing immediately he meant to run back toward the fire and chaos.

“Stay here,” he told her firmly.“I’ll come back for you.”

“No!Don’t leave me!”

“I’ll come back, sweetheart.I promise.”

Ben leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead and she could feel his desperate need to fix whatever he’d done wrong, but she didn’t understand.All she knew was that she wanted— _needed_ him here with her.But the moment his lips left her skin, he was running away from her, toward the shouting and the fire.Kira fell to weeping in the dark, peering after him, trying to track where he was and what he was doing.But the overwhelming fear, combined with the lingering dizziness she’d felt since waking to chaos was more than her little body could handle and she soon passed out.

When she woke again, it was considerably quieter, which was somehow more frightening.A massive fire still raged in the distance, but there was no more screaming, no more chaos.With rising horror, Kira realized that was because everyone was dead.Reaching out desperately, she couldn’t find Ben.Stumbling through the forest toward the crumbling remains of the academy buildings, Kira continued searching, casting her mind out in every direction, tears streaking her little face.As she continued to fail in finding Ben, her voice rose higher and higher, screaming out her anguish, until at last it caught the attention of another survivor.

“Kira!”

She turned, her voice silenced and her heart beating frantically with the hope that it was Ben who called her.But it wasn’t.It was Master Luke.

“Where’s Bennie?” she wailed at the Jedi master.

She retreated from him in rising panic as he shook his head sadly at her.

“Ben’s gone,” he murmured sadly.

“He’s dead?”

“No.Just gone.We’ll never see him again.”

Kira collapsed into renewed weeping and didn’t object when Master Luke gathered her into his arms.She was only vaguely aware as he carried her through the forest, eventually arriving at a small shuttlecraft.His astromech droid that Kira had always enjoyed talking to was there, warbling impatiently for him to board and be on their way, but she was too heartsick and weary to play with him right now.She was grateful when Master Luke laid her down in a warm bed and covered her with a blanket and, not for the first time tonight, she cried herself to sleep.

Waking yet again, Kira found herself in the little bunk on the shuttle, Master Luke at the helm.He turned as she woke, and he immediately left the pilot’s seat to come talk to her.He looked so sad.She’d never seen anyone look so sad.

“I need you to listen to me, Kira, can you do that?”

She nodded, her eyes wide.

“Much of this won’t make any sense to you now, but it will some day.”

“Okay.Where’s Ben?” she asked in a tiny voice, that being all she truly cared about.

“You won’t see him again, Kira.”

“Never?”

“No, not ever.He believes you’re dead,” he explained, at which she had to bite her tongue hard to keep from wailing.“I made him believe that so he won’t come looking for you.It is absolutely imperative that he never find you, Kira.Do you understand?The consequences would be dire.I have to leave you somewhere he won’t find you, and then I have to make myself forget about you.”

Kira felt a spike of panic and she shook her head desperately, her eyes wide and filled with dread.

“I failed you, Kira,” Master Luke continued, his own eyes filling with tears.“And I failed Ben.All I’ve ever done is fail…I won’t ever see you again and you probably won’t ever remember me.But if you do…Kira…I’m so sorry.”

And, to her horror, Master Luke grasped her hand and fell to weeping.Confused and sad and frightened, Kira watched as he reached up and placed his hands on either side of her head.Her mouth dropped open in a silent scream as she felt an invasion in her mind.Everything she had experienced in life, everyone she had ever known, was all locked away.She could feel it all being sucked down into a tiny, opaque box that she would never even notice after this moment.And, there, next to it, was another that contained her access to the Force, locked away where she couldn’t reach it, wouldn’t even know she had it.In that moment, Master Luke took away everything she was, erasing her from her own mind.And when she found herself on the surface of a planet covered in sand, gripped firmly at the arm by a bulbous creature she instinctively didn’t like, she screamed at the departing shuttlecraft without knowing why.

“Come back!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was surprised by how much I enjoyed writing this chapter. I can't wait to hear what you all think of it! Please leave your comments, and thanks so much for reading!!!!


	15. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long held mysteries revealed.

Slowly, cautiously, Rey took a deep breath, only then attempting to open her eyes.Ben sat before her, holding her hands, and his eyes opened, flooding with tears as rapidly as hers did.

“I thought you were dead,” he whispered, and she nodded.

“Luke made you think that.He didn’t want you looking for me.”

“I thought it was my fault you died.I dreamt about it over and over.I’d wake up screaming every night until…”

Until he’d begged Snoke to block all his memories of her.She nodded, a tear tracking down her cheek as she realized the Supreme Leader had probably recognized his new star pupil would be no good to him filled with remorse over the death of a six-year-old girl.

“You carried me to the forest that night,” she told him, eliciting a nod.“You left me there and said you were going to fix it.Where did you go?”

He took a deep breath.“There were others with me.Other students that Snoke had been talking to and manipulating, same as me.”

“Cerisse.”

He nodded.“Yes, she was one of them.I went back to stop them, to help them realize how wrong it all was.”

“But they didn’t want to hear it.”

“No.They were too angry, too amped up on the power of it all.They knocked me out and took me with them.That’s why I didn’t come back for you.”

“Why was it different for you?”

“You,” he answered simply.“I was every bit as far gone as they were, until I heard you in my head.Your fear broke through my anger and made me realize what I was doing.”

Rey looked down at their hands joined so tight together, reflecting on that pivotal night and how everything since then could have been so different, if only that night had been different.With that realization, a fresh flood of tears collected and overwhelmed Rey’s eyes.

“I wish you had stayed with me in the forest,” Rey whispered.

“I do, too,” he choked suddenly, anguished weeping quickly overtaking him.“Oh, gods, Rey.I do, too.”

Moved by his evident heartache, Rey climbed her way deftly into his arms, holding him close as they both wept in each other’s embrace.She imagined everything he’d lost since that night so many, many years ago, all the agony he’d endured and caused since then.If only she’d been able to get him to stay with her, they could have faced the galaxy together after that.He could have returned to his parents, knowing he’d made a horrible mistake, but still able to redeem himself for having recognized the error of his ways.Master Luke could have helped him find a way to combat the venomous voice in his head and she would have been able to help.They could have been together all their lives as the Force had intended, and he never would have needed to be turned back from the Dark Side.All, and likely more, if only a little six-year-old girl had cried a little longer, begged a little harder, made him stay and keep her safe.

Slowly, the turmoil in them both calmed and their breathing eased.But, as it did, new thoughts came to Rey’s mind.Pulling away from him a little, she looked into Ben’s face, his eyes rimmed in red, but calmer and beginning to accept the things neither of them could change.He smiled weakly and lifted a hand to smooth tears from her cheek.

“What you told me about Luke…standing over you when you slept?”

He nodded, confirming she meant the night his uncle had briefly considered murdering him, even though she couldn’t bring herself to utter those precise words.

“Was that the same night as the fire?”

He nodded again.“Snoke had been trying to convince me and the others to leave for weeks, ideally with lots of chaos and mayhem.When Luke confronted me, I flew into a rage.Snoke sensed that and told the rest of them it was time.By the time I’d escaped Luke, they were already…”He took a deep, shaky breath.“…murdering and setting fires.”

“I think I started that,” Rey mused quietly.

“What?”

“I heard his voice in my head.Snoke’s.I think maybe he was trying to recruit me.All he said was my name, but I already knew the kinds of things he said to you, and it frightened me.I tried to run to you, but Luke found me first.And I told him about the voice in your head trying to convince you to do horrible things.I think that’s when he went to…to kill you.”

Rey watched as Ben’s brow knit in thought and his gaze dropped down to her shoulder without actually seeing it.

“Was that the same day you helped me feel better?That night?”

She nodded, the memory as clear in her mind now as the day it happened.

“I told him about you.”

“What?Told who?”

“Snoke.I told him about you being able to sense my feelings.I set him onto you,” he said with dawning realization.“A little girl who could get into my head, where he’d focused all his plans?He would have wanted to either recruit you or kill you.He wouldn’t have cared which, but he would have needed to do it fast.He reached out to you because I told him about you and me, and Luke came after me because you told him about me and Snoke.It’s all so clear now…I never knew…”

He shook his head, rubbing one hand hard over his face and into his hair.Then he looked at her suddenly.

“Wait…Does that mean…?”

Rey nodded, knowing exactly what he was getting at.“Luke is the one who left me on Jakku.Not my parents.I still don’t know who they are.”

“I do.”

“What?”

“Well, sort of…You had only been at the academy for a week or two.And when you latched onto me—which you did really fast, by the way—I asked Luke about you.You were born on Dantooine, but he found you in an orphanage on Coruscant.They didn’t know much about your parents, just that they had died and there was no one else to take care of you.”

“Well…” she said after a moment.“At least they didn’t trade me to get drunk.”

He gave her a guilty look but she shook it away, recognizing he wasn’t responsible for the lie Snoke had told him.

“But why did Luke leave you on Jakku and never come back for you?”

“He said he needed to make sure you never found me.He told me he’d made you believe I was dead, but I guess he didn’t feel that was enough.So he left me there with no memory of myself or anyone before that moment, and he said he was going to block all his memories of me as well.And he also locked away my access to the Force.”

“I didn’t think such a thing was possible.”

“I remember it now.I remember feeling it all pulled away from me and locked into this little box in my mind.I think that’s why I was so old when the Force came to me, because it had grown too strong to be locked away anymore.”

“That makes sense.”

Rey stared into nothing, her mind sifting though all the memories she hadn’t known were lost to her.There wasn’t much there, really, she having been so young at the time.But she did remember coming to the academy, seeing Ben for the first time, and knowing without any doubt that she was supposed to be with him.

“There’s something else I need to know, though…” she mused into the silence that had fallen between them.

“What is it?”

“How obnoxious did you really find me?” she challenged, a sly gleam shining in her eye.

He smiled, a full, uninhibited smile that did wild things to her insides.

“Horribly,” he confessed emphatically, to which she pouted and he defended himself.“I was fifteen!The last thing I wanted was a little girl climbing all over me and claiming me as her own!”

“I did climb a lot, didn’t I?”

“Yes.”

“But you _were_ mine.”

“Well, yes,” he conceded.“But I didn’t know that then.”

“Do you now?”

He froze, his gaze fixed deep into hers, all lighthearted teasing forgotten.“I’m not sure.Am I yours, Rey?”

Slowly, nervously, she nodded.“You always have been,” she whispered.“Even when I didn’t know you.”

“And…are you mine?”

“Yes, Ben,” she whispered.“And I never want to be parted from you again.”

Rey gasped in surprise as his mouth claimed hers, meeting his kiss with equal vigor.Surrendering to a sudden need that would not be put off, she reached between their bodies without hesitation, her fingers working frantically at his belt.Knowing exactly what it was she sought, Ben took over her efforts as they continued to kiss ravenously.Breaking away reluctantly, Rey held his heated gaze unwaveringly as they both shed themselves of their clothing until she was able to climb back onto his lap, properly unimpeded.When their carnal needs had at last been sated, they held each other tight, unwilling to release the closeness they had found in each other.Breathing both deep and shallow at the same time, Ben inhaled Rey’s scent as the reality of what had just happened sunk in.

“Gods, Rey,” he moaned between heaving breaths.“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologize for that, Ben Solo.”

Rey felt the impossible soaring of his emotions as she called him by that name, and she clung tight to him as he suddenly surged forward, laying her down beneath him, their bodies still joined.He searched her gaze intently, his fingers compulsively stroking her forehead.

“I will never apologize for loving you, Kira Rey.”

Rey gasped, her chest heaving as she drew a shuddering breath that verged on a sob.“I love you too, Ben.”

With that, he kissed her as he proceeded to make love to her all over again, this time with the care and attention she deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah... This chapter does my heart good! So much good, in fact, that I think I'll post a second chapter today!!!


	16. Deceptive Security

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plot simmers...

It soon became clear that, however long it might be, the remainder of Rey’s stay on the _Finalizer_ would be nothing like her first two days.After a night cycle and half the next day spent entirely in bed, alternately engaging in intimate contact and sleeping to build up strength for the next encounter, at last Rey had demanded that the Emperor feed his captive.Loath to leave her, Ben had nonetheless ventured out, bringing back a veritable feast of breads, meats, cheese, and fruit, all of which Rey devoured with gusto.

“How do you stay so tiny eating like that?” Ben asked in amazement after having watched her for some time.

“Oh, now you’ve done it,” she responded, tearing off a bit of bread and throwing it at him.“Now I’m going to get fat and you’re not going to want to have anything to do with me.”

“Impossible.”

“I’m sure I can get fat if I try,” she countered, deliberately misinterpreting his comment.

Rey laughed happily when Ben narrowed his gaze and picked up the same piece of bread to throw back at her.When she met his gaze again after retrieving the bread, she flushed self-consciously, almost embarrassed by the expression of utter adoration he wore on his face as he gazed at her.She wasn’t used to him looking at her like that, so open and vulnerable.She liked it, but it was also somewhat disconcerting.

“Have you eaten enough yet?”

She looked down at the decimated tray.Even if she were still ravenously hungry, there wasn’t much left to pick over.She shrugged.

“For now, I suppose.”

“Good,” he said, reaching across the table and grabbing her hand.

Rey smiled as she allowed him to tug her into his lap, settling there with her arms draped around his shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” she laughed, “was I too far away from you?”

“Yes,” he answered unabashedly as he buried his face in her hair.

She held him close and gently kissed his face wherever she could reach.She felt his contentment radiating from him like a gentle, glowing heat.

“This is so much nicer than wanting to kill you,” she sighed, smiling broadly as she felt the rumble of his chuckle against her body.

“It’s so easy being with you,” he murmured.

She smiled, but his barely audible confession had her thinking.

“You haven’t had much of that, have you?”

He shook his head, his cheek rubbing against her neck.“Why do you think I wear a mask?”

“I hate that thing,” she groaned.

“I know you do.”

Rey smiled as she felt him nuzzling against her neck, placing little kisses on her skin and even nipping her gently with his teeth.She felt the heightening of his attentions that presaged another round of intimacy, and she responded to it readily.But just as she was turning toward him more fully, the door chimed.Suppressing a sigh, she sat back as Ben extricated himself from her throat then watched as he reached outward through the Force to discern his visitor’s identity. Her mood deflated as a scowl crossed his face.

“It’s Cerisse,” he muttered.

Moving decisively, Rey got up from Ben’s lap and retreated into the adjoining refresher chamber, closing the door behind her.She heard the door open after a moment in which she presumed Ben had pulled on a tunic, and maybe even his mask.

“General Hux is asking for you in Command, Master.”

Rey heard no response, but she could picture Ben nodding.

“Is…all well, sir?” Cerisse asked then with a note of timid curiosity in her voice.

“I shall be there soon.”

Rey waited for the door to hiss shut before emerging, her expression cautious.

“I don’t like her,” she told Ben.

“You never have,” he agreed gently.

“No, it’s not that,” she said with a sigh, resuming her seat at the table.“I don’t trust her.What is she after?What does she want?Why do I feel like she _waiting_ for something?”

“She wants to serve the Empire.It’s all she’s ever wanted.”

Rey frowned, picking absently at the remaining food scraps while Ben began donning and arranging all his various layers of black.His supposition didn’t sit well with her, but she couldn’t put her finger precisely enough on why Cerisse bothered her so much.Tossing aside a bit of meat she’d briefly thought about eating, she looked up at Ben.

“I don’t like her giving me gifts.I don’t like her coming around here.I don’t like her dropping hints about things neither of us knew about.”

He looked at her curiously.“You’d prefer you still didn’t know about Kira?”

Rey sighed, turning her face aside.“No,” she sighed heavily, “I wouldn’t prefer that.But I wish I knew why she told us.I don’t for a second believe it was for our benefit.”

“Although we did benefit,” he pointed out, coming to crouch in front of her and grasp her hands in his.

She smiled softly, touching his hair and trailing her fingers over his face.“Yes, we did.”

She leaned down to him then, pressing her lips to his as he rose up on his knees to hold her close.For a moment, she lost herself in his embrace, drowning all her fears in the wonder of being with him in both mind and body.And she genuinely regretted it when he pushed back away from her reluctantly.

“I’m never getting anywhere at this rate.”

She smirked at him, not able to genuinely regard that as a bad thing.After all, if he was here with her, then she didn’t have to wonder what he was off planning for the Empire’s next move in this never-ending war.

“Go on,” she told him quietly, not looking forward to however much time she would have to wait here alone until his return.

He leaned up into her for one more kiss before rising to his feet and placing the helmet over his head.Rey forced herself to look at him instead of turning away this time, reminding herself that Ben, the man she loved, was inside this imposing figure in black, reminding herself that this wasn’t a sight to fear anymore.She wasn’t entirely successful, but she considered it to be a work in progress.

Out of deference to her because she so despised what the helmet did to his voice, he turned without a word and departed the room.And Rey slumped in the chair, wondering anew how exactly it was that she had become the willing and even enthusiastic consort of the fearsome Emperor Kylo Ren.

By the time he returned hours later, Rey had bathed, dressed, and rested.The moment she heard the telltale hiss of the door, she stood, anxiously awaiting his entrance.He moved with purpose, hitting the control to slide the door shut behind him and removing his helmet in one smooth motion.Once he’d dropped the offensive armor at his side with a dull _thunk_ , she launched herself into his arms, desperate for his embrace and his kiss after his absence.He met her hungrily and it soon became clear they wouldn’t be doing anything else just yet.Once they sated their passions yet again, however, Ben quickly beckoned for Rey to get dressed.

“Why?” she asked suspiciously.

“Because we’re going to work on your Force skills.”

Her eyes narrowed.“You’re going to train me?Are you allowed to do that?”

“I’m the Emperor,” he stated, clearly unconcerned.“I can do what I want.”

She looked at him skeptically.She couldn’t really argue with his logic, but some instinct was telling her this could be a bad idea, though she couldn’t quite say why.

“There’s a cargo bay down in the lowest levels of the ship.It’s for loading and unloading supplies, so it’s pretty much deserted unless we’re in port.No one will bother us there.”

Rey still felt uncertain about this idea, but she realized that she truly was in his territory now.If either of them could anticipate a problem, it would be him.Besides, she couldn’t deny that she was truly ready for a change of scenery.The ennui of his quarters was stifling.Unless, of course, he was there with her and they both happened to be unclothed…

Clearly sensing the bent of her thoughts, Rey saw a flush of passion infest Ben’s countenance and he leaned forward with a guttural sound in his throat to pull her in toward him.At which she laughed as she pushed him to arm’s length.

“Okay, alright, yes!I agree we need at least one other activity to occupy our time!”

Ben feigned deep hurt at her words, but then smiled, silently admitting that he understood her meaning.His eyes held hers with passionate intensity, though, as he pressed her fingers to his lips.

After each of them ensured that the other was suitably attired and Ben donned his mask with a muttered apology for its necessity, the Emperor ventured forth from his quarters for the first time with his captive in tow.Rey walked silently and steadily behind Ben, her head held high but without deigning to return any of the inquisitive stares the two of them garnered as they passed.Instead, she found herself paying more attention to the architecture of the ship, attempting to reconcile the familiar Star Destroyer carcasses on Jakku with this living specimen, and noting how much easier it was to walk along level surfaces than to climb precariously along surfaces that were never intended to meet the bottom of a boot.

True to Ben’s word, they encountered fewer and fewer bodies as they descended deeper into the bowels of the ship.By the time he finally turned to tap an access code into a keypad, Rey understood why he felt they would go undisturbed here.Entering the cargo bay, she also recognized why he felt this would be an ideal place to train.Not only did it feature a wide open area, it was also at least three stories high with catwalks along the walls at various heights.Storage containers ranging from moderate to gigantic in size were spread haphazardly throughout, further contributing to the intricate variability of the space.

Over the span of the following weeks, Ben brought Rey to this particular cargo bay nearly every day.They started with the levitation of objects, practicing to increase not only the refinement of her control over their movement, but also the size and weight of the containers she moved.They quickly progressed to the related skill of extended leaps and controlled falls among the various catwalks.While Rey showed promise in these physical manipulations of the Force, where she really shone was in her mental control.She practiced her suggestive powers on him, once even getting him to chirp in an impressive imitation of a Porg before he managed to stifle her suggestion.She also proved quite adept in making him see objects that weren’t there and concealing things that were, though the extraction of information and full body paralysis were skills for which she demonstrated a reduced aptitude.Eventually, to Rey’s surprise and delight, Ben even taught her lightsaber forms and combat, producing a spare saber for her use.

Having previously received only two lessons from Master Luke on Ahch-To, Rey was thrilled to absorb as much as she possibly could.But the lessons were never strictly about the Force.Punctuated by conversations and laughter and kisses at random and entirely unpredictable intervals, they both quickly grew to cherish the time they spent together in that remote cargo bay, so thoroughly absorbed in one another, that they never noticed their frequent observer.

Now, two full weeks after the fledgling Jedi’s arrival on the _Finalizer_ , Cerisse watched as she sparred with the Emperor.A bit sloppy at times, perhaps, but even she couldn’t deny how far the scavenger had come in so short a time.Of course, it wasn’t the girl’s progress in the Force that brought Cerisse here at least every other day, checking up on the smitten couple.After she had snubbed Cerisse’s overtures toward friendship not once but twice, the Knight had known she would need to find other means by which to apprise herself of the required progress.

Sensing an intrusion, Cerisse turned sharply to find Captain Phasma approaching.Swiftly extending her sensory shelter to include the new arrival, lest the fawning lovers become aware of the new arrival’s presence, Cerisse turned to regard her stonily.To her surprise, though, the first thing Phasma did was remove her helmet.Knowing this to be highly unusual behavior, Cerisse cocked her head curiously.Catching an inquisitive glance as Phasma peeked inside the open cargo bay door, Cerisse quickly determined the cause behind the captain’s notable break in protocol.

“You may speak freely,” Cerisse responded to the unspoken inquiry.“They cannot perceive us.”

Phasma nodded, her professional manner intact despite the absence of her helmet.“General Hux has requested an update on the plan’s timeline.”

Cerisse turned her attention back to the dueling pair in the cargo bay, a satisfied smirk twisting her lips as the scavenger’s offensive maneuver ended with the Emperor jerking her into his body for a kiss, their sabers held crackling over their heads as they momentarily lost their rhythm of battle in the contact.It was a common occurrence between these two, one which normally would drive Cerisse into fits of annoyance, but which in this case was rendered bearable by its necessity.

“It won’t be much longer,” Cerisse predicted as the sabers were simultaneously sheathed and unceremoniously dropped, the kiss having become more demanding.“What is the status on the remaining Knights of Ren?” she inquired, turning her disgusted gaze away from the fawning couple.

“Li’iria has already arrived, and Sarniel and Nelorian are expected within the next solar day.We’ve also learned that D’yn is dead.”

Cerisse scoffed.“Not surprising.He was always incompetent.What of Aedryl?”

“There has been no word from her and the others know of no news.”

“When was the last time she reported in?”

“Nearly four standard lunar months ago.”

“Hmm…She’s likely dead too,” Cerisse pondered, gazing thoughtfully toward the man who supposedly led them all.

They had once been seven, and now were down to four, including her.It was a sorry state of affairs and one she would need remedied as quickly as possible.But, for the time being, with the element of surprise on her side, she quickly surmised that four would be enough.

“Have Sarniel report to me the moment he arrives.”

“Sir,” Phasma agreed immediately, then returned to the original purpose for her appearance.“General Hux is anxious to know the timing.”

“General Hux is a fool,” Cerisse responded irritably.“If he had half the spine his job required, this issue would have been resolved long before my arrival.Once the plan is executed, it may be time to consider his replacement.How would you feel about a promotion, Captain Phasma?” she wondered, her head cocking to the side contemplatively.

To Cerisse’s surprise, Phasma smiled in a most suggestive manner.“Would such a promotion provide me greater access to you, Cerisse?”

Caught off guard and not knowing what to make of the strange comment, Cerisse hesitated.Phasma then swiftly pressed her advantage, reaching forward to seize Cerisse’s jaw and draw her in for a kiss of her own.Startled, Cerisse shoved Phasma back using the Force, pinning her to the bulkhead by the door.Her attention drawn momentarily into the cargo bay where the thud of Phasma’s body had drawn the Emperor’s fleeting attention, her eyes slipped back toward Phasma, shot through in fury.

“How dare you?” she hissed menacingly, instinctively disgusted by the presumptuous contact.

Cerisse quickly questioned her position on the matter, however, when her snarl was met first by surprise then confusion on Phasma’s face.Forcing her way into the captain’s mind, she quickly ascertained the prior establishment of a sexual relationship through images of entwined purple and pink flesh.Suppressing her revulsion at the idea, Cerisse recognized her blunder but lacked either the means or the urge to remedy it.So she simply didn’t address it at all.

“Inform General Hux he will await my go-ahead,” Cerisse instructed Phasma in tones of brutal efficiency.“Be certain he understands how displeased I shall be should his impatience get the better of him.”

With one final glance into the cargo bay where the Emperor and his slut sat talking quietly to one another, blissfully oblivious to the conspiracy against them, Cerisse turned on her heel, tossing back over her shoulder as she went, “And put that helmet on, Captain!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... Maybe it wasn't such an act of generosity to post a second chapter today. What do you think?
> 
> Thanks for all the reads and Kudos and comments! They truly do make my day!!!!


	17. Exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cerisse's plot is revealed.

Rey drew up short, startled by Cerisse’s sudden appearance.She fell back behind Ben as he stopped to talk to her about some order of business that, frankly, Rey worked hard not to pay attention to.As the days progressed, as she grew more comfortable with Ben, the dissonance between what she knew of him as a man and the function he served as an emperor became more and more pronounced.She’d begun to wonder how much longer she would be able to hold those misgivings at bay and desperately wished there were a solution.She loved him so much, wanted to be with him forever, but how long could she disregard her conscience for the sake of her heart?

Vaguely aware of having heard her name, Rey shook the unwelcome thoughts from her mind and forced herself to meet Cerisse’s gaze.

“My apologizes,” she said formally with a smile that she was sure didn’t quite reach her eyes.“I was lost in thought.”

“I wondered if you—”

Cerisse broke off in mid-sentence, one brow raising suddenly as a sharp breath made its way into the woman’s body.Her eyes suddenly roamed deftly over Rey’s form for an instant before her jaw snapped shut.

“—required anything,” she finished, as though the momentary lapse had not occurred at all.“I know men aren’t always attentive to the needs of women.”

“Kylo takes care of me just fine,” she stated graciously, resisting the urge to shrink behind said man and hide from her gaze in his shadow.

Cerisse exhaled with a muttered comment that might have been _I’m sure_ , but Rey wasn’t certain.

“Is there anything more, Cerisse?” Ben interrupted the exchange firmly.

“No, Master,” she intoned quickly, bowing slightly as she backed away from him.

Rey followed Ben as he proceeded toward the lift that would take them to the cargo bay.Once enclosed by its doors, he removed his mask, but Rey hardly noticed, staring absently at the passing lights of the elevator walls with her arms wrapped tight around her middle.

“Are you alright?” he asked, touching her shoulder tentatively.

Rey shuddered, startled from her reverie, and looked up to him with an apology in her eyes.

“Yes,” she assured him.“I just…I don’t know.Something about that bothered me.”She sighed, frustrated with herself.“I didn’t like her when I was little, and she’s just gotten worse with age.”

Ben nodded his understanding and Rey turned to him suddenly.

“What are we doing here, Ben?” she begged him, surprising herself with her plaintive tone.“How long are we going to keep this up?”

She watched anxiously as he stretched his neck upward, turning away from her.She saw the deep anxiety in his demeanor and knew instantly she wasn’t saying anything he didn’t already know.

“I’m working on that,” he told her softly.

“What does that mean?”

He sighed, drawing her tenderly into his embrace.“It means I don’t know yet.”

_But I know it has to be addressed_.

Although he hadn’t spoken the words in her mind, he might as well have for how clearly his expression conveyed their meaning.Softly caressing the surface of his consciousness, she felt him admit her, allowing her to see what he was feeling.He was fully aware that his two halves were quickly becoming incompatible, and he acknowledged that she had become far more important to him than power, control, order.The problem was not whether or not to extricate himself from the Empire, but how.How could he do so without endangering their lives and subjecting them both to a lifetime of hiding?

He knew now that his hopes of creating a kinder version of the Empire were entirely naive, having received harsh pushback from every corner at every turn.He had begun to suspect that there was no solution to this other than to defect, to throw both their passions and strengths in with the Resistance and do everything in their power to defeat the Empire.Of course, that came with a whole different set of worries, and he wondered if she’d had it right to begin with, that the best course of action was to withdraw from the war entirely.But… _how_?

Rey gazed into his expressive eyes, her own flooded anew with her boundless affection for him.Tangling her fingers in his hair, she pulled him toward her in a fierce kiss, opening her heart to him and allowing him to feel every measure of what she felt for him.

“I love you,” she murmured, tears in her eyes.

“I _will_ protect you,” he responded, his jaw tight and his will iron.

She smiled, setting her hand against his cheek.“I know.”

And he kissed her again.

As the lift slowed, Rey turned toward the opening doors and felt Ben catch her hand in his, holding it firmly as she led them through the empty bowels of the ship toward their cargo bay.Her mind already on her training for the day, wondering what skills might make the biggest impact when it came time for their escape, Rey punched the code into the keypad and entered.

They settled quickly into their routine, reviewing skills she had the most difficulty with the previous day and pushing the limits of her abilities.Having made minimal progress due to a heightened sense of worry that Rey couldn’t seem to shake, they decided to shift into combat practice somewhat sooner than usual.Turning and flinging and swooping with her borrowed lightsaber, Rey slowly began to feel the tension ease from her mind.Just as she swung the weapon upward for a new sally, Rey’s gaze snapped to Ben’s in surprise, the Force bind suddenly paralyzing her having been completely unexpected.But any smile she may have thought to share in response to his ingenuity quickly died as she realized he was bound too.

“Ben?” she asked, trepidation rising swiftly like bile.

“It’s not me,” he gritted out, the wild look in his eyes settling heavy in the pit of her stomach.

When the door hissed open and three black masked figures strode in, her anxiety ratcheted instantly into outright panic as first hers then Ben’s lightsaber flew from their grip to rest in the black gloved hands of the intruders.Reaching deep for the Force, Rey fought against the bind, desperate for a chance to defend them both against what she immediately recognized as a contingent of the Knights of Ren, but the leading figure swung his arm outward and Rey was knocked back with a stinging blow against her head.Landing dazed and disoriented, she heard Ben shout.

“Sarniel!” the Emperor roared in all his impotent rage.“What is the meaning of this!?”

The central Knight paused directly in front of his master, and Rey had the distinct impression that he was leering beneath his mask.

“Kylo Ren,” he intoned formally, “you are hereby detained for the murder of Supreme Leader Snoke and other crimes against the Empire.”

Rey felt the sense of dread and disbelief that cloaked Ben as he stood in stunned silence, but then one of the Knights was bending over her, dragging her to her feet.She attempted to object, straining to keep Ben in sight as she was manhandled, but was suddenly distracted by a muffling sensation that dropped down over her.Her attention abruptly drawn back to her own predicament, she saw thick binders being affixed to her wrists and she knew she was being cut off from Ben.She cried out to him, and saw him manage to break through the Force bind for only a moment before Sarniel slammed his fist in his face.The Knight laughed riotously as his Master fell back from him.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so _long_!” he shouted as one of his cohorts knelt to affix a second set of manacles to Ben’s wrists.“The Force is wonderful, of course, but using one’s own hands is so satisfying, don’t you think, _Ben_?”

“Sarniel, you coward!” Ben grit through his teeth as he was dragged to standing.

In response, the Knight swiftly removed his helmet and thrust it forcefully across the bay where it clattered loudly.His classically handsome face was twisted in fury and hatred as he leaned close into Ben.

“You’re the coward!” he raged.“We should have known the truth when you insisted on these ridiculous masks.Then there was your name!None of _us_ had to hide behind a false name!And _her_!”

Rey flinched as the man she vaguely recognized from her childhood spun on her with an accusatory finger, approaching her swiftly to grip her face firmly in his hand, his fingers digging painfully into the hollows of her cheeks.

“Leave her alone!” Ben shouted, wrath shuddering through his body.

“It would have been better if you’d known she was alive all along.At least then you wouldn’t have tried to stay with us!”

Stumbling away as Sarniel shoved her roughly by her chin, Rey found she had been released from the Force bind, but her mind failed to even consider escape as she watched him return to Ben.

“You’re _weak_ , Solo!” he gritted out at him.“Mighty in power, perhaps, but weak in resolve.You always have been.Supreme Leader Snoke should have _killed_ you rather than merely purge her from your memories!”

The Knight stepped back from Ben and took a deep breath, as though bringing himself under control.Running one hand through his sandy hair, he smiled, and Rey was seized by fresh fear.

“But it will be better now,” he sighed contentedly before turning to his cohorts.“Bring them!”

The two masked Knights seized Ben and Rey in their iron grip, propelling them forward into the corridor.

“Where are you taking us?” Rey demanded, her greatest fear that they intended to separate her from Ben.

To her dismay, though, Sarniel laughed as he strode ahead of them, leading the way.He made no further comment until after they stood inside the lift.Even then, he initially only turned to Rey and grinned vilely at her, leaning in close to her face without answering.

“As much as I’d _love_ to tell you,” Sarniel eventually sneered, the stink of his breath heavy in her nostrils, “I’m under instructions not to spoil the surprise.”

“Cerisse,” Ben said grimly, his eyes dark on Sarniel as the Knight regarded him.“He’s taking us to Cerisse.She has assumed my throne.”

Sarniel chuckled softly as he turned to Rey again, trailing a finger along her jawline as Ben looked on impotently.

“Too bad he didn’t figure that out sooner, eh, little Jedi?Except he got one thing wrong.It was never _his_ throne.”

Rey thrust her head back away from his creepy touch at the same time Ben lunged bodily at him.It was a simple matter for the three Force-sensitive Knights to subdue the two of them, though, and Sarniel put his face in close to Ben’s again, his expression darkly delighted.

“Give me an excuse, Solo,” he murmured.“You’re dead already.”

Anxiety bloomed deep inside Rey with an agony that stole her breath and left her gasping.Desperate to feel the touch of his mind, she reached out toward Ben.But rather than the familiar comfort of his consciousness, searing pain drove into her head and she crumpled, screaming.

“Stop!” Ben cried, his voice cloaked in a pleading tone that informed Rey more surely than anything that Cerisse had already broken his spirit.

“It’s not me!” Sarniel objected, laughing hysterically.“She’s doing it to herself!”

Recognizing the truth of his words, Rey released her attempt to reach Ben.As the pain receded, she met his gaze, but she shook her head at the message she read there. _Don’t fight.Don’t give them a reason to hurt you._ Tears flooded her eyes as she recognized he’d already given up, already accepted he wouldn’t survive this day.

The lift doors abruptly opened, and the Knight at her back pushed Rey out into a painfully familiar scene.Though she knew this was not the ship on which she and Ben had already faced and defeated the threat posed by Supreme Leader Snoke so long ago, the sight was strikingly similar.An obsidian room draped in red spread out before her, six Praetorian guards spaced equally on either side of a dark stone throne.But there, instead of a wizened and disfigured old man, sat the lithe and graceful figure of Cerisse, resplendent in a silvery metallic gown that bespoke of her newly acquired status as Empress.General Hux and Captain Phasma rounded out the ensemble, standing formally to Cerisse’s right.

Ben and Rey were pushed forward until they stood before Cerisse.But when they were both pushed ruthlessly down to their knees, the Empress stood swiftly but gracefully.

“Careful with her!” she objected, her hand gesturing toward Rey.“She has enough to endure without adding to her torment.Him, though…Him, we care less about.”

As if to illustrate her point, her hand closed delicately into a fist, and Rey heard Ben grunt next to her.Turning, she saw him hunched over in pain, struggling to contain the sound of his agony.

“Oh, don’t hold back, now,” she crooned, her fist tightening.“Let us _hear_ you!”

His voice rose as his pain intensified, until at last Cerisse released him, the sound of his suffering echoing in the cavernous space until her delicate laughter overtook it.Rey struggled against the Knight holding her as she attempted to reach for Ben, who lay huddled on the floor, panting.

“Empress,” General Hux interjected, bowing deferentially as he stepped forward.“The assault?”

“Yes, yes,” she said in mild annoyance at his interruption.“You do well to keep me on task, General.But let us confirm we have what is required before we proceed.”

Startled by the sudden motion, Rey yelped as she felt her body seized in a Force grip and brought upright.Confronting Cerisse and her gloating, disdainful gaze, Rey hardened her countenance, ready to defy whatever it was the odious woman desired of her.But her mind froze in horror as, instead of asking her any questions, her hand reached forward to press against Rey’s abdomen.And she _knew_ …

“Yes,” Cerisse murmured, her expression of satisfaction suddenly transforming into sheer delight as her jaw dropped with a gasp.“Two!Oh, how delightful!I’ll have my choice!”

Rey collapsed to the floor as Cerisse turned away.Her body felt numb as her mind shrieked in agony.She understood now: the inexplicable overtures toward congeniality, the impression that she was constantly awaiting some development, and the sudden transformation in her demeanor this very morning.Rey even understood now why Cerisse had revealed the truth of her history at the Jedi academy, encouraging her to discover for herself the roots of her bond with Ben in order to overcome the rift the Knight had caused with her appearance on Crait.Everything—Rey’s relative safety and comfort on the _Finalizer_ , Cerisse’s benign coexistence with a despised enemy whose death she’d so recently sought, Hux’s willingness to overlook the Emperor training his captive in the use of the Force, even her own neglect in considering the possible ramifications of her intimacy with Ben…It was all designed to bide Cerisse’s time, to give the course of their illicit love affair the space it needed to conceive a child.

In mingled wonder and horror, Rey met Ben’s astonished gaze, her eyes flooding with tears.Even now, despite the effects of the binders about her wrists, Rey could sense the precious lives barely begun forming deep inside her body.Tears spilled freely from her eyes as she gazed upon Ben, assaulted by the knowledge that they had already profoundly failed their children due to their blinding passion for one another.

“You may commence your assault at your leisure, General.”

With a satisfied smirk aimed directly at Ben, Hux bowed sharply and retreated from the throne room.Tearing his gaze from Rey, Ben rose to his knees and addressed Cerisse, who had returned to her throne.

“What assault?”

Cerisse smiled malevolently.“Why, the Resistance headquarters, of course!They’ve grown and dispersed, unfortunately, so it won’t be a clean sweep, but we’ll destroy the primary command center decisively.I’m certain the remainder will fall in line once the head of the snake has been cut off.Don’t you agree?”

“How…?”

“Oh, my dear Kylo,” Cerisse sang in her laughter, “how very, very blind you’ve been!I’ve known the location of their base for weeks, and I’ve orchestrated your coup for nearly as long.Oh, it wasn’t challenging getting everyone on board with my plan.Even easier was maintaining your ignorance of your impending deposition.You really have been quite focused where you most shouldn’t be!” she added with a pointed glance toward Rey.“No, what was challenging was merely convincing them to wait!”

“Wait for what?”

“For you to impregnate your whore, of course!”

Cerisse cackled maliciously and Ben struggled angrily, but Rey lifted her hoarse voice above them both, simultaneously needing to know the intended fate of her children but dreading the revelation.

“What do you want with them?” she croaked, her voice cracking and breaking.

“A fresh start,” Cerisse answered wistfully, settling back in her throne with her face cast upward, as if basking in the glory of her triumph.“I’ll have to wait until they’re born, of course.And, oh, the delight in getting to choose which one I want!An added benefit I hadn’t anticipated!Once you have labored to bring forth my new body, I’ll inhabit one and discard the other.And you, my little desert scavenger rat, will bear the privilege of having birthed me anew!”

Rey felt nauseous with this revelation, but Ben was furious, struggling to his feet and forcing the Knight restraining him to kick his legs out from under him.

“You don’t have the power for that, Cerisse!” he raged.“There’s no possible way you could achieve such a thing!”

She laughed, rising languidly from her throne and moving toward Ben.

“I’m _not_ Cerisse, you ridiculous boy,” she chortled, slipping down onto her own knees to confront Ben face to face.“Look again.”

Rey stared, her breath suspended as Ben looked deep into Cerisse’s eyes.After a moment, she watched the angry defiance in his expression melt in an instant, a cold dread taking him so forcefully that Rey was able to perceive the edge of it despite the muffling effect of their binders.And, when Ben voiced what he saw, Rey collapsed.

“ _Snoke_ …”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Leah and LadyAlice101 who guessed the big reveal that happened just there --^ You may thank them for the early posting now, and I'll send out another one tonight as per my usual!
> 
> Getting intense, huh? We are in the midst of the climax now. Two more chapters, then an epilogue. So strap yourselves in, and don't forget to comment and let me know what you think!!!
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading and Kudoing and commenting. You all do my heart so much good!!!


	18. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Villain monologue time. I really tried to avoid it, but I just couldn't figure out a way around it. So sorry!

Ben saw Rey collapse and he turned toward her, fighting against the hands restraining him as Cerisse— _Snoke_ blithely stood and wandered away from him, chuckling merrily.He continued to struggle, needing to get to her, desperate to make sure she was alright.He knew he was dead.He knew he’d been too naive, too blind, and he would have to pay the price for that.But she…And the precious lives she carried within her, lives they had created together…They didn’t have to die.If Rey could only survive today, she could find a way out.He didn’t know how, but he believed she could.He _had_ to believe it.Otherwise…There was no point anymore…

“ _Rey_ …”

Cerisse chuckled, having reclaimed her throne and settled herself delicately there.“You really wish her conscious for this torment?Very well.”

With a regal wave of her hand, Cerisse gestured for the Knight holding Ben to release him, though his Force-inhibiting bindings remained fast about his wrists.Abruptly freed, he scrambled to Rey, pulling her into his arms as well as the bindings would allow.

“Rey,” he whispered, stroking her cheek tenderly.“Open your eyes, sweetheart.Look at me.”

He watched as a tear fell from his cheek to hers, then her eyes began to flutter and move.Slowly, they opened and focused on him.As soon as they did, her face contorted in pain, knowing why he was there at her side.

“Don’t say it, Ben,” she whimpered, begging him, but he shook his head.

“You must survive, Rey,” he croaked, and she sobbed.“Swear it to me.”

“No,” she moaned.“No, I can’t.”

“You can, and you must.For them, Rey,” he added, his knuckles brushing gently against her middle.“Survive.For them.”

“Not without you!” she wailed softly, and his heart ached acutely at the sight of her anguish, knowing her spirit was already broken.

“ _For_ me,” he begged, his desperation rising swiftly.

“Oh, please,” Cerisse sighed in exasperation.“Sarniel Ren!”

The unmasked Knight stepped forward smartly, bowing his obeisance to his new Empress.

“He serves no further purpose,” she pronounced, gesturing dismissively toward Ben.“Execute him.Now.”

“No!” Rey shrieked, scrambling out of Ben’s awkward embrace and deliberately setting herself between him and Sarniel, her bound hands raised toward him as she looked toward Cerisse.“You can’t kill him!”

“I can do what I want, girl!” Cerisse bellowed in an expansive voice, rising menacingly to her feet.

“It’s early—The children—” she stammered desperately.“Pregnancies are tricky, fragile!I could miscarry, then you would need him again!”

Cerisse stared in surprise for a moment, then burst into uproarious laughter.“You would whore yourself to him _and_ wish away your children merely for a few more months with him!”

She laughed harder, then suddenly stopped, turning abruptly with her arm flung out, retrieving Rey from her crouched position beside Ben.Delivered into her grasp, Cerisse held Rey close by the throat, snarling into her face with utter disgust.

“You cannot bargain for him!” she hissed vilely, her voice low as her eyes raked her with contempt and viciousness.“He has never been more than a disappointment to me, a necessary annoyance. _Except_ in this.

“Since meeting you, he has served my aims admirably well, simply because his choices have been so _predictable_.You are his weakness, Kira Rey.You always have been his weakness.Skywalker was wise to hide you from me, for he knew I would have annihilated you in an instant.

“But when Kylo Ren told me of a Jakku scavenger, a nobody girl with strength in the Force that even he had never before encountered…I _knew_.I knew your death had been a ruse.I knew your sensitivity had lain dormant, that _it_ was the awakening I sensed in the Force.And I knew what _he_ would do.

“Yes, desert rat,” she gloated harshly as she watched her meaning sink into Rey’s awareness.“I saw every step from that moment to this. _Every_ step.Even his traitorous murder of me.I tortured you to goad him to it.I caused you unbearable pain so he would strike me down to spare you.”She turned to Ben with a hideous, malevolent grin splitting her beautiful face.“You have _never_ pleased me more than you did in that moment.”

Cerisse turned away, clearly disdainful of expending any further effort in appearing to appreciate Ben’s efforts.Some part of him had always known he’d been a perennial disappointment to his Master of so many years, but what he regretted now was that he’d ever bothered trying.He didn’t know if it would have made any difference in the end, but he wished more than anything that he had simply followed his heart.All the times he tried so hard to appease Snoke to the detriment of his own soul, what had it gained him?Razing the Jedi academy, abandoning Kira, hunting Force-sensitives, destroying the Resistance…murdering his own father…All for an evil creature who wanted nothing more from him than his seed.

He knew now that the Force had gifted Rey to him, provided her as his means by which to combat Snoke’s manipulative and destructive influence.Her buoyancy, her Light, her uncanny ability to ease his Darkness provided him balance.He had only begun to sense that truth on that last fateful day at the Jedi academy, until then having instead been consumed by the annoyance of having a constant, chattering shadow of energy and happiness when all he wanted was to brood sullenly.By a combination of his stubbornness, Snoke’s impatience, and Luke’s ignorance, she had been ripped away from him just when he needed her most.He couldn’t imagine what their lives would have been if he’d had more time to understand and embrace the bond she’d accepted so readily at their first meeting.He suspected he would have fought it, stubbornly refusing to believe he could deserve such Light in his tortured life.But he’d recognized the pull of his soul toward her upon their first encounter on Takodana.From that moment on, he was hers, whether he knew it or not.Yes, he’d acted predictably.Yes, he’d fallen squarely into Snoke’s manipulations and machinations to arrive here, at the moment when he would willingly sacrifice himself for even the slim chance that his heart could survive.But he could not bring himself to truly regret it.

“Why?”

Ben looked up as Rey’s anguished voice intruded on his thoughts.She gazed after Cerisse, her face tear-stained and laden by misery.His heart broke for her, suspecting the answers she sought and knowing they would bring her no comfort.And, still, he knew she felt compelled to ask, to know, to try to understand.

“What?” Cerisse shouted in impatience as she spun on Rey.

“Why?” Rey asked again, unable to fully prevent the wailing timbre of her question.“Why our children?”

“For their power!” she cried.“Such a confluence of power comes only once in an age.He, the culmination of three generations of Skywalker heritage.And you, your nameless, unknown strength from the Force itself.Your Light destined to counter his Darkness.The perfect balance of both.The combination of power in your children will be unlike any the galaxy has ever seen. _And I want it_.”

“But…how?”

Ben watched Cerisse pause in her ranting, and he knew Rey would receive an answer to her question.Snoke wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation to describe the extent of his powers.As he expected, he saw a sly smile spread across Cerisse’s face.

“When you saw me, the former me, in the body he killed, what did you think?”

“I…”

Rey hesitated, and Ben knew it would be to her detriment if she attempted to lie.Fortunately, she was too smart for that.

“Old,” she said at last.“Frail.Decrepit.”

Cerisse nodded, satisfied.“And now?”

Rey flushed.“Beautiful.Virile…Dangerous.”

“Mmm…” Cerisse murmured, once again, clearly satisfied by her choice of words.“Do you recognize this throne?” she asked suddenly, striding to the piece in question and settling down upon it gracefully.

“It looks—”

“It _is_ the same as the one in which my former body died,” she declared, grinning evilly at Rey, delighting in the extent of her cleverness.“I designed my death, desert rat Jedi, _prepared_ for it at his hands.The ritual I wove over this very stone would activate in the event of my murder, and it would work all the more potently if I died in an act of betrayal.”

Cerisse chuckled, her gaze drawn to Ben, still crouched upon the floor where she’d ripped Rey from his grasp.She looked deep into him and he felt the familiar sense of contamination with which he’d often looked into the eyes of his Master.He saw Cerisse, but he _felt_ Snoke, and it made his skin crawl.

“Kylo Ren played so easily into my scheme, providing me the ideal means by which to allow my Force essence to absorb into the throne itself.I had planned everything down to the most meticulous detail, planned for every contingency…except you,” she spat, suddenly turning her piercing gaze back to Rey.

“Your impetuous choice to deliver yourself into my apprentice’s hands on the _Supremacy_ accelerated my timeline, pushed me to conclude the ritual before I’d had a chance to align all the elements.I hadn’t made communication a high enough priority, thinking I had more time.But you stole that from me.And, rather than summoning and explaining myself to the one soul I required, I was forced to leave it to chance.”

Rey shook her head.“The one soul?”

“Cerisse,” she murmured, the name dripping from her mouth in a prolonged hiss.She turned to inspect Rey carefully.“Have you considered why I require an infant to inhabit?Why not simply take your body, for instance?Why would I choose to endure the annoyances of childhood and adolescence if I needn’t do so?”

She paused, awaiting a response, but Rey remained silent.Cerisse smiled.

“Because I must, obviously.Cerisse, more than any of her Knightly brethren, was fully and soundly committed to me.She cherished and worshipped me, had done ever since I found her at the age of four years.She was wholly and completely mine, and would gladly give anything I asked of her.Including her body, willingly and freely.The ritual I devised requires such sacrifice of sentient beings.

“Infants, though…A blank slate,” she whispered with a sense of divine bliss, “ripe for filling, for molding to my preferences without the annoyance of inherited memories or proclivities.But sensitivity to the Force, raw access to its powers…These things are innate, untouched by the consciousness that inhabits a body.And so, they convey with my inhabitation of the body without a need for choice.

“Cerisse was a dedicated and loyal servant, but her communion with the Force is paltry, insignificant.The only way she could ever grow in strength was by embracing the Dark Side, and she knew that.She accepted it.But inhabiting her serves me no purpose beyond survival.”

“You, though…!” Cerisse exclaimed suddenly, moving forward with such agility that Ben jerked in surprise as she gripped Rey at her core once again, feeling the fledgling lives deep inside her.“Ah…I can already feel their strength in the Force.And it shall be _mine_ …!”

Cerisse released Rey easily enough when she pushed against her, laughing in a low, self-assured cackle as she moved languidly back to her throne.Once settled, she gazed upon Rey pensively, her head cocking to the side as she considered her.Slowly, a grin dawned and spread across her features.

“To your observation regarding the delicacy of early pregnancies, young Jedi…It would be a tragic loss, certainly, and not at all ideal.You make a good point,” she conceded, her eyes turning cold with malicious glee, “but it shall not gain you the boon you seek.

“Sarniel!” she called imperiously, startling Rey and causing her body to twitch violently in reaction.

“My Empress,” the summoned Knight answered swiftly.

Cerisse leveled a pointed finger at him, shifting it between him and Rey as she spoke.“Should our little desert rat here lose her progeny, you shall sire more, repeatedly, over and over, until she carries a child to term.”

Ben could not suppress the strong reaction he had to this pronouncement, and his head turned sharply toward the man he’d once called friend.Sarniel, for his part, clearly relished the prospect of further desecrating the very thing most dear to his former Master, and he grinned down at Ben with gleeful malice.

“Yes, my Empress.”

“Now,” Cerisse intoned, having clearly endured quite enough of these delays, “kill the son of Solo and heir of Skywalker!”

Without further ado, Sarniel ignited Ben’s own cross-bladed lightsaber, fully intending to carry out his execution with his own weapon.Fixing a defiant gaze upon the Knight, Ben climbed to his feet, refusing to meet his death on his knees.Once at his full height, he dismissed Sarniel from his consciousness, focusing instead on Rey.He cursed the muffling effect of the Force-inhibiting binders they both wore, preventing them from sharing the unity of their minds as they had become accustomed over the past weeks.But he attempted to content himself with the ability to meet her gaze.

Although he had accepted his fate, she had not.She continued to struggle against the Knight holding her back, no doubt intending to endanger herself in a foolish attempt to deflect the threat on his life.He knew Cerisse wouldn’t allow her to make such a sacrifice, and nor would he.He met her tear-stained countenance with head held high, his expressive eyes conveying everything he’d ever felt for her.He felt no need to say the words, to sully their purity through the hearing of their captors and tormentors.Besides, he know without a single doubt that she understood the full measure of his love, devotion, and dedication to her.And to the children he would never meet.So, with sorrowful conviction, he closed his eyes, prepared to meet his death in order to preserve her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *deep breath*


	19. The Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [If you don't already know what this chapter is about, go back and read all the ones before it!!!]

_NO_.

Rey saw Ben give up.She watched the expressive eyes she loved so much sorrowfully bid her farewell as he lifted his head high and slipped his lids closed, ready to accept his death.Despite their inability to connect through the Force, she knew he had judged his survival to be subsidiary to hers and that of the lives she carried within her, that he fully intended to die so they didn’t have to.She just wasn’t at all willing to accept it.

_NO._

Without conscious thought, Rey reached down deep inside herself and called upon her innate ability to access the Force.Immediately, pain caused by her irrational attempt to thwart the nullifying effect of the bindings assailed her.But, whereas she had allowed the agony to stifle her efforts down in the cargo bay where all this started, now she welcomed it.Instead of fighting the pain, she embraced it, used it, _craved_ it for its ability to drive her connection with the Force higher and deeper.As the pain intensified, so did her strength, and so she pushed harder, trembling with the searing agony wracking her body.

_NO_.

Her focus drawn so thoroughly inward, Rey was only vaguely aware that both Cerisse and Sarniel had paused, noting the change in her demeanor.She stood rigid, her eyes dry of the tears that until now had graced her countenance without reprieve, her expression harsh and unforgiving.Her body quivered with suppressed power, struggling to be free of its unnatural constraints, but her jaw remained tightly shut, confining her to utter silence.

_NO_.

Still, it was not enough to free her.Rey now endured well beyond the limits of human capacity for physical suffering, and yet she strove for more, willing the sorcery of the bindings to break before her body did.A distant corner of her mind acknowledged the danger she taunted, the price of failure being death.With every moment that passed, her abuse of the Force risked damage to her corporeal body that her rapidly depleting energy reserves rendered unrecoverable.But the greater part of her consciousness disregarded that matter entirely and instead only thought…

_NO_.

The first inkling of her physical limitations came when a trail of blood appeared, oozing from her nostril.Instead of relenting, however, she persevered, pushing and pulling the Force all around her as the bindings continued to fight against her.A sudden weakness overtook her as a fresh spike of pain drove through her head, and she dropped to one knee.Noting the gleam of triumph in Cerisse’s eye as she observed Rey faltering, Rey spoke for the first time, her voice low and ominous as it renewed her conviction to disavow Cerisse’s victory.

“ _NO_.”

Driven to her last resort, Rey turned inside, reaching deep into her own body, to her womb, where two precious lives barely begun lay nestled and safe.There, she found two infinitesimal sparks of light, so small but so brilliant, and she implored them to succor her.Without hesitation, they responded to her call, pressing their own access to the Force into her, lending her their strength.Rey sucked it in, drawing heedlessly and recklessly upon that additional power.And with supreme effort, she rose arduously to her feet and, at last, felt the first cracking of the bindings about her wrists.

“ _NO!_ ”

Her eyes widening as she watched Rey arise, Cerisse tore herself from her stupor.In sudden panic at the recognition of the very real danger the furious Jedi presented, she turned to Sarniel, shouting frantically, “Now!Kill him _NOW_!”

With a bloodcurdling scream, Rey’s bindings broke apart and the sudden rush of power flashed out from her body as the release of the nullifying effect tore through every occupant of the room.Her eyes glowing red, Rey fixed Cerisse immobile as she advanced menacingly.Her power freed, Rey flung one hand behind her, freezing Sarniel in place before he could carry out Cerisse’s bidding.Her gaze yet focused upon Cerisse, Rey flicked her wrist in three quick gestures, and Ben’s cross-bladed lightsaber obeyed her command.With its first swipe, it removed Sarniel’s head from his body, striking him down with ridiculous ease.The second descended toward directly toward Ben, efficiently severing the Force-inhibiting binders from his wrists.And the third landed the weapon squarely in his outstretched hand.

At the loss of his bindings, Ben’s mind flooded into Rey’s and she quickly, wordlessly, instructed him to handle the six Praetorian guard and two remaining Knights of Ren while she tended to Cerisse.As the spectacular battle ensued behind her, Rey advanced menacingly on the Empress.Her expression tightening in determination as she nevertheless retreated step by step, Cerisse flung out offensive strikes through the Force, but they were completely ineffective since Rey was able to reach into each one’s effect and claim its power for herself.

When a sudden instinct alerted her to an impending danger, Rey’s head jerked backward slightly, sending the Praetorian guard who had been a hair’s breadth from plunging his weapon into Ben’s back flying across the room.Taking advantage of Rey’s momentary distraction, Cerisse summoned an especially brutal assault through the Force.Rather than absorbing this one, though, Rey deflected it at the last moment and the effect rebounded, shattering Cerisse’s right arm.Crying out in sudden pain and fury, Cerisse fell to the floor, staring up in awe at Rey’s inexorable approach.

“ _I AM THE EMBODIMENT OF YOUR FEAR THROUGH THE AGES_ ,” Rey pronounced, her voice augmented as though a thousand Reys spoke in unison. _“I AM THE POWER YOU CRAVE AND WILL NEVER POSSESS_.”

Paralyzed in her retreat by her discomposure at Rey’s words, Cerisse could only watch impotently as Rey came to stand directly over her, energy crackling and surging through her body and leaping off her skin in arcs of white lightning.

“ _YOUR AGE OF ABOMINATION IS AT AN END.YOU SHALL ABUSE THE FORCE NO MORE_.”

Stepping forward suddenly, Rey ruthlessly plunged her consciousness into Cerisse’s body, searching for the core that did not belong there.Huddled low in her center, in a black, stinking knot of vile depravity, she found the soul that had stolen countless lives throughout untold time.Rey gripped it with her mind, yanking at it mercilessly, listening to the cries of the body it inhabited now, feeling the desperation of its attacks that sliced and cut at her flesh, utterly heedless of its efforts to thwart her.Crying out in effort and defiance, she pulled again and again until, at last, the final tendon tethering it to the body it required for its existence snapped.

Rey drew the knot forward, bringing it to lay twitching and pulsing in her hand.Drawing upon the Force once again, she willed the exposed essence to ignite, incinerating the blackened soul.Listening dispassionately to the sound of its wrath and pain, Rey watched it whither and die, the flames quickly dying down until only its charred carcass remained.Contracting her hand, the shape of the knot dissolved into airy flakes of ash that drifted down, up, and around her hand, carried by thin drafts of air.And she felt the dissolution of the evil that had inhabited both Cerisse and Snoke.

With one last contemplative look at Cerisse’s still, bloodied, and broken body, Rey turned aside.Her eyes sought out Ben, but instead found every remaining focus on her.Two Praetorian guards yet stood, as well as Captain Phasma and one Knight of Ren, though this last Rey immediately sensed had defected in her heart and been fighting alongside Ben rather than against him.The other three, however, had shown no such consideration.Lifting her hand toward them, the two red-clad guards suddenly dropped their weapons before Rey had any opportunity to call upon the Force to obliterate them, and she cocked her head in annoyance.Unmoved by their belated and therefore empty gesture, Rey lifted her hand further, calling forth the energy that crackled at her fingertips.

“Rey!”

Despite Ben’s shout, she did not allow herself to become distracted by him, her advancing footsteps unaltered as she continued to stalk toward the red-robed guards.Then, without warning, she felt herself pulled roughly aside.Determined to rid the galaxy of the scourge set in her sights, she touched her crackling hand to the man who’d dared to divert her from her purpose and she heard Ben cry out in pain.

Startled, she blinked and turned aside, quickly yanking her hand away when she saw him hunched alongside her.Enraged anew, she lifted her countenance to the men draped in red, knowing this must be their doing.But the moment she raised her hand to finish them off, Ben was there, kissing her, drawing her out of herself and into him, pulling her back from a precipice she hadn’t known she stood upon, and the excess energy zinging through her mind and body retreated, leaving her drained.

Rey collapsed in Ben’s arms, her head spinning and dizzy as she attempted to recall where she was.The Force access loaned to her by her embryonic children withdrew as the brilliant sparks of life returned to their nest in her womb, leaving her body battered and drained.She lay limp in Ben’s arms, lacking even the strength to open her eyes.Vaguely aware both that she had pushed herself too far and that she must now pay the dire consequences, she couldn’t bring herself much to care, sensing Ben’s presence and strength at her side, knowing he yet lived.But then that strength started pushing its way inside her, gifting her with the means to restore her corporeal self enough that she needn’t fear death.She breathed a deep, fortifying breath and opened her eyes.

The bond between them wide open and flowing, Rey was filled with the wonder of their love for one another.As she gazed adoringly into Ben’s eyes, she felt his awe and mild remonstration for her excursion into the Dark Side in his defense.Although she was aware of what had happened, her relationship to the events felt distant, as though she’d watched her body performing those actions, rather than executing them herself.When he pressed a question into her mind regarding the things she had spoken to Cerisse, she could only shake her head, knowing neither what she’d said nor from whence it had come.His hand settled onto her abdomen then, drawing her attention to the lives growing there.She smiled up at him as her hand joined his, delighted to feel the overwhelming joy with which he greeted the awareness of his impending fatherhood, and sensing a fierce dedication to his children already swirling within his psyche, a commitment to give better than he’d received.

A sudden premonition assaulted both their minds simultaneously.Jolted into motion instantly, they were nevertheless too slow to react to the red-clad guard who abruptly decided this changed status quo could not be endured.A fraction of a moment too late to avoid, block, or halt the swinging weapon aimed to sever both Ben and Rey’s heads from their shoulders in one fell swipe, they turned to find his body frozen in mid strike, a steel spear protruding through his chest.His vibro-bladed weapon dropped ineffectually behind him a moment before the spear retracted and his body slumped to the floor, revealing Captain Phasma standing behind him.

Smartly swinging her weapon around into a position of repose, Phasma reached up with one hand and deftly removed her helmet, dropping it unceremoniously at her side as she knelt down in a low bow to Ben.

“My Emperor,” she intoned formally, declaring her allegiance to him.

Sensing Ben’s immediate acceptance of her intent, Rey pushed him aside, unwilling to risk him again.Delving into Phasma’s mind, she brutally tore at her emotions, following every thread she could find to explain why the stormtrooper captain should choose to defend and align herself with Ben.When she found it, she withdrew slowly, looking upon her with new eyes.Phasma met her gaze directly once she recovered from the pain Rey had inflicted upon her by aggressively invading her consciousness.Along with a silent warning of what would transpire should Phasma betray them, Rey nodded, accepting her declaration of allegiance.

Unexpectedly sympathetic, Rey watched as Phasma rose and made her way reverently to Cerisse.Though Rey had killed her body, Phasma knew the woman she’d loved had not been present there for some time.She was grateful to Rey for having exacted revenge on the soul that had driven Cerisse into oblivion, yet also heartbroken for Cerisse’s neglect in considering Phasma when she’d made that choice.Shuddering, Rey held Ben close to her as she watched Phasma give her final farewells to her love.

“Master…”

Rey turned sharply at the intrusion of a new voice, but immediately felt Ben’s consciousness calming her instinct to strike out.Lifting her gaze, she found a Knight of Ren, the one who’d been tasked with restraining Ben during Cerisse’s confrontation, standing above them.Her helmet was no where to be found, and a blonde woman with numerous scars to her face looked down upon them.Rey sensed a brief explanation flooding her mind from Ben, that Li’iria had long struggled with Snoke’s expectations and requirements toward brutality, and had finally found the strength to act on her misgivings once she realized Sarniel had intended to murder their long time companion and Master.

“No longer,” Ben answered Li’iria as he stood and helped Rey to her feet.

The former Knight of Ren nodded her understanding that he wished to relinquish his title of Master.

“The assault persists,” she noted, her voice halting awkwardly as she realized she didn’t know how to address him anymore.

Rey felt a flash of alarm rip through her as she was abruptly reminded of the battle to destroy the Resistance.Already in motion despite not knowing the route to take, Rey felt Ben, Li’iria, and Phasma fall in around her by the time she reached the lift, Ben quickly placing a Force sleep upon the last remaining Praetorian guard as he passed.

“Hux is commanding the attack?” Ben asked as the elevator sped the four unlikely allies on their way.

“Yes,” Phasma answered promptly, adding, “He’ll be easy enough to subdue.He’s a coward and won’t challenge you, let alone…”

Rey met Phasma’s gaze as she regarded her, knowing her actions in Cerisse’s throne room had marked her as a potent threat.Recognizing that her energy reserves were insufficiently restored to call upon anything remotely approaching the power she’d wielded when confronting Cerisse, Rey nevertheless lifted her head high, refusing to be cowed by the woman’s physical strength and height.

Ben nodded, agreeing with Phasma’s assessment of the general, but his mind was already centered upon other matters.Looking to Rey, he silently proposed a course of action directly into her mind, and she readily agreed.Setting his jaw firmly in determination, Ben led them from the elevator the moment its doors slid open.The four of them marched resolutely through the ship, drawing notice from everyone they passed.Parading onto the bridge, every head turned as Ben took up a position directly before Hux and the three women flanked him.

“You will end this attack immediately.”

Ben hadn’t bothered using a Force manipulation on him, so Hux just stared defiantly, never having been one to take his orders willingly.His eyes flickered toward Li’iria then narrowed venomously at Phasma for a moment before returning to Ben.

“What is the meaning of this?” he demanded.“Where is Empress Cerisse?”

Rather than answer, Rey stepped forward and projected an image into every mind on the bridge of Cerisse’s shattered body, still and silent in death.As audible gasps rose from various locations around the open space, Hux’s eyes widened on Ben and he stumbled back.But before he had a chance to respond, Ben addressed him impatiently.

“I have no time for your deliberations, General Hux,” he grated menacingly at him.“You will end this attack immediately, or you will forfeit your life.”

Hux swallowed visibly but promptly did as instructed, though through gritted teeth.“On the orders of Emperor Kylo Ren, all troops and fighters are to disengage at once.”

As soon as the order was delivered and relayed, Ben stepped forward, neatly usurping Hux’s position of authority as the general shrank off to the side.

“Open a comms link to the Resistance base,” he ordered, continuing in a strong and confident voice the moment he was notified of an active channel.“This is Emperor Kylo Ren of the New Galactic Empire.I wish to speak with General Poe Dameron.”

A moment later, Poe’s voice, tainted by confusion and caution, flooded the bridge.“Dameron here.”

“I have ordered the complete withdrawal of our forces.”

“I noticed that.To what end?”

“The immediate cessation of all hostilities.”

“Uh huh,” Poe muttered in his characteristically disdainful attitude toward authority.“And why would that be?”

“I seek an audience for mutual negotiations toward peace.”

This time, Poe was silent for quite some time.And when he did speak again, skepticism was evident in his tone.

“I have ordered a cease fire.Where’s Rey?”

“I’m here,” she piped up immediately, not even waiting for Ben’s gesture.

“Am I going to need to make good on my last promise?”

Rey couldn’t fully restrain the smile that pulled at her lips, knowing Poe was attempting to give her an opportunity to warn him, should this unexpected turn of events prove to be a ruse.

“No,” she answered firmly, recalling his quip that he’d have to kill Kylo Ren the next time he saw him after their last visit to Crait.“Not unless you want to answer to me.”

Poe’s response came more quickly this time.“Alright, Ren.For clarity’s sake…”

Ben smiled to himself, knowing Poe was deliberately giving him the opportunity to take offense at his informal address.

“This is not a call for surrender of the Resistance?” Poe challenged.

“Correct.”

“Nor is this an offer of Imperial surrender.”

“Correct.”

“Then what is this, exactly?”

“Imperial rule is unjust,” Ben stated flatly and resolutely, ignoring the reactions of surprise and disgust in many of the minds surrounding him on the bridge.“And bureaucratic rule is ineffective.I suggest a meeting of political minds to find a new way…”

Ben looked toward Rey, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he concluded, “…a new balance.”

After a brief hesitation, Poe responded, “I look forward to that conversation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *holding my breath, waiting to see what you all think...*


	20. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just tying up loose ends… :)

Rey watched as the starlines outside the viewport receded into distant points of light, a pale grey planet hovering directly ahead.She felt Ben sigh next to her and she looked toward him sympathetically.

“I hate this planet,” he moaned, complaining yet again that Crait had been designated the official meeting site.

“Are all the memories here really that awful?” she asked slyly.

Ben smiled at her, taking her hand and pressing it to his lips affectionately.He didn’t answer the question, but Rey didn’t need him to.She knew his thoughts on the matter and it wasn’t the first time that she’d reminded him that not only had he saved her life, but she’d also fallen in love with him here.Nevertheless, she understood those weren’t the first memories to assail him when he thought of the planet.It had taken some doing to get him to agree to this location, and Rey had finally had to ask him if his reluctance was really worth the risk of losing the progress they had made.

It had been just under a standard lunar month now since the Battle of the Force, as it had quickly come to be called.A bit melodramatic for Rey’s taste, but she supposed the title had its merits.After much discussion, she and Ben had concluded that their children’s primal access to the energy that binds all life in the galaxy had drawn some sort of consciousness from the Force itself inside Rey’s body, inhabiting her for the time it took to dispel the soul that occupied Cerisse.What had proven more fruitless a quest was determining the actual identity of that soul she had dispatched.They knew it was the same that had lain within Snoke’s body for countless years, but they also knew that it was not the essence that had originally inhabited him.They didn’t know who Snoke had originally been, nor who the soul was that had manipulated Ben to the Dark Side from within his form.These details were simply lost to history and time.But, clearly, whoever it had been, the Force itself had had enough of its machinations, and taken advantage of the opportunity Rey and her unborn children presented to eradicate it.

The story of what transpired in Cerisse’s throne room had spread quickly, and quite deliberately.Recognizing the precarious hold Kylo Ren now possessed over the throne of the New Galactic Empire, it had been necessary to act swiftly to secure it.Thanks to Phasma and Li’iria and a few well-placed rumors, the story of Rey’s triumph over Cerisse soon became common knowledge.Every now and then, stories came back to either Rey or Ben that evidenced the tale had taken on a life of its own, acquiring new and ever more terrifying details that further heightened the god-like status Rey had attained in many eyes.This potent rumor mill, along with a few unfortunately necessary demonstrations of Rey and Ben’s mutual power and refusal to endure challenges to their authority, had done its work.Now, less than thirty standard solar days later, their mutual hold on the Imperial throne was absolute.

Which was important, since the next step was to dissolve it.

Rey knew that Ben’s Dark Side had tempted him more than once to suggest that they needn’t rid the galaxy of the Empire altogether, that they could in their well-intentioned benevolence create a powerful and peaceful society.While she knew his heart was in the right place, she also knew it was far too great a risk, and the stern looks she threw at him when he started thinking such things clearly conveyed her thoughts on the matter.In the end, Ben never voiced the suggestion, knowing it to be a deeply faulty idea.Even if they made such a commitment and adhered to it devoutly, they would not live forever.The prospect of someone after them taking advantage of such absolute power was simply something they couldn’t risk.They didn’t know what the right solution was yet, but they knew Imperial rule wasn’t it.

The cease fire established by both the Empire and the Resistance that day had held, but not without its wrinkles.Both sides had experienced minor uprisings in protest of the proposed peace, fringe elements who were so committed to constant strife that they could not imagine any other way.Ben had been forced to put Hux down permanently in one such event.But in all cases, Ben and Rey had maintained open communications with Poe and other Resistance leaders.Although tensions had at times risen quite high and the prospect of peace occasionally seemed unobtainable, they had managed to work through the various difficulties.But, until now, all their interaction had been remote, delivered from their respective sides of the galaxy, separation being the safest bet.The agreements to be hashed out here, already dubbed the Treaty of Crait, would lay the foundation for the political structure of the united galaxy going forward.

An advance team drawn from trusted sources on both sides had been working here for the last two weeks, preparing the old, worn down bunker, readying it to greet and house peace delegations from each side.Weaponry was strictly forbidden, and Ben and Rey had even been forced to agree to wearing bracelets that inhibit their access to the Force.Neither of them was happy about it, but they both also knew the capitulation was worthwhile. After much negotiation, it had been deemed acceptable that each of them would have the ability to remove the other’s bracelets, though neither could do it on their own.Additionally, Ben and Rey had required the stipulation that the nullifying effect be weak enough that they could still maintain mental contact with one another at all times.Considering the strength of their Force bond, this was really a small concession on the Resistance’s part since there were very few inhibitive fields Ben and Rey could not punch through.Though the Resistance hadn’t been exactly thrilled with this solution, they hadn’t been able to suggest any better options.So, in the end, it was only another example of an old truism, that compromise results in agreements over which neither side is truly happy.

Now, their bracelets in place, Ben and Rey had arrived on Crait as representatives of the New Galactic Empire.They were to meet with Poe and another delegate of his choice from the Resistance, as well as two political specialists, one chosen by each side.Over the next…however long it took, they were to hash out a new system of government, a sustainable system that would allow for the reign of peace in the galaxy.No more oppressive regimes, no more endless wars, and no more senseless killing.It was a tall order, given the vastness of the galaxy, the lengthy history of bad blood between the two sides, and the restrictive expectations placed upon the shoulders of the representatives, but Rey was optimistic, and she knew that both Ben and Poe were as determined to see it done as she.

As Ben carefully maneuvered the shuttle into roughly the same position it had held on their last visit here, Rey looked eagerly out toward the restored bunker door.A wide smile creased her face as she saw Finn and Rose there, in addition to Poe.Although they weren’t an official part of the Resistance delegation, Rey was pleased to see that her personal request for their presence had been granted.She hadn’t had any communication with either of them since her abrupt departure from Crait after Cerisse’s unexpected arrival, so she was anxious to reunite with all her friends.As she turned her happy smile on Ben, however, she was reminded that his own opinions on the matter were considerably more subdued.Although he’d had plenty of opportunity to reach some level of understanding with Poe over the previous weeks, there had been no such communication with Finn.Both he and Rey knew Finn to be hotheaded when it came to both the protection of Rey and the condemnation of Ben, and he wasn’t at all looking forward to explaining why he’d taken her away after she had adamantly insisted she had no intention of joining the Empire.

Rising from the co-pilot’s seat, Rey took a moment to smooth her clothing over her belly.The children were still far too small for her to sense physically, but she was all too aware of them mentally.Although no real thoughts or emotions were yet discernible, she could already sense the potency of their connection to the Force.It had begun to occur to her that their aptitude may surpass even hers or Ben’s, in which case, they were in for some difficult parenting years.But she was thoroughly confident that both she and Ben were fully committed to giving them the childhood full of life and laughter and love that neither of them had enjoyed themselves.

Rey smiled contentedly as Ben came to stand behind her, his face bowing down low next to her cheek as his hands slipped under hers to cradle both his wife and his unborn children.Although he couldn’t sense them directly yet, he could feel their presence through Rey’s consciousness, and he was already completely and utterly smitten with them.Rey could feel the pulse of his happiness as he held them so close, and she sighed happily.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look?”

Rey rolled her eyes, though she couldn’t help but smile at the compliment.She was entirely uncomfortable in this gown of silvery blue with long, flowing sleeves, but they had agreed that, for now at least, they needed to look the part of the Emperor and Empress.Once their titles had been dissolved, they could dress according to their comfort.But, until then, their public presence demanded all the Imperial trappings.Rey despised it, far more comfortable in clothes that she could move and fight in, should the need arise.But she also knew Ben secretly loved seeing her more feminine side.In fact, it was the way he looked at her when she dressed like this that had convinced her to give in to the suggestions of their political advisors and accept their clothing choices.And, truth be told, there was something enjoyable about the swirl of skirts around her legs, the excessive amount of fabric and thoroughly impractical cut of the garment serving as a reminder of just how far she had come since the deserts of Jakku.

Turning in his embrace to drape her arms about his neck, Rey answered, “At least once before.”

She closed her eyes, basking in the warmth of his affection and melting in his arms as he leaned down to kiss her tenderly.She had never known she could feel so much contentment and happiness, especially not with _him_ , her one-time enemy.Feeling his lips pull from hers in an irrepressible smile, she knew he’d sensed her thought.

“What?” she inquired, smiling, sensing his excitement over some secret he held.

“I was going to wait until after to tell you…” he confessed.

“Tell me now,” she urged, to which his smile broadened.

“I know you hate living on the _Finalizer_.”

She did, it was true.It was far too cold and sterile for her taste.But she had accepted it without complaint because she knew that was where they were needed.She’d hoped they would be able to discuss other arrangements soon, but she also recognized that her personal preferences for a domicile were inferior to other needs and requirements to which they both were obligated.

“So I’ve made arrangements and found a home for us.”

Rey grinned widely, pleased and moved that he had taken such initiative.And the profound tenderness with which he mentioned _a home for us_ made her heart thud heavy and dense in her chest as she fell in love with him all over again.

“It’s small and simple, but—”

“I don’t care,” she interrupted emphatically, causing his smile to broaden again.

“I didn’t think you’d mind.”

“Where is it?”

“It’s in the countrylands outside Theed.”

“Naboo?” she asked, immediately enamored of the idea.“That’s where you grew up.”

He nodded, pulling her closer.“That’s where I want our children to grow up.It’s so beautiful there, Rey.I can’t wait for you to see it.”

She grinned, finding his enthusiasm infectious, and she raised herself up on her toes to kiss him, momentarily losing herself in the contact.

“I love it,” she murmured, her forehead pressed against his.“I love you.”

Rather than answer with mere words, he swept her back into his arms, kissing her deeply as he opened his mind, encouraging her to revel in the vast swell of his profound emotions for her, Kira Rey, his scavenger, his wife, his empress, his Force mate, his everything.Slowly, they both came back to the present, and Rey smiled adoringly at Ben as he carefully smoothed tears of happiness from the corners of her eyes.

Turning their minds toward the official task at hand, Rey reached out and gripped Ben’s hand as they waited for the shuttlecraft ramp to descend, admitting them to the salt-coated face of Crait.Filled with anxious excitement, she looked over at him and gasped.A sudden awareness fell over her consciousness and her eyes widened as she took in the sight of him standing tall and proud at her side, decked in robes of regal bronze rather than his usual black.Returning her gaze, she knew Ben felt it too and an awe-filled smile graced his lips.

Rey knew this moment, had seen it in a vision bright and clear so long ago while sitting cold and forlorn in a hut on Ahch-To.Having discovered the first vestiges of understanding between herself and the fearsome Kylo Ren, whose constant interruptions into her life had become a source of great consternation, the vision of their future together had assailed her at the moment their fingers touched across the vast expanse of space separating them.She had interpreted the vision as proof that she would turn him to the Light Side, and she had consequently run off to rescue him from Snoke’s vile clutches on the _Supremacy_.But when she’d told him of the vision, he’d revealed he’d had one too, of her standing in unity alongside him, signifying that it would be she who turned to the Dark Side.

Gazing at him now, Rey finally understood they had both been right.Each of them had seen this very moment in which they stood united against untold difficulties ahead, and they had each interpreted it according to their own desires at the time.They understood now what the Force had been trying to show them so long ago, that there is no Dark and Light, no good and bad, no right and wrong…but a balance of both.In that respect, the conflict would never be resolved.But that was, in itself, the end of the conflict.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bringing you this story, reading all your comments, and sharing our mutual love for REYLO as been such an incredible experience for me! I cannot thank you all enough for stepping into my imagination with me. I truly cannot express just how much it has meant to me. I feel such profound affection for every one of you!!!
> 
> That said...  I have to take a break!  Reylo has completely obsessed me since I first saw "The Last Jedi", and I have (unfortunately) allowed other obligations in my life to slip in order to be able to indulge my creative needs.  Now that this story is complete, I have this little thing called a dissertation to be working on...!  So, I will not be providing new writings for the time being, although I will still lurk about to answer any questions you may have and to thank everyone who leaves comments.  Because you, my dear readers, are my creative lifeblood!!!
> 
> Anyway, thank you again to all of you!  And I look forward to having more time to read your works now that I'm taking a break from creating my own!!!
> 
>    
> UPDATE!!! UPDATE!!! UPDATE!!!  
> "Forgotten," a sequel to this story is now available on AO3. Go take a look!!!


	21. Author's Announcement: Sequel!!!

Just a quick update to reach all "Conflicted" subscribers in case you didn't already know: a sequel to "Conflicted" is currently underway!!! It is being actively updated at least weekly on AO3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/14439411/chapters/33351582) and Wattpad (https://www.wattpad.com/story/146865927-forgotten-a-reylo-sequel). The title is "Forgotten."

In the years following the Second Galactic War and the dissolution of the reincarnated Empire (i.e. the end of "Conflicted"), Rey suddenly goes missing without a trace. Determined to find her and bring her home to their children, Ben searches the galaxy for her, never imagining that, once he finally finds her, she'd have no idea who he is...

I am also available on Tumblr, if you'd like to say Hi or learn about updates there (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kcmarsala).

Thank you so much for choosing to spend time with me and my imagination! I hope you will give the new story a try and continue to enjoy my particular brand of Reylo!!!


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